Rope’s end

ihazasadcensoredFull frontal nudity under the cut and the latest events leading to a ropeless future.I’ve run through the local rope tops. One said yes in person and then no in writing for the last time. One cancelled a big date for Ropecraft with not enough notice. She probably got scared off because I was unhappy about this. One got in touch by PM, then ignored my invite. So I ignored her at the event. A new woman invited me to do the intensive I thought I would attend alone. I was glad she felt comfortable enough with me to learn in public, conquering one of her fears. But I assumed that she was learning ties—the gote, the futo momo, the ebi, etc.—and she assumed we could also emulate the relationship the top was creating with the bottom. It didn’t occur to me that was a possibility, given that we don’t know each other. No other partner has taken this approach. Even in a Rope and Power class, I had to prod my partner into taking me down by saying “I ain’t handin’ it to yuh.” (Before the last exercise I said “You won’t break me.” That was what he needed to hear. Of course I was bluffing.)
ropeendAt the intensive, I let a non-negotiated gagging and blindfolding occur, and the next day told my top that I felt vexed at myself for not stopping it. “We need to negotiate,” I said, “if we are going to do any of that today.” Unfortunately, class was starting so we didn’t get a chance to discuss this. She spent the day feeling like she didn’t dare put rope on me again. I thought she was just tired. In the course of the PM exchange we had a couple of days later, we discovered that we saw the teacher/demo-bottom relationship differently. She saw speedy, uncompromising taking of control. (For some reason women get uncompromising with me when I am lying on my back with frog-legs spread.) I saw a slow, beautiful relinquishing of control. Because we had conflicting ideas about the nature of the teacher/model relationship, negotiating to emulate that relationship would not have averted disaster. When I articulated my viewpoint and she responded by telling me I was passive aggressive, I managed to avert a blow-up by stating that I always share experiences with my partners so that I can think things through with them. (This is the truth, not just pacification.) I think we had differing points-of-view on the teacher/demo-bottom dynamic because each of us is conscious of her own agency in a scene. I don’t think she’s comfortable with the idea that I am giving up my power, not just collapsing under hers. (Which is sad, because when she gagged me without consent, she plugged my gaping maw with a big knot of rope that she tied while the rope was in my mouth. Not before she put the rope in there. That’s hot.) We agreed to exchange no more PMs because they are too easy to misconstrue, and, tacitly, to let it go while she is away for the next couple of months. We aren’t compatible, but she’s a fascinating person, so I would like to be friendly.
confounded2Lastly, I finally lost patience with the person I’d been taking classes with in the spring and summer when, two days before the intensive, he once again asked me to substitute for his preferred partner, who canceled for the third time. I said I’m not willing to be a replacement, and I said this when I believed he was my only chance at having a top for the intensive. Because self-respect! Where does that leave me? I plan to audit our monthly classes. There’s no end to the pleasure of rope education because it’s fucking fascinating. (That is not a Japanese precept, but it should be.) If one of our community’s countless unpartnered bottoms agrees, I will try learning to tie. I accept that I won’t be able to do the intensive at the end of January. I am now dreaming of finding someone by July, when the teacher I love most is spending a week in my city. This is the end, temporary I hope, of my run as a rope bunny. I know I’ve mentioned before that rope changed my life—that it gave me my body, and “sexual” pleasure, at the advanced age of 46. I’m afraid not only of losing that ecstatic body but also of forgetting how it feels to be in rope. What if I go back to being unblissfully unaware?

Pics 1 and 2
White Widow, Fences tat (also comes in white, for POE Hunt)
Vanilla +FGINC.+ Afterplay marks (2nd edition) [These marks suggest it’s okay to put rope around elbows. It’s not. The knee joints are also too vulnerable. Put your ropes above and/or below elbow and knee joints. Rope on ankle and wrist should be above the joint.]
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
rope cuffs: I collect these things from props
antielle. Dissolved Tears (past gacha)
NOX. Smudged Mascara [Black]
-[TWC]- Little star face (anniversary SaNaRae gift)
#adored – kit lashes
#EMPIRE – Ipomoea – Maitreya
*Dura-Boys&Girls*40(Black)
-Glam Affair – Sasha skin – India 01 F
pose: dfo! The Girl Who Waited
shot at Ethereal City

Pic 3
hair by tram, harness by S&P, see previous posts

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