I topped someone, kinda

tearing-up-saturated I topped for the first time at today’s rope class. It was about untying with intent, which was good, because I can do that. It’s a simple fact that I have no talent for knots and frictions and patterns and physics and maintaining tension while working with knots and frictions etc. But invite me to maintain tension while undoing knots and frictions, while unfixing patterns, while forgetting physics, and I can handle rope like someone who knows what she’s doing. Doing to her bottom, that is. Turns out my instinct is to handle a bottom the way I want to be handled. With body manipulation as well as rope weaving. With slow sensuous movements, then efficient ones, then disconcerting pauses in the action. I didn’t know the man I topped, so I didn’t go too far. He was a very responsive bottom, experienced enough to be relaxed and trusting (even though I was clumsy). I now have a better idea how good it must feel to play with me, because I also respond readily to my top’s moves. (Yes, I said something positive about myself.) (There’s a wee bit of naughty on the flip side of the cut—the flip side of my model’s butt.) Continue reading

Rope’s end

ihazasadcensoredFull frontal nudity under the cut and the latest events leading to a ropeless future. Continue reading

Don’t wanna be a cowboy

donwannabeacowboySometimes I like to challenge myself, and the powers that be, by dressing my av in brown and giving her ponygirl dreams.

Credits
*PROMAGIC* Yodha – Bra – Brown (gacha at Kinky Monthly)
*PROMAGIC* Yodha – Panties – Brown (gacha at Kinky Monthly)
Kibitz – Dali’s leather torso straps [XS] brown – RARE (past gacha)
#EMPIRE – Ipomoea – Maitreya (fatpack only)
[e] Kabrina hair
Messiah : Qavah / Unisex / DBrown mask
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
INYB, Lexi project tattoo (not available)
*Bolson / Face Tattoo – Fang (Fresh) (C) (no idea where this came from)
#adored – kit lashes
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Dark Green Eye
-Glam Affair – Sia India – 04 C
poses: Ama & Nais – Cuffed pack (past Romp)
shot at: PFS Stables & Nico’s Haunted Dungeon

A ring around my neck

The text and pics in this BDSM post are not safe for work. The pics may be upsetting to some people. The asphyxiation play they evoke is very dangerous. If you want to do this kind of play with your partner(s), take the time to become a part of the local kink community, and find a mentor who is recognized widely as safe and experienced. Bottoms /subs/slaves, you can read more about keeping yourself safer— not one hundred per cent safe—in the post.  Continue reading

Constantly tested

preparedI’ve been gone for a while. I kept wondering if I was coming back. I’m not sure that I am back. I had two Hallowe’en outfits to blog, but life got in the way, and then I felt no interest in SL. Truth be told this has partly to do with the fact that I now need to use a mouse with my laptop and don’t want to sit at a desk to recreate after sitting at a desk to work. Continue reading

The rare obligation

cagedbirddsontsingharper I’ve had some rope adventures in recent weeks, and maybe I haven’t posted because I was waiting for a scene to shake me hard enough to make it worth relating. I did have to go through a period of mourning after the extremely attractive man who lives in a foreign city ghosted on me. (See Express Yourself for my post about meeting him.) When we met we had talked about me going back to see him. But when I suggested online that we could ponder this possibility, he told me he needed to acquire more experience and education before we could tie again. I exhorted him very cutely to practice on me, but he didn’t reply. (Why venture under the cut? You’ll just be freaked out by sexy stuff. I wasn’t going to publish this post, but Flickr marked my account as unsafe. So let’s try to live up to that. A little.) Continue reading

Zibska at 10

zib-at-10 I’m certain it didn’t take 10 years for Zib Scaggs to become the irresistibly talented and original creator and photographer we know today. It won’t take you more than 10 minutes to snag the 10 rez-day gifts she’s set out at Zibska. Just mouse over the mini-flocks of birds that dot the shop. Some of them will sing, so to speak. But only until the 26th.

