I disappear and another woman shows up inside my body. This woman is aroused and wholly submissive. It’s impossible to tell which of those qualities comes first, but they feed into each other. “Submissive she” announces her arrival by sinking me into a physical and mental swoon. At times she does it with such intensity that I’d call it fierce. (Hers is a determined surrender.) My partner’s words and instructions can tease and provoke submissive she to surface. But I suspect that I could call her up in his absence by thinking about sexual humiliation. As someone who failed hypnosis and has no patience for meditation, I am astonished by this libido-powered change in my personality and in the way I experience life in my body. It’s not just the presence of pleasure I’ve been feeling. It’s also the palpable absence of rigidness, which I hadn’t realized was so much a part of my usual psychic makeup and physical disposition.
My play partner constantly asks me to spend a day wearing a harness under my blouse or going without underwear. This is a bad idea for a professor, who stands in front of people for a living, bored people, people who have nothing better to do than look to see if her bra strap is falling off her shoulder again. One morning when I was chatting with my partner, I remembered that I own a pair of BenWa balls, so I proposed to please him by spending the day stuffed with quietly rattly silicone. The prospect of this made him very happy. I’m not sure why. He imagines that I will enjoy acute and perpetual awareness of my libidinous enslavement. In the event, all I felt on BenWa Wednesday were the balls pressing on my bladder: I had to pee every hour, and I had to tug the ball-string backwards if I wanted to whiz’l more than a driz’l. All in all, the public experience of enstuffment was erotic for about 62 minutes, and that was only because some sexting kept me vaginally congested (i.e., not quite engorged). The early-morning private experience, by contrast, hit me like lightning and was certifiably sublime. I tried to insert the BenWa balls standing up but had no luck. I squatted, hovering just above the floor the way I would to insert a too-large tampon. (Who among us ever has the correct size at hand?) The moment the first ball touched my lady parts, I was instantly and intensely aroused. Without warning, the sub inside me appeared and I was blissed out. She returned to the computer not to tell my partner that I’d done the deed and ask if that pleased him but to say “All I want to do is fall to my knees in front of you.” [To be continued if these experiences keep freaking me out]
Credits to creators
Jaimie Earst and Needful Pixel, Sativa LightBlue (open and closed versions; sleeveless high-necked top or, using Lolas Tango, only just covering the lower bübs; I could not, however, get any of the skins I experimented with to show Lolas nips and the slipping top, but I’m an idiot)
Swallow, Arcade Gwen 02 (past gacha)
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts
{{BSD Design studio}}Less is more shinning blk angel shoes (at Fashion Limited this week)
*Dura,Boys&Girls*40(Black)
..::DeliciouS::.. Picky Ankle cuffs (can be leashed, come with wrist cuffs)
Dari’s Haus, Lockable Panel Gag v1.25 (free, probably in Dari’s Haus box of free stuff on Marketplace)
[tea.s] Claw Cuff Bracelet – Onyx (at Fashion Limited this week)
~Soedara~ Bondage Sublime Necklace/Collar Black (scripted and non-scripted versions included)
Stygian, GEN3DEV tail (not available)
poses by Apple Spice
GIMPalicious
If a picture is worth a thousand words, this is an essay. At least it is in my classes. Anything longer and the students do that thing where they panic and pout at the same time. It’s so confusing.
They say it’s spring, but the weather outside is still frightful. So I say, what the hell, let’s call it summer. Forget dressing up like a bag of Jordan almonds. Eat the damn almonds; wear sangría.
