I topped someone, kinda

tearing-up-saturated I topped for the first time at today’s rope class. It was about untying with intent, which was good, because I can do that. It’s a simple fact that I have no talent for knots and frictions and patterns and physics and maintaining tension while working with knots and frictions etc. But invite me to maintain tension while undoing knots and frictions, while unfixing patterns, while forgetting physics, and I can handle rope like someone who knows what she’s doing. Doing to her bottom, that is. Turns out my instinct is to handle a bottom the way I want to be handled. With body manipulation as well as rope weaving. With slow sensuous movements, then efficient ones, then disconcerting pauses in the action. I didn’t know the man I topped, so I didn’t go too far. He was a very responsive bottom, experienced enough to be relaxed and trusting (even though I was clumsy). I now have a better idea how good it must feel to play with me, because I also respond readily to my top’s moves. (Yes, I said something positive about myself.) (There’s a wee bit of naughty on the flip side of the cut—the flip side of my model’s butt.)
pottedpeachI treated my bottom the way I want to be treated, which is a combination of safe/sane/consensual rope principles and respect and sensitivity. I asked him before I started to tie if he had any injuries or physical limitations and if there were places he didn’t want me to put the rope. I told him to tell me when he needed to come out of something resembling a rifle tie, which is tough to sustain. As the class progressed, I checked whether he was okay with the affect I was creating—very hands-on but not handsy—and with the extensive body manipulation. (I was given the intent “to bend.” Since rope doesn’t bend, I had to go for his limbs.) “And how do you feel about pain?” I asked. He said he liked it, so I did a little rope twisting in the last exercise. I watched his face for grimaces while I tightened the ties, giving him just a little more when he gasped. I made eye contact when I laid him down on his back or side, and he gave me the mongoose-hypnotized-by-a-cobra look, which is exactly what I enjoy seeing in a bottom’s eyes. I was very glad when my bottom said it felt like the rope was an extension of me, not just rope coming off. And I was also glad to affirm his responsiveness. When I noticed that the other top in this two-couple class was pulling out all the stops on a rope-newbie woman he’d just met, I was also fucking proud of myself for not throwing my partner into the deep end just because I could.
beautyIf you’ve been reading Pleisure you know that I am taking a forced hiatus from bottoming. I’ve run through all the tops I know. So it was tough to watch the teacher tie her bottom, especially for the last exercise when she tugged and twisted her into a stressful predicament partial suspension. I could feel how the rope tortured her, which parts of her body ached, which had gone numb. I knew why she whimpered at some moments and cried out at others. I could imagine how the sexy neck play would arouse and alarm me. And then I had to imagine never experiencing any of that again. I was on the verge of tears all the way home. I feel good about finally topping, about having the confidence to handle rope and a body, in public no less, after two and a half years of going to lessons as a bottom. It’s wonderful to realize that if I top by employing the elements that I enjoy as a bottom, I am doubly self-expressive. But it was terrible to discover just how keenly my body feels what it’s missing.

Anorak wears
r2 A/D/E yuki[sheer gold]Maitreya comes with panties (at Collabor88)
little bones. Mara, The Blend Pack (at Collabor88)
Vanilla +FGInc.+ Afterplay marks 30% (Tintable)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Pure Poison – Gold Goddess Sandals – XXS need Slink Avatar Enhancement Feet Mid V2.3
++NODe++Tears02
.Keystone. Annyn Nose Chains – Single – Right – Dark Gold
Glam Affair – Amberly – Artic Valentine 02
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Infiniti, On Display Table Prop (past ROMP)

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