Express yourself

scarlettebutt After the wretched experience with the asshole rigger—who still hasn’t apologized for actively neglecting to affirm my performance when I bottomed for his class—I was feeling miserable. This is a wound that has been opening up every other day, surprising and devastating me every time. I can’t seem to inure myself against it. I haven’t confronted the asshole because he asked for time and space. Both have been expanding at a rate that Dr. Who would find alarming. I haven’t confronted him because I know that he will never play with me again if I require him to deal with his incapacity for generosity. I’m a desperate idiot, trying to keep that possibility of play open because I believe that no one else could want me. Meanwhile, it’s his behaviour that has left me feeling that way, like a lousy bottom who doesn’t deserve appreciation. Over Labour Day weekend, I managed to distract myself by devoting ten hours to K. Kieslowski’s excellent Dekalog. I traveled for business soon after. In a strange town, the universe smiled on me, sending me a rigger who is capable of showing respect and appreciation. Like the asshole, this rigger is a devotee of Yukimura ryu, but he has studied more extensively in Japan. He is considered to be one of the top riggers in his community. He determined from my FetLife profile that we share a love for Yukimura ryu and that we would be at the same event—and he contacted me to ask if I’d like to tie. He contacted me! He clearly enjoyed sceneing with me, was attentive and playful during the rest of the evening, and took me out for coffee the next day. Instead of saying, as the asshole did, “all a bottom has to do is be vulnerable,” he said “the way you express yourself in rope is awesome.” scarletteeyes

Credits
NEW DE Designs – Scarlette Corset – Maitreya – Vintage 3 [with colour change laces] (at We <3 Roleplay)
NEW *LODE* Head Accessory – Grapes and Roses [merlot grape roses] (Chapter Four gacha)
NEW Asteria, Scratches [Omega] Blood and Burn versions in pics one and two respectively (was at Fetish Fair, not sure if it's still on)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5Kin-Cricket-[Black] hair
-Glam Affair – Eles Asia 04 NB
fri. – Kendall.Platforms (Pewter) – Maitreya
S&P [Salt & Pepper] Avery cuffs
(r)M ~ Posture Collar ~ No.07 (Size M) (an oldie but a goodie, so well made)
cage: Dutchie/Rustica, La Signora Della Pazienza
shot at Ethereal City [join the group for access to group areas]

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