In the hanging garden

all mod cons bwHe called to cancel our date on Friday afternoon. His father is seriously ill. He wouldn’t see him till Sunday. He couldn’t think about anything else. I cried on public transportation for 75 minutes. If it had been a crowded rush-hour train all the bodies would have afforded me some privacy. (One very nice man did give me a napkin and encouraged me to open it to get the most out of it.) In texts, I tried to suggest alternatives to the elaborate rope scene my top and I had been planning. I was selfish, but… I don’t know him very well. It’s possible a little light bondage is the perfect thing to relieve his stress. Tops are said to lack control in their lives and enjoy controlling the bottom’s body; for rope tops this extends to the intense focus of the tying. (Bottoms are said to seek relief from obligations to act. [Obligations to act might be called “power” if most bottoms were men.] My career as a professor saddles me with more responsibility and authority than I want. And yet I’ve never been in a scene that freed me from making decisions. The possibility of nerve damage keeps me alert.) (There’s RL lingerie and, yes, some tasteful avatar nudity after the dreaded cut.) Continue reading

Ear play is not my kink

no fond farewellI spent two weeks trying to write—and avoiding writing—an account of a partial suspension rope scene that left me bummed, not blissed, out. I want to be truthful about the downsides of BDSM. It’s not always ecstatic, and it can go wrong in ways that aren’t as notable and traumatic as injury or consent violation. I got bogged down writing up the details of the rigging, comparing the depressing partial suspension to the uplifting partial my regular top and I did the previous month. Suffice to say, the dispiriting tie was not torture, just challenging, an unintended predicament. The predicament extended beyond the rigging in both space and time. We were at a pro dungeon party and other attendees were sitting on a couch directly across from us, watching us play as though we were television (premium channel, I hope). I think this made both of us tense. More importantly, I had spent more than a week feeling all colours of upset because my top would not commit to a date to scene. He needs to get it together. But I had fucked up by agreeing that we could “play it by ear,” even though I know that I am not capable of being laid back or spontaneous. Ear play, it’s not my kink. (You’ll get an eyeful under the cut, so don’t proceed if eye play is not, y’know…) Continue reading


peer pressured Today’s photos are just the result of fooling around with a few cool things. First, Stella, a LeLutka head, something which initially I refused to buy because I can only afford to buy skins when they are discounted and I found no deals to steal. As soon as I saw Glam Affair’s Liss gacha I happily set about choosing a mesh noggin, comparing all until I realized that the differences among them are misleading because the whole line communicates the same general aesthetic. (For some reason that aesthetic makes for some very flat faces.) Second, the 3.4 version of Maitreya’s Lara body, which I will use more now that the options are more comprehensive and I discovered a group of fanatical users who generate tips for making it work. (I thought I was the only one who had been thrown back to the SL of old, when one had to reapply, rebake, relog or relent.) Last but not least, an r2 A/D/E dress I somehow forgot to blog. Rei seems to have skipped Collabor88 for September, which is a shame because I have developed a simple very satisfying formula for shooting each month’s offering: r2 outfit + tattoo + chains + outer space.

r2 A/D/E reijin[XS] copper
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.1
Glam Affair, Liss 11 India (gacha at Kustom9 and yard sales) If you have an extra Liss 1 Africa, I would love to buy or trade for it.
Maitreya, Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
Tattoo Mania, Joon (VIP group gift, NO fee to join)
~Tableau Vivant~ Healy – Tie & Dye I (old gacha or gift?)
. a i s l i n g . WristCuffs (came free from a bondage prop demo)
R.icielli – SKULL EARRING /GRAFF (olde)
pose 2: Grafica, from Stand Tall pack (thanks Alyx!)
shot at Era of Salvation landing point

Never let me go

i'msurethat'snotAlaska Never let me go to school, that is. Today I slathered poor Anorak with moles and tears in an attempt to convey just how distressing it is to have to return to professing. Then I didn’t get a closeup, so there’s no emotion here, just a weirdly big-butted babe wondering why she can see Alaska from her front porch.
cupcake Shortcake Sugarplum, creator for No. 7, has just released a stunning array of dark crazy-colour lipsticks, some of them matte like icing, some of them speckled with sprinkles. Sprinkles, like on a cupcake or frozen yogurt or everything your four-year-old creates in some kind of twisted plan to fill you with fattening food. (Let’s face it, it’s kindergarten that starts kids down the sprinkles road. And kindergarten is a form of school.) Traditional tattoo, LeLutka and The Mesh Project versions of the No. 7 lipsticks are available now at The Instruments.
piedra BYRNE’s new Piedra dress, also available at The Instruments, is a perfect harbinger of fall. Sharpen your pencils, but only if you’ve resigned yourself to the inevitable.

