Let all my guests come in

I disappear and another woman shows up inside my body. This woman is aroused and wholly submissive. It’s impossible to tell which of those qualities comes first, but they feed into each other. “Submissive she” announces her arrival by sinking me into a physical and mental swoon. At times she does it with such intensity that I’d call it fierce. (Hers is a determined surrender.) My partner’s words and instructions can tease and provoke submissive she to surface. But I suspect that I could call her up in his absence by thinking about sexual humiliation. As someone who failed hypnosis and has no patience for meditation, I am astonished by this libido-powered change in my personality and in the way I experience life in my body. It’s not just the presence of pleasure I’ve been feeling. It’s also the palpable absence of rigidness, which I hadn’t realized was so much a part of my usual psychic makeup and physical disposition.
My play partner constantly asks me to spend a day wearing a harness under my blouse or going without underwear. This is a bad idea for a professor, who stands in front of people for a living, bored people, people who have nothing better to do than look to see if her bra strap is falling off her shoulder again. One morning when I was chatting with my partner, I remembered that I own a pair of BenWa balls, so I proposed to please him by spending the day stuffed with quietly rattly silicone. The prospect of this made him very happy. I’m not sure why. He imagines that I will enjoy acute and perpetual awareness of my libidinous enslavement. In the event, all I felt on BenWa Wednesday were the balls pressing on my bladder: I had to pee every hour, and I had to tug the ball-string backwards if I wanted to whiz’l more than a driz’l. All in all, the public experience of enstuffment was erotic for about 62 minutes, and that was only because some sexting kept me vaginally congested (i.e., not quite engorged). The early-morning private experience, by contrast, hit me like lightning and was certifiably sublime. I tried to insert the BenWa balls standing up but had no luck. I squatted, hovering just above the floor the way I would to insert a too-large tampon. (Who among us ever has the correct size at hand?) The moment the first ball touched my lady parts, I was instantly and intensely aroused. Without warning, the sub inside me appeared and I was blissed out. She returned to the computer not to tell my partner that I’d done the deed and ask if that pleased him but to say “All I want to do is fall to my knees in front of you.” [To be continued if these experiences keep freaking me out]

Credits to creators
Jaimie Earst and Needful Pixel, Sativa LightBlue (open and closed versions; sleeveless high-necked top or, using Lolas Tango, only just covering the lower bübs; I could not, however, get any of the skins I experimented with to show Lolas nips and the slipping top, but I’m an idiot)
Swallow, Arcade Gwen 02 (past gacha)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
{{BSD Design studio}}Less is more shinning blk angel shoes (at Fashion Limited this week)
*Dura,Boys&Girls*40(Black)
..::DeliciouS::.. Picky Ankle cuffs (can be leashed, come with wrist cuffs)
Dari’s Haus, Lockable Panel Gag v1.25 (free, probably in Dari’s Haus box of free stuff on Marketplace)
[tea.s] Claw Cuff Bracelet – Onyx (at Fashion Limited this week)
~Soedara~ Bondage Sublime Necklace/Collar Black (scripted and non-scripted versions included)
Stygian, GEN3DEV tail (not available)
poses by Apple Spice
GIMPalicious

Playtime for Portia

I officially inform my readers that Portia’s Swallow skin and WTG collar, which are both fabulous, are available at Limited Bazaar for another week. With this formal blog business concluded, I consider myself free to fulfill one of my fantasies: writing about my experience of sexual submission. (If that’s the first line of 50 Shades of Gray, it’s not a citation. I’ve invested too much time in reading unrespectable erotica to go legit in an airport bookstore.) This is newbie stuff for me, and still virtual in the sense that the man I play with lives far far away. I enjoy our complicity as we concoct a scenario. I believe that he likes me ungagged and uncompromising as much as he likes me gagged and pliable. (Of course, this relationship will fall apart and I will hate the [future] son-of-a-bitch, but probably not before server-side baking locks me out of SL. So you get to read the happy part of the story. Only my therapist will have to deal with the sad.) Nothing that I’ve read about BDSM prepared me for the emotional dimension of my recent experiences. I’ve discovered that the eroticization of feelings like humiliation and the need to please makes those feelings pleasurable. This reminds me of Freud’s concept of humour as a means of overcoming a threat to the ego, except in submission one experiences the threat rather than trying to evade it with a joke. Of course, both of these strategies involve play, which, for me, right now, is the foundation of the D/S relationship.
The other astonishing thing about the emotions I’m describing is the simple fact that I’m having them. I have never felt humiliated by someone and never felt a bewildered hurt at being misused. This despite the fact that I’ve had lovers who did humiliate me and did mistreat me in garden-variety ways. In those situations I was aware of feeling anger and despair, reactive emotions rather than the emotions that preceded the reactions. Wanting to please someone has never been part of my emotional makeup. (Oh so symmetrically, I have never consciously wanted to be pleased by someone. My pleasure has always felt like my responsibility.) In the situation of playing sub to my dom, I feel an overwhelming need to please him, which, oddly enough, I enjoy. As much as submission forces, or allows, me to exist in a simpler and more malleable form of myself, it also permits, and perhaps requires, me to feel fierce. I’ve discovered that allowing myself to be diminished ritually has the effect of expanding me. (Not every time, of course, and not during every moment of a play session. If my blog entry makes you feel like trying this at home, consider that a penis gag is just uncomfortable if there’s no compelling reason to keep it on.)

