To play or not to play

Anyone who has been reading Pleisure knows that my fall 2016 rope walkabout was rough. I called one scene because I was being mauled. A Canadian man I really liked, and who seemed to really like me, ghosted. Etc. So I decided to be more careful about who I play with by getting to know a rigger before scening. After a successful first coffee, a potential partner and I made a plan to play a few weeks later. This seemed like a distant event, so I suggested we have dinner sometime in the intervening weeks. His dinner conversation was deeply discouraging. He told me he’d read my Fet profile and couldn’t give me what I want. He told me that he hates the idea of doing anything and that he loathes leaving his house even though he always enjoys himself when he goes out. He didn’t take me up on either of my sexy conversational gambits. I listened to what he had to say and responded patiently, but he persisted, insisted “It’s not you, it’s me.” I was remarkably calm when I told him that I didn’t see myself playing with someone who dreaded the idea of it. “Anticipation, shared between me and my partner, is essential,” I said. “I want to play with someone who is excited about playing with me. I’m not going to come up with a cute outfit for person who might not even show up.” I told him I’d think it over. So there I was, seriously considering passing up a rare opportunity to play, and to bottom for the first time since December, and not feeling like it was the end of the world. I might not be able to do better, but I was glad I could say I want better.
The next morning I texted a friend: “Am I getting to know people in order to weed out the idiots, or in order to find out how idiotic they are and adjust my expectations accordingly?” Her answer was “Both?” I was heading out of town so I had five days to think about what I wanted to do. My potential partner found some enthusiasm in the meantime. At dinner I told him I’m curious about far more than what my profile specifies, and I named some of my fantasies. This hadn’t moved him. Telling him we probably shouldn’t play and I’d get back to him apparently warmed his feet. After I got back into town, I contacted him and suggested we keep the date but not actually scene. “Let’s just do some rope.” He is now sending upbeat texts that conclude with exclamation marks. My suggestion that we aim for discomfort and dishevelment elicited a smiley face. Now I am the one who is reserved. I have an outfit in mind, but it’s not cute: a long silky voluminous dress will challenge the rigger in him rather than put my body on display. And I’ve resolved to negotiate for a hands-off aftercare—no cuddling, no compliments, just conversation. About carabiners, perhaps.

O V H [aka Overhigh] .Agnes Coat . maitreya (at Versus; this is an amazing steal because it’s a pack featuring four colours—black, grey, white and olive green)
AZOURY – Suzon Headwear with fur&rhinestones Gold [Black]
Le Morte – Lock3d Faith – Black collar
fri. – Sugar.Platforms (Lilac) for Maitreya Lara
Ama. : Taken : Black [face tat: may have been retired or may still be on sale] (I love Ama.)
9 RARE -[TWC]- Blossom tattoo maitreya (recently past gacha; not taking this off ever)
-Glam Affair – Sia Artic tone – 02 G (just plain old)
{S0NG} :: Chibi~ Abyss Eye
mijn.botique accessories / studded earrings n.2 (not available)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Marukin poses
[Kres], Kinky Neon Signs Gacha 10 [Obey] (at Kinky Monthly)


swingshiftingI’ve been missing, so missing that I couldn’t post these pics of my avi looking so pretty that chocolates want to eat her.
hud-for-dpyumyumI love the cute **DP**yumyum hairdo that Anorak sports in this post, mainly because of the lovely limited-time colour assortment.
ringding Ama’s new group gift is Forever Mine, a Tokon 2 compatible leash-holder in the form of a ring. It matches ama’s Forever Yours slave set. Available at Liaison Collaborative, this set features a chest-plate and ankle and wrist cuffs in the form of hearts with hardware.

Ama.: Forever Yours (colour-change set includes collar, and wrist and ankle cuffs [Tokon 2 compatible] at Liaison Collaborative) [My one complaint here is that the cuffs are on the undersides of the wrists, so they don’t show up in most poses.]
Ama.: Forever Mine leash holder (Tokon 2 compatible; colour-change; group gift—100L fee to join; other gifts, among them the baby pink and blue penis balloons, are available)
**DP**yumyum, *barberyumyum*57 Limited Color hair pack [winter special, so it might disappear]
.Birdy. May Skin ~Peaches~ (Bare) (oldish)
9 RARE -[TWC]- Blossom tattoo maitreya (recently past gacha) [There’s a variation on this at Kawaii Fair. Unfortunately, the chest reads Babygirl, which limits its appeal IMHO.]
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
-Pixicat- Delicate.Dress – Red (maitreya)
fri. – Sarah.Janes (Rose) – Maitreya (possibly a special 50L Friday colour)
LaGyo_Laurel earring gold (oldish)
Pose 2: flowey
shot in one of the theatres at Elysium City of Templemore

