Bliss as a bottom

pale hedda This weekend I had the pleasure of demo bottoming for a shibari (kinbaku) class at the local dungeon. This is something I never thought I would be able to do, on account of my advancing age, my funny face and my generous stomach, not to mention my inexperience. (Where “experience” means two or three years participating in a committed heteronormative relationship with weekly painful, upside-down suspensions mimicking circus-style professional rope performances and/or high-end photographs of full-time bondage models.) It’s true that I wasn’t asked to bottom, but when I found out that the man I’d started playing with was going to teach a class, I volunteered by text and he responded with an (admittedly non-stoked-sounding) “okay.” In January at Shibaricon, I had stepped up as a last-minute bottom when he, a total stranger, needed a partner for a private class with a fabulous rigger. That was an extraordinary experience. I thought it was only fitting that we recreate it. We’d played a couple of times before we met for this week’s rehearsal. I had discovered that he is really mean and prefers to be brutal, and I am not someone who wants to be brutalized. (I had, it’s true, enjoyed grappling with him and trying to evade his assaults. The vicious hairpulling and unrelenting pressure-point-pushing were tough but … well, let’s just say that, if he ever asks, I will not hesitate to deny any interest in breast slapping and nipple twisting.) So I arrived at his place feeling like there wasn’t much hope that we’d be anything but teammates for a single class and thereafter wave to each other at munches. But then we rehearsed and my feelings changed.
pale dramaWe discovered that my top doesn’t have to thump me to be mean. He has the option of meanly keeping me in line, something I never thought I’d allow. The type of rope he was set to teach is derived from Yukimura Haruki’s style and philosophy. It’s designed to exercise close control over the bottom’s body, and yet because the techniques of capturing and tying the bottom use the bottom’s body “against” her, I got to be far more mobile than I could be in a typical partial suspension with impact play. An aspect of this style that I particularly enjoy—because I like to feel humiliated—is the top exposing the bottom’s body. The day we rehearsed, I was wearing a long skirt. My top reached out along my extended leg to slowly pull the skirt up till it covered only a few inches of my upper thigh. When I half-whined “My leg is cold,” he responded “Tough.” This made me giggle on the inside, so he wouldn’t hear me, because it was the perfect rebuff of a gratuitous complaint. When we taught the class a few days later, he gave me the option to demonstrate how fruitless it would be to struggle. That seemed lame, so I said “ummm” and then tried to escape completely. He brought me down easily. I yelped and groaned and knelt with my head to the mat to demonstrate my complete surrender. He rotated me 45 degrees so that the class could see the next part of the demo and then shocked the hell out of me when he smacked my foot to drive my leg back into the proper position. I deserved that, exactly that, as a correction to my behavior, and it was perfectly satisfying. He felt that way too. (There’s nudity under the cut. For realz.)
pale pichi Because shibari teachers focus so much on tying—which is demanding and rewarding and worth the attention— they neglect to convey the passion and poetry of a scene. Our class started with lively play. The techniques are designed to provoke strong responses in the bottom and I am a yelper and thrasher at heart. After we’d done our sexy demo, my top held me in his arms while laying out the plan for the class. I wasn’t so post-rope woozy that I needed to be held, but I wasn’t going to give up that hug, which was both a lovely surprise and the only sensible thing to do, in the name of no-nonsense education. We kept up our playfulness and passion, and it spread to the students as my top explained methods for controlling the bottom with one piece of strategically placed rope and some exquisite man-handling. (Methods that I now know well enough to try outfoxing him in the future.) Maybe our presentation was so exciting because my top is so skilled. Maybe it was because the two of us have chemistry. Maybe it was because Yukimura and his followers understand that control has to be dynamic. Maybe it was because I put myself out there, and when I’m out there in rope I am more—more physical, more emotional, more responsive, and, even when I’m transiting through altered states and personalities, more me. Rope bottoms feel beautiful when they’re playing, so much so that if they later see pictures of themselves flailing and grimacing they may try to manage the disconnect by disavowing their internal experience. And by feeling embarrassed for looking ugly and for being dumb or conceited enough to think differently. This weekend I savored the very personal triumph of being a beautiful demo bottom. (“Fuck those skinny young yoga bitches” was going to be my rallying cry. I didn’t need it.) The best part of the experience is that I came out of it feeling a deep, almost cosmic, gratitude to the kinky bastard who figured out that tying people up with rope, and tying them well, tying them with feeling, was a really good idea.

tram, F719 hair(S) / silver (group gift, free to join)
Essences, Runa Pale02 (Catwa, LeLutka and Omega appliers plus Maitreya body applier) (group gift) [The body applier is organized according to pubic hair styles! This made me happy, since pubic hair denial seems to be the default attitude. I was, however, sorry to see that none of the styles offered is natural looking.]
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
Pichi, Roses are Not Red tattoo (Maitreya version) [The back is really lovely too. A wonderful tat. Comes in faded and white versions.)
Zenith, Criminal Police Jacket rose (gacha)
Luxuria, Celine lingerie Peach Echo (was a ROMP gift)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
(pose box: Glitterati, Boxy (only available on Marketplace)


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