Credits to creators
^^Swallow^^ Anja Limited Bazar Ivory (A)
Miss Shippe’s Studio, gold breasts like Midas bukake (gacha)
MONS / Shocking eyes – brown
Dura, Girl 27(Black)resize
Countdown. Karolina Gold Corset S
+:+WTG+:+ **Black Queen** collar (at Limited Bazaar)
Fleshtone :: Vanity Studded Cuffs
HOC Industries – Thigh Boots (Extra Small)
PIDIDDLE – Sharp Nails – Silver Glitz (old gift)
ooo Studio and Gos, Pose Pouf
GIMPed but not PIMPed

Don’t powder puff (NSFW)

I reconnected with an old virtual flame, someone I thought I’d never speak to again, and we’ve been tearing through my erotic fantasies. (Which these pictures don’t even come close to capturing.) He’s afk this week, just when I’ve gone all chastity-belt-curious. I figured Portia could feel things out for me, but I made a disastrous purchase from Repressed Designs of an inexplicably enormous belt that can’t be reduced, even though it’s labeled modifiable. Determined to scratch my itch until it turned bright red, I kitted Portia out with some of MetaTheodora’s cyber bits, which make nice substitutes for the belt and for clamps. Although they are not made for Lolas, the nips bits fit the falsies just fine if you tweak them. (The bits, not the tits.)
Portia shows off her new riding crop in a dollarbie pose from Rack. If you like erotic imagery but aren’t one of creator Kirsty O’Herlihy’s Flickr fans, mistress is never going to spank you again.

Credits to creators
…::: Scrub :::… Tie me up, tie me down black M [corset and boots are one piece] [and extraordinarily sexy] (at the Whore Couture Fair 2) [also in white and red] [I kinda wanted the red] [but black is more tactical]
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts (spine)
PIDIDDLE – Amorous Choker (special item at Adore & Abhor)
MetaTheodora, CyberNips
MetaTheodora, CyberSex – White
.Olive. the Refreshed Bear Trap Bracelet – GunMetal
Basic LockGuard V2 Cuff (freebie…not sure which sex machine I got it from)
Essences – Thursday *light rose* black (recent TDR Fusion)
Irezumi-ya, tattoo251 thigh
h.m.a.e.m. – bridles for hair – black
photo one: LeLutka, Lively blue rinse fade
photo two: LeLutka, VENT hair Jessica (old Xmas gift)
:::Sn@tch Nail Candy (Black/Red Cross):::
MONS / Shocking eyes – brown
pose 1: Diesel Works, Debutante Chaise Black
pose 2: Rack Poses, Riding Crop Dollarbie
set: William Weaver, Build 004 (free on Marketplace)
GIMPed the fist photo for ages but never managed to make my av a decent pudendum. Didn’t work much on the second photo because I knew I couldn’t improve that butt.

Nobody’s wife (nsfw)

My friend Sian Pearl had the nerve to name her devastatingly strict new collar after Portia. I knew that Sian would not be satisfied with a shot of Portia on her way to the opera in a floor-length mink topped with the collar. Even if the mink was dip dye. Not surprisingly, the collar recalled me to my kinky side (which I was keeping in a box with my crooked smile). Back when I was having SLex, I discovered that it was impossible to RP with a fashionable woman. When the man who had set up my first ménage à trois suddenly went AFK, my newbie imagination floundered. There I was in bed with a hot goth hermaphrodite (too many choices…), and all I could think about was her astounding pair of pointy patent-leather booties. Killed the mood, but found out about Bax.

The Portia collar is available in dark and light versions. It’s rigged mesh, but it’s also modifiable if you rez one on the ground: you can resize and tint it to your dom(me)’s content. The pack contains a version compatible with RLV and other scripts. I still don’t know what RLV stands for. Must be something technical, like rather large vag. [This pic looks lousy small. Please blow it up.]

Credits to creators
During play
MetaTheodora, “Portia” Heavy Collar – dark (NEW; <3 Sian)
MetaTheodora, CyberNips White (these are scripted to open and close and to pulse, yeah, pulse, with, y’know, light and such)
[LeLutka]-JOSEPHINE Hair – Pitch (NEW)
-Glam Affair – Roza – BaroQ 02
Needful Pixel, Sativa Black by Jaimie Earst (comes with open and closed versions)
Locking Binder (free on Marketplace: buy Dari’s Haus BDSM Freebies from Puppy Dog Tails)
poses: Apple Spice, Heartbroken [combined with the binder]
set: William Weaver, Build004 (free on Marketplace)

Après play
:[Plastik]:-Lethal Dress [M]-:// Iren (latest Lazy Sunday)
s u . v i d a – black lace leotard (store is closed)
-Glam Affair – Roza – BaroQ 02
Miss Shippe’s Studio, More than Allergies Nosebleed
La Malvada Mujer – Sibilla #3 [full]
:[Plastik]:-Vaele Coll(Base)://MeteorDark eyes
pose: Glitterati, Headshot 3
location: Dr. Kit’s