Over the past year I’ve made several references to the inevitable, premature end of my career as a scholar. For years I was powerless to do anything about it because I was powerless to do anything, period. I’ve been given a reprieve by the uni, I’m back not just to writing but to writing fluently, and I feel strong. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful therapist: if I have someone in my corner I am more than able to fight the shit that’s keeping me down. But I’m certain that my recovery is due mostly to the antidepressants, which I should have started on years ago. Why didn’t I? Because lying on the couch unable to do my own work and spending less and less time doing anything for classes felt like a normal reaction to several awful life experiences and to the disappointment of being resented by students and discounted by many members of the college (though not by the people in my actual department). I also didn’t think I was actually depressed because the depression I’d experienced in my twenties came in the form of sadness, not inactivity. Crying every day was a sign that something was wrong. Given the way my life had been going over the past five years, it seemed entirely appropriate for me to be the human equivalent of the boulder that seals a tomb. I don’t think I ever truly believed the claim that when people are depressed they don’t know it or don’t know the extent of it. I believe it now. Does this sound like some dumb testimonial? I could say more, but I won’t. There’s one last thing that I need to write and hope to recall if things go badly again: when I am a valued member of a wonderful community, I do pretty fucking well. Being part of a wretched community that conspires actively to distribute quicksand-like suffering in a dreadful inversion of egalitarian principles? I go under.
On the fashion front, things are looking up with the opening of Genre, a fantasy maven’s dream, where I picked up the most flattering skin Voshie Paine has ever done for La petite morte. There are three makeups in one lovely skin tone, with elf ears and Lolas Tango appliers included. Each is only 100L. (I die.) The dress Portia wears here is a 70L reopening goodie from Violent Seduction’s outpost on the Cupcake sim. Finally, [e] (elikatira) is having a 70% off hairdo sale. (It’s supposed to be a retirement sale, but everything seems to be discounted.) Don’t be flummoxed if a mouse-over shows the usual price of the hair packs. When you click to buy you get the discount price.
Credits to creators (see above for location deets)
.la petite morte. wixson pale fantasy 2
Violent Seduction – S/M Versailles (Cream)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
[e] Thrive – Red 05 (on sale)
Eclectica ‘Nouveau Leaves’-necklace
lassitude & ennui, Phoebe lace-up boots dusty rose / light wood
pose prop one: Trompe L’oeil, Dreamy Genie Bottle Skybox Green (old Collabor88)
pose prop two: oh damn, I’ll check for you…