Go big (spokesmodel)

lashesfrmd People often ask me how I manage to keep up with my research and writing while maintaining an unhealthy level of depression. The secret is letting yourself go. This is easy if your depression takes the form of paralysis. When, after half a day of sloth, you realize that you are once again shitting your life’s work away, going out to work without washing your hair feels like the right thing to do. If you are trying to be a productive member of society while neglecting all its duties and pleasures, you stand to benefit from the tricks I’ll share with you today.
1. Forget the shower
Take whore baths (all the cracks). It was good enough for your great grandmother. Not that she was a whore. She just didn’t have any running water. I use two cloths, one for the dirty parts and one for the delicate parts. I’ll let you decide for yourself what is which. Conserving energy by removing lights from your bathroom makes everything—including the all-white room itself—look much less dirty than you imagined.
2. Put the shower to better use
If you comb your long shedding hair into the sink, you have to clean up every last strand every day. Or they will tangle up in the drain. Eco-freindly unclogging costs you an hour’s worth of writing or moping time: 15 minutes fishing the decomposing hair out of the drain, 45 minutes gagging between fishing attempts. I discovered I could avoid all this by combing my locks into the tub that I wasn’t using for bathing.
3. Reluctantly use the shower properly
Studies show that Pssst! can only keep your hair smelling like an old lady for so long. Eventually it will smell like a dead old lady, and you will have to allow water to beat down on your bean. (Be sure to fish the hair out of the shower before you hop in. Feel satisfied that you’ve only had to round up the strays once this week.) I dispute the claim that having sex is the best motivator for more frequent and thorough bathing. It’s way too easy to convince yourself that staying sticky and wet, in more than one place, is some kind of tribute to your lover.
4. Stock up on basics
Postpone laundry for a month or more by buying dozens of panties. You can’t afford to pay twenty bucks a piece, so go to the big department store and find that one table with five pair for $19.99. Sure, they are going to be decorated with tiny turtles and inappropriately child-sized bows, but they will also be cotton, which is far healthier for the vajayjay (especially if you want to walk around sticky and wet after sex…). EMTs do not actually check your panties, so it’s safe to wear each pair for two days. Bonus: any morning you wake up late or frantic, you get to forget how many days that pair on the floor has already served. If you find a bra you like, buy three in black, saving the time you would waste trying to find another bra you like. If you wear all three identical bras before any single one of them is dirty, you will lose track of which one you’ve worn too many times and the pressure to wash them is off.
5. Multitask in the shower
If you have to shower, make it worthwhile by simultaneously washing out a couple of pairs of undies or a bra. Never wash more than one bra in one session: chances are you’ve forgotten what you did with the second one, but if you look several times you should be able to find the third one in one of the piles of all-black clothes on the chairs in your bedroom.

Credits to creators
MichaMi: Hedda Leather Dress in Wine_M
[ #7 ] D I S C O V E R Y – zero miles Lashes (at Finesmith’s Summer Boutique; ty Shortie!)
Miasnow, Sweety Pale
cStar Limited – Spectrum Lines Eyeliner (old gift)
>TRUTH< Demi – chocberry
bellballs/PIDIDDLE – Fringed Cuff – Tropical (Golden Finish)
MONS / Shocking eyes – sky
Glitterati, Pin up Girl pack (on sale till store close at end of June)
I always have time to GIMP.

Break them in

jeanssm Bela Tolsen always does jeans for her TuttiFrutti line, and her spring collection offers some sophisticated yet form-fitting takes on the old classic. In addition to a faded pair splotched with clouds and a light pair, she’s created the dark and flowered pairs Portia models today.
puppettutti Since I am still planning to succumb to the Server Side Baking apocalypse, I’ve been feeling pressure to dress Portia in everything she’s not yet worn. That means finding some silly stuff in the closet. Do these puppets make me look fat?

