Let all my guests come in

I disappear and another woman shows up inside my body. This woman is aroused and wholly submissive. It’s impossible to tell which of those qualities comes first, but they feed into each other. “Submissive she” announces her arrival by sinking me into a physical and mental swoon. At times she does it with such intensity that I’d call it fierce. (Hers is a determined surrender.) My partner’s words and instructions can tease and provoke submissive she to surface. But I suspect that I could call her up in his absence by thinking about sexual humiliation. As someone who failed hypnosis and has no patience for meditation, I am astonished by this libido-powered change in my personality and in the way I experience life in my body. It’s not just the presence of pleasure I’ve been feeling. It’s also the palpable absence of rigidness, which I hadn’t realized was so much a part of my usual psychic makeup and physical disposition.
My play partner constantly asks me to spend a day wearing a harness under my blouse or going without underwear. This is a bad idea for a professor, who stands in front of people for a living, bored people, people who have nothing better to do than look to see if her bra strap is falling off her shoulder again. One morning when I was chatting with my partner, I remembered that I own a pair of BenWa balls, so I proposed to please him by spending the day stuffed with quietly rattly silicone. The prospect of this made him very happy. I’m not sure why. He imagines that I will enjoy acute and perpetual awareness of my libidinous enslavement. In the event, all I felt on BenWa Wednesday were the balls pressing on my bladder: I had to pee every hour, and I had to tug the ball-string backwards if I wanted to whiz’l more than a driz’l. All in all, the public experience of enstuffment was erotic for about 62 minutes, and that was only because some sexting kept me vaginally congested (i.e., not quite engorged). The early-morning private experience, by contrast, hit me like lightning and was certifiably sublime. I tried to insert the BenWa balls standing up but had no luck. I squatted, hovering just above the floor the way I would to insert a too-large tampon. (Who among us ever has the correct size at hand?) The moment the first ball touched my lady parts, I was instantly and intensely aroused. Without warning, the sub inside me appeared and I was blissed out. She returned to the computer not to tell my partner that I’d done the deed and ask if that pleased him but to say “All I want to do is fall to my knees in front of you.” [To be continued if these experiences keep freaking me out]

Credits to creators
Jaimie Earst and Needful Pixel, Sativa LightBlue (open and closed versions; sleeveless high-necked top or, using Lolas Tango, only just covering the lower bübs; I could not, however, get any of the skins I experimented with to show Lolas nips and the slipping top, but I’m an idiot)
Swallow, Arcade Gwen 02 (past gacha)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
{{BSD Design studio}}Less is more shinning blk angel shoes (at Fashion Limited this week)
*Dura,Boys&Girls*40(Black)
..::DeliciouS::.. Picky Ankle cuffs (can be leashed, come with wrist cuffs)
Dari’s Haus, Lockable Panel Gag v1.25 (free, probably in Dari’s Haus box of free stuff on Marketplace)
[tea.s] Claw Cuff Bracelet – Onyx (at Fashion Limited this week)
~Soedara~ Bondage Sublime Necklace/Collar Black (scripted and non-scripted versions included)
Stygian, GEN3DEV tail (not available)
poses by Apple Spice
GIMPalicious

Bunny don’t play dat

I am a dyed-in-the-egg fan of easter. (As a secular, chick-hugging, basket-filling rite of spring.) But Portia has had one too many hollow chocolate treats. Get too close to her this Sunday and she’ll give you an earful about the eggsploitation of hens. Portia’s lavender mesh corset is from Etchaflesh, the store where corsets go to be born. Select styles offer regular sizes and busty versions in one pack. There are no appliers involved in the busty versions. Each size of the bübs-friendly version boasts the same DD-size cups. As large as the cups look, they could not accommodate Ms. Capelo’s Lolas until I’d downsized them from watermelons to smaller watermelons.
I suspect some of you are too young to remember Homey D. Clown.