no. 7 [ Cupcake Lipstick ]- pink sprinkles (NEW at The Instruments; ty Ms S!)
Glam Affair – Brandi Sweet – Asia – 01 A (old FLF item)
antielle. Dissolved Tears (Epiphany gacha)
Nox. Beauty Marks [Four]
MIA14 … BEAUTY MARKS 1 (came with skin)
[:Tuli:] Tiny Heart Mole (group gift)
[Lauria] Clara Perfect Fit lashes (n/a)
Altair, loony’s delicious tears (you can’t see them, but they’re prim tears and they’re on sale)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Grey Eye
duboo, choucream glasses (so old they’re haunted)
/Wasabi Pills/ Sasha Mesh Hair – Rouge (ty MissAllSunday Lemon!)
(BYRNE) Piedra Dress-Cobalt/Pink and Cobalt/Red in one pack (NEW at The Instruments)
REIGN.- Ballarina Warmers (S)- Flat- BLACK [includes the feet and slippers] (NEW at Collabor88)
MG – Bangles – Painted Leaves – Large – (part of a set, colour change)
Pure Poison – Wooden Fox Earrings (old gift)
Clemmm, Bandaged Fingers
Slink, Avatar Enhancement Hands V2.1 – Casual
poses pics 1 and 3: Kirin from Hera and Nina packs
pose pic 2: Label Motion, Black Balloon pack (oldish gg)
location: tomoto

Customer servzall, 2073

throne out 2073. Whoever assembled the new La-Z-Boi forgot to stock the mini-bar and weapons orbs. Continue reading

If humiliation spoke

dangerousnerves In today’s post I try to put into words the feelings I experienced in a D/s scene of erotic humiliation. Writing this post was not easy because it’s partly about life with my father, who was a jerk. You are going to be reading an abridged version of a longer piece I couldn’t finish because I couldn’t resolve my thoughts about him. As I intimated in my August 4th post, I am following Freud’s dictum that adult neurosis—of the kind that makes for ordinary misery—can be traced back to childhood experiences. (That is, it’s normal to be unable to resolve one’s thoughts about one’s parents.) If this doesn’t sound like your type of read, resist the compulsion to click.   Continue reading

Hottie for the hell of it

waiting for the miracle to come Very occasionally I dress Portia up, like she’s a doll and I am a toddler intent on being intent, bringing beauty into the world because I can. I had a strong feeling that Portia should not go to Collabor88 without upping her fashion game. (Not that anyone could see her. Her feet stood next to her a la Magritte, and the torso of her Maitreya body floated around her in some pastiche of Balla and Picasso rehabbing Barbie.) I checked out the 55L sale at Wayne and chose a slinky, high-slit dress for my lady, who rarely works it this hard. She gets naked, outer-spacey and semi-coutureish, but she’s too down-to-earth (or uptight) to turn hottie for the hell of it.

WAYNE / Venus Dress India – M (55L in store)
WAYNE / Raisa Pumps [for SLINK feet] (colour and strap change) (55L on Marketplace)
.ET. Magic Ride Necklace Gold (old gacha)
ieQED, wright.shades.wood
Zibska, Keane ~ Earrings (part of s set; colour and size change)
[The Forge] Boho Bracelet, (Gold) (gacha)
-Glam Affair – Yolandi Africa – 02 A (gacha)
-dDx- Ohna (Natural Ginger) hair
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.4 with Lara hands
Slink, Female Feet (AvEnhance) XXS – High
poses: Marukin new location opening gift


missing you “Fnuh” means I hate it when my rope top is not available. “Fnuh” doesn’t mean I hate it when my avatar looks lovely. I can always count on LpD creator Nevery Lorakeet to tempt my digital doll out of the darkness and into something sweet and elegant. The Violette dress combines a relaxed avant-garde cut with a soft classic fabric. Each version of the dress features a lovely colour combination: dark blue with yellow, white with pink, green and pastel pink, pink and light blue, light yellow with lilac, and the burnt orange with light blue version worn here. I love creative colour pairing so it was very difficult to choose just one dress to show you. In a tribute to the beautiful pale-grey dye jobs I am seeing IRL, my model also wears MissAllSunday Lemon’s greatest Hair Fair hit—the Pepper style with its multi-colour band, which you can see below the cut. (You will also have the opportunity to see what my av gets up to when a hobby horse is her only companion. And you will be able to read  about my latest adventures in kink and therapy.) Continue reading

Don’t call me kitten, or do (I can’t decide)

dont callmekitten Believe it or not, one of my soft SL limits is sporting a collar that’s tagged with a sweet word like “Princess” or “Precious” or “Kitten.” IRL I do not like being called a rope “bunneh”: I’m not a pea-brained, silent furry creature that’s fun to pet! (I just like being tied up. And petted.) It is the case, however, that I admire lines like tsg and Altair. When I saw the cute Kokoro collar, Altair’s fundraising contribution to the Lexi Project, I figured that it might be okay to buy it and take it for a spin. For charity. I set the tag to “Kitten,” collared my cute alt Hedda—instead of the more womanly Portia—and was not surprised that despite the good cause “Kitten” felt demeaning. (Don’t venture under the cut if you think veiled nudity is just as bad.) Continue reading