Wanna be on top

America’s Next Top Model is back for another season. We’ve already seen models enclosed in plastic bubbles slip off a narrow submerged catwalk into the water, where they demonstrated a basic law of physics: models who fall on their ass*s are only as fierce as surface tension allows. I’m looking forward to the moment when Top Model submits their contestants to another of their absurdly high-concept shoots that require the girls to become actresses without forgetting that they are models.

Imagine that this shoot requires the girls to pose as women who have been wrongly committed to an insane asylum and locked into a cell where the last inmate died. “Think Frances Farmer meets Gia,” says Mr. J, his hands flashing jazz-style around his head. Looking at Portia’s photo, the judges would congratulate her for bringing real emotion to the set and modeling HTT (head-to-toe). The problem is that she is too real and ends up looking ugly-crazy, not pretty-crazy. “It’s too much this,” Tyra proclaims, striking a melodramatic pose, her eyes open wide. “When it should be this,” she says, rounding her shoulders and smizing.

Darcy, on the other hand, would win the judges’ praise for modeling crazy rather than acting it. “The emotion is in the eyes,” Nigel says, as a million viewers strain to see anything at all in the model’s unfocused orbs. Cutting Nigel off so that he doesn’t lapse into one of his drooling fantasies of shooting the girl who stands before them, Andre declares haughtily: “It is the opposite of dreckitude!” To this Tyra cannot help but respond, asking in her homegirl voice, “What’s the opposite of dreckitude? Crackitude?”

Credits to creators

Look one
blouse: Fishy Strawberry, Neo-Romantic Blouse Lilac (current TDR)
slacks: Purple Moon, Tango in Blue
shoes: PM, Baby Ts Royal
shape: DeLyn, Darcy
skin: Mons, Jita Skin (old TDR Blue item)
lip tattoo: Curio, Pout Lips 3 (freebie at Skin Fair)
eyes: Cupcakes, Eyes 2011 blue/gold
hair: Clawtooth, Mrs Mittens Girl Next Door
poses: agp, (old Gabriel gg)

Look two
blouse: Ingenue, Penelope Blouse Sherbet (yesterday’s Lazy Sunday item)
skirt: Ingenue, Memo Toffee
shoes: Ingenue, Citron Vintage Rose
skin: DT, Mensje Rose Basic CL3 NoBrows Fr
lip tattoo: Curio, Pout Lips 1 (freebie at Skin Fair)
eyes: amperlope, aquamarine slur eyes (NEW; ty Ampersand!)
hair: Exile, Betsy Booming Blonde
necklace: chuculet, ina pearl necklace cream
stockings: Insolence, Kiss Me Cream Seamed stockings
poses: Olive Juice, Heart your Face

set: /ME, lets the voices win (old ZPH gift)


One thought on “Wanna be on top

  1. I was thinking, “Wait… you mean I missed the second episode?” Oh, no. No, that’s just you laying down some clever script concept. Awesome. And the idea isn’t even that wacky, considering that this week they’re going to be attacked by bees. Anything for fashion, bay-bee.

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