Credits to creators
[Etchaflesh] Day Of The Dead Busty Corset S
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
[LeLutka]-Rockin’ Pants-Black (v. old)
FK! – Black Cyber Neck Corset Large mesh (edited with GIMP) [bought on Marketplace]
SD Wears, Twisted Hunt Collar (old TH gift)
INDI – Armcuffs black (old gift)
- .HoD. – Spiked Lust – Chest Dermals – Frost (comes with nipple piercings)
.:ellabella:. Helene’s Tears – gold face piercing
Essences – Thursday *light rose* black
[theSkinnery]Voluptous lip junkie – lipstick 6 (at Skin Fair, ends March 31)
La Malvada Mujer – Lara Stone’s teeth
*SoliDea FoliEs* The Day After / makeup
*Dura-Boys&Girls*40(Black)resize
Tenjin – Violet Tattoo Faded – Large (at WCF 2, ends March 31st)
*SoliDea FoliEs* chameleon rings
FKII, Cigarette
~Sassy!~ Playboy Bunneh ears (2012 ears)
MONS / Shocking eyes – black
GIMPed but not pimped.

The proper avenger

I am betting that the last thing you want your blogger to say is “I think I’ve had a relapse.” I was doing so well from November onward, and now I am suffering again. I have a hard time dealing with people and haven’t seen friends more than four times over the past year. Seeing my old grad-school colleagues makes me despair because I no longer feel as though I am part of our group of scholars. Their careers are booming. Mine is stalled; and I now think it was a mistake to keep at it. Beyond that, I seem to be so vulnerable to disappointments that I can feel crushed and unable to recover from a small thing like finding out an apparently single man, whom I don’t even want, is actually married. I went back to bed this morning and then crawled into it again when I returned from a brief work session. Eventually, I launched myself out of bed to clean up the Epic pics I took this week. And eat Twizzlers. I hope you enjoy Epic’s Bunny Avenger, which features a mesh corset, and is accented with frog closures. It’s available in many colours at The Boobies Show for one more week. It’s discounted there, so don’t delay if you want to get all latexy for less.

Credits to creators
*Epic* Bunneh Avenger Suit black (includes Tango applier; at The Boobies Show)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
Essences, Thursday phosphorescent 01 brown (at Zodiac)
Vignette, Grable Cinnamint (free at In Her Shoes: I read that this shop would be closing, so if you want the free movie-star hairstyles, you should visit soon)
Solidea Folies, Chameleon rings special edition (at Limited Bazaar)
Doodads, Bejeweled Collar and earrings ~ Blue with Black Diamond (collar not worn)
HOC Industries – Thigh Boots [mesh and colour change via HUD]
:::Sn@tch Nail Candy (Onyx):::
oOo Studio, Pouffe – Small – Black (in collaboration with Gos)
set: William Weaver, Build 004 (on Marketplace)
GIMPed with growing impatience. Damn you lines!

Mix those messages

The five stages of male denial: I never promised you a rose garden. What made you think I promised you a rose garden? Who promises rose gardens nowadays? Why do you think you deserve a rose garden? I suspect you’re unstable.
I met a fellow scholar in the cafe where I write four hours a day. I’d seen him there every day for a year. Comfortably trapped in a depression-powered, safety-glass bubble, I had spent that year refusing to interact sociably with anyone on the premises. Until the new manager insisted that baristas take customers’ names. Suddenly we were family. (I can walk in and order the usual. I always thought “the usual” would be some exotic cocktail. Shame about my alcohol allergy. And my aversion to night life. Night period.) Around Thanksgiving, I finally responded to my fellow cafe denizen’s friendly passing remarks. I even let him watch my computer while I went to the ladies room. (If you knew me you’d say “Woah.”) His dissertation sounded feminist. He wasn’t afraid of me. I decided to try to get past the problem of his looks: typically handsome and thick-necked muscular. (I prefer tubercular-looking British boy/men. Bad teeth optional. This is the consequence of growing up goth. Damn you Peter Murphy.) After two months of chatting and indirect conversations about sex—the scholar’s specialty—he mentioned his wife. He never wears a ring. He never said anything about spending the holidays with her. He spoke in the present tense about the difficulty of meeting women he could relate to. I was hurt and angry about this lie by omission. But I decided not to do what I’d done in the past. No intimacy-building confession of pain. No consciousness-raising confrontation about the disrespect he’d shown me and, much worse, his wife. No obligation-creating request that we work together to establish new boundaries. And I resolved that if he asked about my sudden distance I would borrow a phrase from the last coward who dumped me. I’d tell my cafe friend that his failure to acknowledge his wife “raised a red flag.” That’s a phrase that is so perfectly clinical and cliched that it means nothing except “The conversation is as over as the relationship.” This latest bad experience leaves me feeling proud of what I’ve learned over the years: I no longer give anyone the opportunity to do the denial dance. On the other hand, it sucks that, once again, my armour isn’t coming off. Not to mention my pants. (Damn you pants!)