Wrapped and bowed

kinbakufemdomKinbaku Femdom is the name of a lovely rainy Japanese sim dedicated to dominating men. The house is open on one side, overlooking a grassy garden that plays home to a lazy tiger. I was surprised to see four relatively tame illustrations of fundoshi-clad bound men. I haven’t encountered these anywhere else in SL. They didn’t turn me on. I couldn’t find any suffering in them.
tattedI’ve started to tie, to top, and thus far have practiced only on one small man. We switched at an intensive. He’s good at knots and patterns. I’m better at rope handling and body manipulation. He hasn’t learned to not anticipate his rigger, so I enjoyed slapping and scolding him lightly when he offered up his wrists to be untied. Having spent many rope classes envying the cuddly het couples around me, I was happy to see women tying men, women tying women and most of the couples switching. I also realized that if I’m not locked into a couple, if I’m just taking class with a buddy, I get to flirt with the teacher. Which I did. Now there’s a small man who would look good hanging on a femdom wall.

These pics sat for eight or more days on my desktop. For the gachas you will have to try Marketplace.
.Birdy. May Skin ~Peaches~ (Bare)
[PF] Metallic Lipsticks – Red [edited]
The White Crow, 9 RARE -[TWC]- Blossom (at the Epiphany)
LYBRA .Knots Bodysuit Coral (maitreya) (was at ROMP)
Moon. Hair. // Smother – Pastels 02 (past gacha)
Violent Seduction – Agape Legwraps (Red) (at the Epiphany)
Zibska, Kiele Foot Straps color change ****for Slink feet
Muka, Burlesque Bow color change
[ kunst ] – Piercing #6 (olde gacha)
[atooly] jakayla nipple piercing
{S0NG} :: Chibi~ Abyss Eye
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
pic 3: Purple Poses, Brigite pack
shot at Kinbaku Femdom If you think you want to visit do it now. Cool places disappear.

Too many to march

standanddeliversannaWhen the organizers of the women’s march realized 50,000 people might show up, they canceled the planned u-turn route so the crowd wouldn’t run into itself. When 250,000 showed up today, they had to cancel what was left of the march, a short, straight shot from the park to Federal Plaza. We marched it all the same. This was a beautiful day. It was a rally, not a protest, but there were dozens of resistance-inspiring signs and slogans. My favourite by far was “The pussy grabs back.”
stalking-nurseWounded and without the Affordable Care Act, which the Republicans repealed in the dead of night. Now they’ll defund it. They have no plan to replace it.

r2 A/D/E tsubaki[white&red]Maitreya (at Collabor88: the two items are sold separately; there are also cool armwarmers)
r2 A/D/E tsubaki boots[white&red]Maitreya (at Collabor88: the two items are sold separately)
Violetility – Voodoo Doll Heart and Spine CHERRY (at Memento Mori)
Nox, Spanked butt (includes butt, chest, vag and vag and butt, classic layers, TMP and OMEGA appliers) (at ROMP)
Suicide Gurls, Asrid Unisex tattoo (VIP group gift—fee to join)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
La Petite Morte, india v2 albino lelutka applier tone 1 (on sale for 100L—go upstairs to find it)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
[LeLutka]-BRIGITTE hair – Marilyn (on Marketplace)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Shot at Insilico

Who’s got the stick?