Credits to creators
pic one: *TuttiFrutti* Denim Mesh Jeans – Dark [XS] (NEW; ty Bela!)
pic two: *TuttiFrutti* Denim Mesh Jeans – Blossom – [XS] (NEW; ty Bela!)
Tee*fy, Ana Slouchy Satin Tank Grey Sheer S (old Collabor88)
.:* LOULOU&CO *:. – Horns :: LIBERTAD :: V.2 (special event, prolly Zodiac)
Glam Affair – Margot – India Clean – Red (at Collabor88)
Aeva // Eyelashes // Long Lashes
[JB] Juicy Box – Beautiful Mess Tattoo
>TRUTH< Elisha w/Roots – copper
CHANTKARE, PONY AROUND RING (old gift)
*REDGRAVE* Audrey2 – PlateauHeels
MONS / Shocking eyes – brown
puppets are an old CuteBytes hunt gift
prop is Glitterati Shopaholic Closet
GIMPed for your pleisure

Puddin’ in plum

sgryI’m often tempted by Severed Garden’s adorable outfits, which always boast beautiful colour combos and loving attention to detail. Usually I resist buying because these ensembles look so much better on girlish bloggers than they do on Portia. A quick trip to Anatomy got me the button-cute av I needed to make the Fiona outfit work. (Btw, Fiona is insanely inexpensive.) One of the latest releases from Bamboo nails gives this look a high-fashion twist. RubyRedRusset’s Spring Orange can be worn with feathery white tips. They’re guaranteed to make you crave a Creamsicle.

girll

Gala Phoenix of Curio skins is planning to retire all of her old skins as of May 4. I can’t decide whether I should retire them from my inventory. I certainly haven’t been willing to give up my Dutch Touch skins. But I always feel as though a blogger has to emphasize the new and available rather than follow her whims. On the other hand, Portia ain’t exactly a trendsetter, so why shouldn’t I follow my own muse?

Credits to creators
.:.*{ Severed.Garden }*.:. Fiona Skulls
{Anatomy} Marlly shape [modded slightly in the bübs]
[7891.] Reply Necklace – Gold (at fi*friday)
[Bamboo] Nails – Spring Orange [NEW; ty RubyRedRusset Resident!]
Curio, Summer-Wild Strawberry 1 in Moonbeam [Dark] tone
[HUZ]-Oriental-Henna-Faded
::dUTCH tOUCH:: AddOns – EyeLashes (not available)
:[Plastik]:-Vaele Coll://Galaxia-Nala eyes
>TRUTH< Claudia – jupiter (big sale at Truth until May 10, not possible to get into sim to see if this is one of the retiring styles)
poses: LAP
GIMPed but not pimped.

Hangs you up the most

medcolorj They say it’s spring, but the weather outside is still frightful. So I say, what the hell, let’s call it summer. Forget dressing up like a bag of Jordan almonds. Eat the damn almonds; wear sangría.
clpcolorxc I’ve been wanting a Glance skin for a while now, specifically because the medium and dark skin tones are so lovely. I got Anais at Skin Fair. She’s a bit dear price-wise, with a bare-face skin at over a 1,000L and separate packs of lipstick and eyeshadow for 500L each. (Good news for those of you who like to make stupid mistakes when buying things: the September lipsticks look just fine on the August tone.)

Credits to creators
*BOOM* Manchesters (lime) xxs (NEW, in mannnyyy colours; ty Ms Ah!)
Leverocci – Sleek Blazer_M_Coral (on sale)
SOUL. Corset Dots S (awesome)
*Glance Skins – Anais – August – Black Brows – Small Cleavage
*Glance Skins – Anais – September – Glossy 06 lipstick
I added Mynerva lashes and Dutch Touch eyeliner, which aren’t available for purchase
MEMIL eyes 06_orange brown (bought on Marketplace)
Swallow, Sunglasses
>TRUTH< Sassy w/Roots – crow
TuTy’s – black hairbase tattoo 2
mijn.botique accessories / huge chain necklace rosegol (past TDRF and not available)
mijn.botique accessories / studded earrings n.2 – rgold
[ glow ] studio – Diamond Bar ring (rose gold)
[HANDverk], Stud Clutch.kiwi (free at the Free*Style shop)
Glitterati, Shuttered pose prop
GIMPed for your pleisure.