Credits to creators
cuffs: Zibska, Ute Deux (part of a full set) (NEW; ty Zib Scaggs!)
skin: Al Vulo, Alyss skin and Lolas Tango applier (group gift)
lip tat: old Heartsick gift
bags: Handverk, Valentine’s clutch gacha (NEW) [g'damn—I wanted the Spank Me clutch!]
hair: Dura, #40 (resizable by menu) (NEW)
bouquet: Vita’s Boudoir (Tainted Love Hunt item, 1L)
arrow harness: Contraption (Tainted Love Hunt item, 1L)
crown: Tee*fy (past Collabor88)
boobs: Lola’s Tango
stockings: League, side-gartered stockings
pose: LAP and bouquet pose
GIMPed for your pleisure. And dedicated to Shortcake Sugarplum.

The fear of gold

I was about to hit the pay button for Paperbag’s silver Slique unitard when something inside me snapped. Or creaked. It was more like a creak. I realized that it was time to give up on the safety of silver and confront my longstanding fear of intense gold.

In real life, were I to wear even a subtle gold, it would look like a piece of Hanukkah geld had sprouted a whitehead. But this is not real life, and Portia doesn’t look like she needs to be squeezed (more).

Credits to creators
Paperbag, Slique Uni Metallics with Lolas Tango appliers (at Lyfe of Style)
Zibska, Zhenya (color and size change; at TGGS till the 13th; ty Zib Scaggs!)
h.m.a.e.m, midnight princess clutch ice [available in three other colours] (NEW; ty Riri Ninni!)
Swallow, Iman LB Panther with Lolas Tango applier [with three choices of awesome nips] (Limited Bazaar)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts (spine)
Miss C., Catch Black (fi*friday) [not the way it looks on the box: I had to add booN's gathered raised hairbase]
MONS / Round Sunglasses Black Button (past TDRF)
MONS / Earrings – Basic Button (past TDRF)
Cliche, Citta black and gold heels
Fleshtone :: Vanity Studded Cuffs
pose prop: Nuwiggles, Forever Alone (not available)

Might have to weaken

Over the past year I’ve made several references to the inevitable, premature end of my career as a scholar. For years I was powerless to do anything about it because I was powerless to do anything, period. I’ve been given a reprieve by the uni, I’m back not just to writing but to writing fluently, and I feel strong. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful therapist: if I have someone in my corner I am more than able to fight the shit that’s keeping me down. But I’m certain that my recovery is due mostly to the antidepressants, which I should have started on years ago. Why didn’t I? Because lying on the couch unable to do my own work and spending less and less time doing anything for classes felt like a normal reaction to several awful life experiences and to the disappointment of being resented by students and discounted by many members of the college (though not by the people in my actual department). I also didn’t think I was actually depressed because the depression I’d experienced in my twenties came in the form of sadness, not inactivity. Crying every day was a sign that something was wrong. Given the way my life had been going over the past five years, it seemed entirely appropriate for me to be the human equivalent of the boulder that seals a tomb. I don’t think I ever truly believed the claim that when people are depressed they don’t know it or don’t know the extent of it. I believe it now. Does this sound like some dumb testimonial? I could say more, but I won’t. There’s one last thing that I need to write and hope to recall if things go badly again: when I am a valued member of a wonderful community, I do pretty fucking well. Being part of a wretched community that conspires actively to distribute quicksand-like suffering in a dreadful inversion of egalitarian principles? I go under.
On the fashion front, things are looking up with the opening of Genre, a fantasy maven’s dream, where I picked up the most flattering skin Voshie Paine has ever done for La petite morte. There are three makeups in one lovely skin tone, with elf ears and Lolas Tango appliers included. Each is only 100L. (I die.) The dress Portia wears here is a 70L reopening goodie from Violent Seduction’s outpost on the Cupcake sim. Finally, [e] (elikatira) is having a 70% off hairdo sale. (It’s supposed to be a retirement sale, but everything seems to be discounted.) Don’t be flummoxed if a mouse-over shows the usual price of the hair packs. When you click to buy you get the discount price.