prodommeA colleague and I have each been asked to teach an extra course without overload pay to cover for someone who quit without warning, effective immediately. Correction, we weren’t asked; we were told to do it. There’s no money to hire an adjunct, we were told. Then we were told that if we signed a contract to mount an online course, before we have an agreement with the university that protects our IP rights, we could have money for an adjunct for one of the classes. There’s no money, but there’s money. But only if you’re desperate enough, or dumb enough, to fall for this blackmail. We called the union, which was certified last spring, but which has not yet negotiated a new contract. Over the weekend, I learned that the administration can force us to teach the courses and we can launch a grievance, with protection because it is collective action. But protected action is never really protected. We can’t be fired, but we can be made miserable. The union notes that what the administration is trying to push through would be a unilateral change to working conditions, which is not allowed. We are also in a teaching emergency situation because we were left in the lurch, and there are supposed to be funds to cover emergencies. But the boss believes that he is in the right, that colleagues must absorb a professor’s workload when she retires suddenly, and that they will keep doing it because there isn’t going to be a replacement. A replacement would cost money. And there’s no money. Unless there is.laborCalling the union and asking them to sit in on today’s meeting with the admin was my idea. I didn’t know that calling the union would leave me feeling so awful. I do not want to be in the position of having to call the union. On the other hand, I also don’t want to be ordered to take on another course without overload pay. Yet I feel guilty for “narcing.” I feel fear of reprisals. I feel daunted at the prospect of sending out a call for solidarity to faculty within the college but outside our department. When one says “Support this protest or the next time it will be you,” one speaks to people who need to believe that they are safe from such things so that they can get out of bed in the morning. Today, I felt not only my own queasiness but also that of the union execs themselves, who know that this is just the first of hundreds of violations that will be visited upon the faculty as the university gets more and more desperate. And that it will be harder to muster up the courage to fight back, even though we now have the union, because we are constantly being told that programs will have to be eliminated or cut back to the bone, leaving us too scared to say anything. This is not to claim that the violations are new. Faculty and staff have just been accepting them because we are always being told how little we matter to the mission of the university, which is to make money. What’s new is the union. And what’s new, and sickening for me, is an even more stressful, depressing and frankly humiliating job situation than the one I already had.

This isn’t a fashion post. Winning the gacha would be tough. The Dura hair may be retired. (So old it adds 50,000 to your av’s rendering cost!) The bangles were a limited time gift. The skins, by Glam Affair, were also specials.
Dress, with rope, rare gacha by Pixicat
Hair, pic two, Dura
Bangles by Meva—advent gift
Shoes by Violent Seduction
Nose chain by Charm
Smile Tattoo, which is awesome, cheap from This Is Wrong
Lara body by Maitreya
Pic one: pose by Bauhaus Movement, shot near the store
Pic two: pose by Ma Vie, from the Mistress pack (with substitute whip), shot at the BDSM building at Ballz Deep, which has to be seen to be believed. Just remembered that the last time I tried to TP in, the sim had changed. So this may be yet one more casualty of the puzzling SLack of interest in SLexy times.

Jazzy at Japonica

pierobymoonlightI don’t know why it’s traditional in Japan to buy a new kimono in January each year. I do know that it’s one of my favourite personal traditions in SL. I skipped it last year because I didn’t see anything I liked, so I was thrilled to find some gorgeous kimonos by Piero at Japonica. They’re all fashioned from playfully patterned and riotously colored fabrics, and yet they don’t look garish. The patterns are overscaled, but that just makes the garments all the more charming. I chose this one because it feels like the jazz age.
I can’t even talk about my life right now. Bleh.

+PIERO+Taisho Roman kimono/navy / Maitreya (also has a non-Maitreya version in one size) [NB hands cannot exit the kimono] (at Japonica)
!1mm*** tabi/geta2016 (free at Japonica) [I took off my Maitreya Lara feet]
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
(r)M Hair No.39’16, fantasy o.7-9 pack
LODE Head Accessory, Eden Deep Red (gacha at Chapter Four)
CURELESS [+] Anemic Deers Tiara [Coal] (comes with a light blue version)
[Haste] Collared Harness White S (old gacha)
-Glam Affair – Amberly II – Polar – Red Ice G (old gg)
La Malvada Mujer – Cinema Muto #5 [lips] (n/a)
{S0NG} :: Chibi~ Abyss Eye
pose Di’s Opera, Exquisite pack (Xmas gift at previous Cosmopolitan)
location The Guardians gacha event

2017—the work begins

brightlightnewyearI too am going to say goodbye to 2016 by cursing it loudly and without hesitation. Then I’m going to prepare myself for 2017, when this country—and thus the globe—will be governed by a reckless xenophobe and misogynist. I lived through the post-election disbelief, through the mistaken assumption that I would never run into anyone who voted for the goon, through relief that my local cafe displayed regret and resolution on its chalkboard, and through mean exchanges I had in public places. But I was not outright harassed, threatened, or physically assaulted the way many others were. As a white ciss woman I’m relatively safe right now, but I remind myself that persecution begins by targeting the obvious “menaces” (read scapegoats) and snowballs until no one is safe. It didn’t take me long to realize that we had to get past grief and gird our loins for the next four years of fighting for basic rights and recognition. I say loins for a reason. One thing I encourage you to do is donate to Planned Parenthood. Yes, there are many other worthy organizations, but women’s right to abortion, and to sexual health, is being systematically eroded. This affects all of us. Don’t be lulled into complacency by the fact that Roe v. Wade won’t be eviscerated by a Supreme Court ruling. There’s blatant, loud persecution and then there’s the everyday operations of patriarchy, which, in the case of the government, works slowly and steadily to disempower women. We don’t want to impeach the next president because Mike Pence, who would become the next next president, is far worse. A Brief Reminder That Mike Pence Still Wants to Control Your Uterus.
Continue reading