Mama papa comin’ for you

marial2x Fashion for Life is like one of those vans that swings out of nowhere—or Red Hook—caroms down a crooked Brooklyn street, scrapes past one of the last remaining mailboxes on earth and then speeds off, a discarded 32 oz. soda cup the only sign of its passing. By which I mean, it ends on Sunday. So grab yourself a bottle of water and a bowl of fruit and jog out to buy Shena, one of Aliza Karu’s sassy donation creations for Angels and Demons.

famomed

Credits to creators
[AD] Shena mesh dress (NEW at Fashion for Life; ty Aliza!)
Blah. (My Tight Bodysuit – Grey)
:::Sn@tch, Leather Bangles (free at Shop Free*Style)
RO – FAMOUS Ring – Rainbow {store is remarkable oblivion}
[Gang/Cold) An Angel Shoes – Black/Silver
>TRUTH< Claudia Streaked – copper
Glam Affair – Luria skin – 06 (at The Arcade)
La Malvada Mujer – Cubico 3 tat (old freebie)
poses: pda, weird feelings and franklin
location: Virtual Decay
GIMPed a smidge

Brings me sugar

jesybks3xx Lilo Glom of JesyLilo has turned her hand to clothing. The HotBow jumpsuit is adorable. Cuffed just below the knee, it’s decorated with a lavish bow. Ms. Glom’s beautifully textured ColdKnit Hoodie in a gentle shade of blue surprises with a pale pink bow at the back. Both items are available in other colours. I can see a Grease fan sporting the black version of the jumpsuit, which features a bold red bow just dying to be matched by a pair of saucy stilettos. Looking a little more staid, Anorak sports grey-velvet loafers, brand new from Riri Ninni at h.m.a.e.m. The loafers are also available in sapphire blue, deep red and black. They make me yearn for a smoking jacket and a cravat.

celoejesyX This lovely skin with multi-colour eyeshadow is also from Jesylilo. It’s my fave from the Cupcake series, which skews young with plenty of pink cheeks. If Anorak is looking a little uptight here, it’s because I made her wait in the lobby while I bought a pair of slutty new sandals from Celoe. I was prepared to pay 850, figured they would be 895, and quietly ponied up 950 big Ls before Anorak could realize I was spending her inheritance.

Credits to creators
from *JeSyLiLO* (ty Lilo Glom!)
:::ColdKnit Hoodie:::*Blue M
:::HoTBow Jumpsuit:::*Blue S
:::CupCake:::*LightSkin*J3*BT
AUDRAN, Unisex Tattoo / DARK INK / ‘Awkward’ (at fi*friday)
h.m.a.e.m. – lounge loafers – chamber (NEW; ty Riri Ninni!)
Truth, Demi Chocoberry
Swallow, Lion Earrings
K*S, ONE-PIECE91socks (store is closed)
poses built into furnishings
locations: library, Celoe

GIMPed for your safety.

Tatas tutorial

lpewd
Like me, you probably love your new Tangos falsies from Lola’s. The bustline is too too divine. But the breasts are so large that the average av’s proportions are thrown way out of whack. As an experienced blogger, I am qualified to guide you through the steps to getting those proportions back into whack. If you follow this tutorial, you won’t waste your time making your av’s shoulders wider, adding body fat or enlarging the hips and thighs. The simplest strategy is to plop on some giant cartoon hair and teleport immediately to a Manhattan-style sim. New York’s skyscrapers dwarf even the giantest bazooms. (This is why most movies are made in Hollywood.) Once you have her installed in NYC, clothe your av in something tight and short, and then slip on a pair of sturdy not-human legs. Your av is now a superheroine and her breasts are a metaphor for her power. (You may actually have to enlarge your Lola’s to convince people of your av’s superness. Check recent Wonder Woman covers for ideas.)

lokimhyt
Now that your av is a superheroine, you can buy that utility belt you’ve always wanted. The idea is to balance out your av’s front-mounted falsies with something just as big for her backside. A couple of mangey kitten criminals in a fanny pack will improve the proportions and demonstrate that your superheroine is indeed cleaning up Gotham. If anyone asks about the bottle of milk she’s using for evil-feline-bait, just tell him that your av was bitten by a radioactive dairy cow. He’ll imagine the consequences. In vivid detail.

Credits to creators
Lolas ::: Tango ::: Mesh Breasts (spine) (NEW)
[Cynful] Vale’s Turtleneck Dress – (Turtleneck Mesh Size 1) (at TDR)
-Belleza- Wynter skin (past 50L Friday)
Clemmm – ReSnick eyes .black sclera.
>TRUTH< Kirby – auburn
d-lab–black cat belt
Pixels, ChimeraBoots_Beta (old gg)
INDI – Armcuff (old hunt gift)
.:Hermony:. / LeatherGloves / Black (old gift)
R.icielli – SKULL EARRING /GRAFF
!bang, Back Up pose pack
sim: outside TSG
these pics were lightly GIMPed and then PIXLRed