Credits to creators (see above for location deets)
.la petite morte. wixson pale fantasy 2
Violent Seduction – S/M Versailles (Cream)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
[e] Thrive – Red 05 (on sale)
Eclectica ‘Nouveau Leaves’-necklace
lassitude & ennui, Phoebe lace-up boots dusty rose / light wood
pose prop one: Trompe L’oeil, Dreamy Genie Bottle Skybox Green (old Collabor88)
pose prop two: oh damn, I’ll check for you…

Honey trap

Devious Mind’s latest outfit is called Lady Vayne. If you can’t afford one of the versions from the regular line, you can play gacha for five special colours, with each play costing 150L. The black and red version, which I won first try, is supposed to be the rare colour, but I’ve seen it on other blogs. (Could Silvia Olivier be more gorgeous?) So I played again for you, my lovely readers, and I’m delighted to show you the ice-blue version. The outfit includes a bird-beaked mask not shown here. (I wanted my av to be pwitty.) If you’re a fan of Lolas and Glam Affair, you should pop down and pick up a skin applier, which Aida Ewing has made for each of the tones in her latest lines (Arctic, America, Europa, Jamaica, Africa). Each applier is 210L.

I admit it. I couldn’t get enough of the second season of The Hour. I loved seeing the Soho nightclub filled with showgirls and gangsters. But most of all I loved Ben Wishaw as Freddy. I may have mentioned before that I love a boyish Brit who looks like he needs a real woman to feed him. (By force, if necessary. With whipped cream, of course.) I also relish the sight of an intense, narcissistic actor playing beta male.

Credits to creators
devious minds, Vayne **ICE** (gacha)
:: Purple Moon :: Winter Queen in Ice Gloves (part of group gift emsemble; fee to join)
[Shag] – Cherie (roots) – afterglow
Glam Affair – Amberly – Europa Frostbite 03 Red (November Collabor88)
Glam Affair, Lolas applier Europa
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
(wml)Thethreefates:Atropos(Sever) set (not available)
N-core, SHARK 2 “One Voice Edition”
Glitterati, Boobalicious poses
location: Looking glass sim [sp?]
The first pic was GIMPed and GIMPed again. One big problem was the way the lights turned the bra layer lavender. Please forgive my clumsy repainting.

Big booms

I find myself expecting the bübs trend to go the way of the hamsters. Those who hope that the falsies will have more staying power should be encouraged to see some long-established creators, like Nylon Pinkney of Nylon Outfitters, Aikea Rieko of The Plastik and Aranel Ah of BOOM, making appliers for select items. They have opted to satisfy the insistent demands from Lolas Tango addicts (who have a lot of weight to throw around—if you know what I mean). For BOOM, Ms. Ah has created appliers for some of her sexiest numbers—the I Promise lingerie, the Carbon dresses, and the Day on the Yacht dresses among them. Here Portia wears the itty-bitty I Promise lingerie in turquoise and lipstick. I especially appreciate the fact that Ms. Ah specifies in the name which Lolas clothing layer to use with the applier. (It’s really impossible to figure this out by the cut of the top.) (P.S. I got the idea for this look from Ampersand Artful, who probably won’t beat me up for it. This time.)

As you can see, the BOOM lingerie applier pack also provides a peep version. Unfortunately, soap bubbles are not included. Portia’s pose is one of a new set of saucy stances for big-busted girls by Katey Coppola of Glitterati. They feature Ms. Coppola’s signature sultriness, but can also be shot to bring out the humorous side of front-loaded life.

