Good dolly, bad dolly, mad dolly

I haven’t talked to a friend of mine for two months. Let’s call her C. I am furious with C and can imagine no way of talking about what happened without saying extraordinarily mean things with an extraordinarily mean face. Like me, C is a rope bottom. Unlike me, she does suspensions and can thus ask anyone to tie her. She’s very successful at this because, as I have discovered recently, C demands instead of asking. She seemed very sweet last summer when she asked me to tie her. This was when I started to learn. We scened three times over a couple of months. After the third time, I realized that C is extremely controlling in scene. It’s not so much that she’s incapable of surrender. It seems rather that she uses rope bottoming to intensify her need for control and her experience of scene-time dissatisfaction with tops who can’t control her. I stopped scening over the fall and winter of 2017. The drawn-out ending of the best partnership I’ve ever had, family betrayal and health problems had left me depressed. I didn’t think it would be safe to take responsibility for another person’s psyche during and after a scene. When I started tying again I played with two of our mutual friends and C let me know that she was hurt that I hadn’t asked her. This worried me. It seemed like a self-centered overreaction.

I felt ambivalent about tying C again and avoided the subject. Four months ago C volunteered eagerly to bottom for me in a class and I accepted. C does not hesitate to tell people before, during and after labbing that she is bored by labbing and yet she does it all the time. In conversation, C has said mean things to me about her regular partners, who don’t tie her the way she wants them to tie. The only time she expressed satisfaction with a partner was when they were having a charged (because not quite licit) sexual relationship. Despite being disappointed she ties with everyone, usually with two people a night. Why two people? Because C messages multiple rope tops to ask them to tie and then ties with everyone who says yes.
The incident that prompted my silence occurred on the last day of a convention when attendees were teaching brief classes. C was leaving early. I said it would be nice to spend time with her before she went. That is all I said. I tied C in the toe-rope class and then ran into another friend, B, in the finger-rope class. B is also a bottom who ties. I volunteered to bottom for B. As we started the second exercise, C called out in a childish way “I want to bottom,” to which I replied “I’m her bottom,” in an assertive way. C had no trouble getting the instructor to tie her after that. (Poor little C.) When the session was over C said to me in a prissy voice “A, I would like you to ask me nicely next time you want…” Wow. I could not believe my ears. After I pointed out that I was not being impolite, that I had expressed myself in my usual sassy way, and C was not budging, I observed that I had asserted myself. I waited to see if C caught my drift. She didn’t. I then said in an outrageously insincere manner “I apologize unreservedly.” I said it again, louder and more aggressively I mean unreservedly. I wanted to get away from her. I hadn’t said a word about tying her; she just assumed that was the natural order of things. It was this incident that made me realize that C thinks that all the rope is for her and all the tops are there to serve her (poorly, as it turns out). No other bottom has any standing, any rights or any NEEDs.

Let’s talk about polite before I go any further. If I go to B’s rope salon I say “Hey B, if you haven’t got anything planned yet it would be great if we could lab.” B may say no or she may say yes to my suggestion. She is free to decide. One night C walked into B’s house and said in a bratty voice, “I wanna be tied.” And then she said it again and again until B agreed. C doesn’t ask politely. She demands. Now let’s talk about wants … no let’s talk about needs. I have not bottomed for a scene since last July. I have lived in a state of extreme rope privation. C, who knows this but who has obviously not thought about how that must feel, wanted me to apologize for not asking nicely if I could bottom for ten minutes of finger rope at a con. Ten fucking minutes. Not even a chest harness. Just fingers. Just a tiny bit of rope that would go a long way to satisfying my need to be tied, and my need to be affirmed as a bottom, but would have left C cold.
My wants, my needs are not being met because I can’t scene. At least I have wants and needs that can be met, unlike C. Any scene satisfies some part of me, whether it’s my instinct for surrender, my sense of humor, my libido, my appreciation for the top’s art or a feeling of wonder at how close people can be when they do rope. It may be that scenes satisfy me because, unlike C, I don’t tie with just anyone, and I don’t tie with people I am going to diss behind their back. C thinks she lives in a perfect world in which she ties with all her lovely friends—but she’s in it for the bondage ride and for whatever part of her is satisfied by having something, having anything. I will never tie C again. I will never lab with C again. I don’t know how to tell her that. Can I say this: “C you’re a wonderful person until we get around rope and then you’re a fucking cunt from the deepest circle of hell”?
By the way, when I first wrote this I called C by the letter A. Then I decided that I am A. Because I Am. And because I Am Angry.

Both dollies
all Cureless items are Epiphany gacha
CURELESS[+] Melodic Doll / Doll Choker / GOLD
CURELESS[+] Melodic Doll / Dolly Arm RARE (I can haz bento doll handz!)
CURELESS[+] Melodic Doll / Dolly Leg GOLD
CURELESS[+] Melodic Doll / Quaver Shoes / GOLD
Lelutka, Simone head 3.0
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
Michan, Meredith Lashes

Good dolly
tram, F1124 HUD B
r2 A/D/E kanna pasties[pink]Maitreya
r2 A/D/E kanna panties[pink]Maitreya
Glam Affair – Kinga ( LeLutka Applier ) Asia
{Frick} Dolly Makeup in Pink {Lelutka App} (past gift)

Bad dolly
Doe: Seren [Fit] – Indecisive (Epiphany gacha)
*PROMAGIC* Kinky -Pasties-Gold (past gacha)
r2 A/D/E haruka panties[black]Maitreya
Glam Affair ( Lelutka Heads ) LiuLy ( Artic ) 02 (past gacha)
Zibska Tini Lips Lelutka Applier

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