On the manster wheel

worship-meIn a rope class, I topped a guy, a small quiet guy who I didn’t know, although I’d seen him around, bottoming for other women. What was I doing, topping a strange bottom?I recall him telling me two things: that he’d been in the scene for 9 months and had stumbled into it when he started dating after the end of his marriage. A day after the class, I translated this into “he’s inexperienced and vulnerable.” I ran through all the reasons I wouldn’t ask to top him again. I didn’t find him sexually attractive. Being in the scene has inspired me to follow my desire for “masculine” men. Big ones, preferably with largish personalities. Besides, I don’t want to tie men. Unless they are at least medium size, reasonably confident and playful. Unless they’re a switch and start by topping me. I would enjoy teasing someone into submitting to me. I would use words more than rope if I were topping someone I desired. I can think of dozens of deliciously cruel things to say to a man I have in my power. I need to think of dozens because I anticipate, I long for, resistance. Topping that guy in class, seeing and feeling him roll over into ropespace, offering no resistance, made me nervous. I started thinking that way. That way that I hate. I started thinking the way a heterosexual man thinks about sex with women. And, I suspect, the way het male tops think about het female bottoms. It took a session with my therapist to chase down the man-thoughts tip-toeing around in my head. I offer them here for your entertainment and edification. (The rest is hidden, so hidden, so deep deep deeply hidden, under the cut, but it’s not because the breasts are any bigger than usual. It’s because the manster wheel is obscene.) Continue reading

Hot for the holidays

homefortheholidaysShooting half-naked avs stresses me out, so I figured I’d keep this holiday post clean. I feel discouraged about shooting sexy pics because I know my audience will be limited, and I can imagine all the people out there who think nudity and eroticism are dirty. I also know that there are plenty of people who tolerate representations of heteronormative sexuality but condemn all other kinds as perversions. I’m a pervert. Although it wasn’t a goal, I’d like to think that my posts on Pleisure have “put a human face” on kinksters. This is not easy to do. I’d been seeing my therapist for two years before I began exploring BDSM. I told her about it right away—finally I had a reason to leave my house! She could have freaked out, could have tried to pathologize me and treat me, but she didn’t. One day, after we’d talked once again about the trouble I was having negotiating successfully with my partner before our scenes, she said, by way of conclusion, “It’s very human.” At first I was shocked that she had thought it might be inhuman. But then I realized that I hadn’t expected the humanness either, hadn’t understood that I would be entering into ordinary frustrating and/or fun relationships with ordinary people. In my ignorance about BDSM, I had imagined that a bad person and a good person go into a room and have a harrowing experience without sharing anything else. That’s what I get for reading all that D/s kidnap erotica! (Which I am not throwing out. Or lending to you.)
bunnbunsThat adorable heart-shaped butt comes from the bunny outfit, which is an old group gift you can still pick up at COCO. It predates mesh avs, but I managed to get it to work with my Lara. If I hadn’t stumbled across this outfit I would not have been inspired to blog for Xmas this far in advance. The end of the year always makes me sentimental, so I decided that for this post I would try out one of the many skins I didn’t have time to blog when Sopha Portal was doing MUDSKIN. Unfortunately, she shut down her shop and didn’t come back as promised. Check your inventory and see if you’ve got some of her skins stashed away. Or check Marketplace where you can buy gachas on resale. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, no matter which one you are celebrating.

*COCO*_ChristmasBunny_ group gift (no fee to join)
MUDSKIN/My Ugly Dorothy, MIDO Lelutka applier (not available)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Katatonik, arm tattoo, an old Oz Easter gift, not available
tram, F623 hair(L) / bluegray group gift (no fee to join)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Pic 1: Opulence Poses, Sweet Tooth [comes with candy canes to hold] (at Second Level)
Pic 2: OOO Studio, Allegory pack (probably not available)
shot at December will be Magic Again and a private location near Frisenland (yah, I trespass when I find good interior design)
Windlight: Tricolour Sky by Annan Adored, tweaked by me