Credits to creators
*BOOM* I Promise lingerie (turqouise and lipstick) with NEW Lolas Tango applier sold separately (ty Aranel Ah!)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
+Nuuna+ Winter 2012 Gift Skin with Lolas Tango skin matcher (open gift)
Mad’ – Pure Sugar # Freckles+teeth (old VIP group gift)
[e] Abbey – White 05
Plastik, Madre Halo 4
Contraption, Clemantlers (LB)
!Ohmai : Antique Bee Ring (Silver)
Glow, Diamond Bar Ring (With Love Hunt item)
Mandala, Takara White Bangles (with nails not shown)
pose one prop: Glitterati, Blind
pose two: Glitterati, Boobalicious
Grim Bros. sent out this cool personal snow emitter as an Xmas gift!
If I hadn’t GIMPed these photos you’d be blushing. You’re welcome.
Hammies are forever!

Doomsdaywear

Fully expecting to be chosen to perpetuate the human species in a large, but selective, lunar colony, Portia dresses for her post-doomsday destiny.

Credits to creators
*Epic Boobies* Archangel Suit White [only looks silver in the pic] (comes with neck corset in three sizes and Lolas Tango applier; can be worn regular style)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts (spine)
[LeLutka]-VERSAGE hair – BlueRinseFade
+Nuuna+ Winter 2012 Gift Skin with +Nuuna+ Winter 2012 makeup (open gift comes with Tango applier; the lips are blue, btw)
*Epic* Mesh Neo Mega Stompers {Glacier}{S} (off-white, only look silver in the pic]
Pididdle, Silver nails (old VIP gg)
location: new u.f.o store
GIMPed (with a bit of end-o-the-world carelessness)

Cushioned for the corners

Tonight I was in the mood to see what kind of mischief I could get up to with a pair of breasts, two models and a couple of pose boxes. Anorak shows off in new hair from LeLutka and new boots from h.m.a.e.m. Jasmine is based on Princess Jasmine, who is some kind of royal chick from a kid’s movie. The hair, which can be worn with or without the long pony-tail, comes with two necklaces and the metal-and-gem-changing earrings you see here. Luxo, the over-the-knee zebra-stripe boots from Riri Ninni, get their appeal from the deliciously perverse contrast between no heel and lots of leg. Anorak also wears a Dressing Room Fusion skin from Al Vulo. It comes with an applier for Lolas Tango falsies. I’m starting to realize why appliers that match an av’s skin are such wonderful time-saving devices. I’m also starting to realize that creators who charge 100L for the applier in addition to 200L for the dress make big bübage a very expensive proposition.

The high cost of bigbübs inspires me to urge you once more to check out the Hunt for Your Inner Slut hunt, which ends on December 15. Not all of the items have been updated to fit Tango, but this little number from Rack City is good to go. Portia, on the other hand, is good for nothing but sleep.

Credits to creators
Anorak the cat burglar
[Cynful] Vale’s Turtleneck Dress – Suede Black (3/4 Sleeve) [top only]
h.m.a.e.m. – Luxo Over Knees boots – Zebra (at The Couturier’s Docks; ty Ms. Ninni!)
::HH:: Hucci Bahia Leggings S – Midnight
[LWL] Power Suit Belt (gold lipstick) [this is only half a belt since it is designed to be worn with half a suit-jacket] (at Limited Bazaar)
[LeLutka]-JASMINE hair – Bournville (NEW; comes with earrings shown here and necklaces not shown)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts (spine)
al vulo-jade 2*exotic voyage blonde brow olive Tdr [comes with appliers for tango and push-up Lolas] (at TDR Fusion)
*SoliDea FoliEs* The Day After / makeups
Clemmm – ReSnick eyes .black sclera.
Glitterati pose prop

Portia the pin-up
Rack City, Lace Crop Lingerie Suit Full Set (HYIS item; you are looking for a yellow dick, for realz)
Magika hair (mesh)
Glam Affair skin (last month’s Collabor88)
MiWardrobe, group gift bracelets (extra gorg!)
BENT, Escher pose prop