See the colour version of this photo on the Pleisure Flickr

Credits
Zibska gifts, all colour change:
Frodi eyeshadow (for mesh heads and classic avatars)
Verend hat
Arin gloves
(epia) – Kink Collar (black)
.Shi Hair : Blown {Set 1 . BBlack}
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
[ MUDSKIN ]_Jang_Makeup1_Sunny
*Milk* Odd Beauty Freckles.
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
la petite morte, Editorial pose pack (kinda olde)

Express yourself

scarlettebutt After the wretched experience with the asshole rigger—who still hasn’t apologized for actively neglecting to affirm my performance when I bottomed for his class—I was feeling miserable. This is a wound that has been opening up every other day, surprising and devastating me every time. I can’t seem to inure myself against it. I haven’t confronted the asshole because he asked for time and space. Both have been expanding at a rate that Dr. Who would find alarming. I haven’t confronted him because I know that he will never play with me again if I require him to deal with his incapacity for generosity. I’m a desperate idiot, trying to keep that possibility of play open because I believe that no one else could want me. Meanwhile, it’s his behaviour that has left me feeling that way, like a lousy bottom who doesn’t deserve appreciation. Over Labour Day weekend, I managed to distract myself by devoting ten hours to K. Kieslowski’s excellent Dekalog. I traveled for business soon after. In a strange town, the universe smiled on me, sending me a rigger who is capable of showing respect and appreciation. Like the asshole, this rigger is a devotee of Yukimura ryu, but he has studied more extensively in Japan. He is considered to be one of the top riggers in his community. He determined from my FetLife profile that we share a love for Yukimura ryu and that we would be at the same event—and he contacted me to ask if I’d like to tie. He contacted me! He clearly enjoyed sceneing with me, was attentive and playful during the rest of the evening, and took me out for coffee the next day. Instead of saying, as the asshole did, “all a bottom has to do is be vulnerable,” he said “the way you express yourself in rope is awesome.” scarletteeyes

Credits
NEW DE Designs – Scarlette Corset – Maitreya – Vintage 3 [with colour change laces] (at We <3 Roleplay)
NEW *LODE* Head Accessory – Grapes and Roses [merlot grape roses] (Chapter Four gacha)
NEW Asteria, Scratches [Omega] Blood and Burn versions in pics one and two respectively (was at Fetish Fair, not sure if it's still on)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5Kin-Cricket-[Black] hair
-Glam Affair – Eles Asia 04 NB
fri. – Kendall.Platforms (Pewter) – Maitreya
S&P [Salt & Pepper] Avery cuffs
(r)M ~ Posture Collar ~ No.07 (Size M) (an oldie but a goodie, so well made)
cage: Dutchie/Rustica, La Signora Della Pazienza
shot at Ethereal City [join the group for access to group areas]

Did I just play with an asshole?

havingflownout My last post told the story of my afternoon as a demo bottom for a rope class. I ended the post on a high note, knowing that I would have to write another post to talk about the lousy aftermath. As soon as we’d finished class, I told my top how much I’d enjoyed it and how impressed I was that he was a careful teacher. He said nothing positive in return. He said nothing during aftercare. He said nothing when we parted, not even thank you. I was in a very good mood, and I told myself that I wasn’t going to let his being an ungenerous idiot ruin my experience. How did I know he was an ungenerous idiot? I knew because he had said something immediately after class, something I asked him to repeat because I couldn’t believe how rude it was. “You did everything right,” he said, “but what you did is really hard to fuck up.” While we were stretched out together for aftercare he stated “All a bottom has to do is be vulnerable.” I was aghast. He might as well have said that all a woman has to do is close her eyes and think of England. I pushed back calmly, saying that this sounded like typical top rhetoric about (inevitably male) riggers having “hard skills” and (inevitably female) rope bunnies having “soft skills.” He did not recant. Nor did he elaborate. Tops are assholes, I thought to myself as I went home. Why did I think he would be different?
garejacksboroallume I didn’t have to suffer drop the next day to find myself in a funk. When he checked in by text to ask me how I was doing, I replied: “Confused why you followed our class by insisting that bottoms do nothing other than be vulnerable. Nonplussed is the word.” He replied that he was sorry if he caused offense, but he’d stated that in response to a concern I’d shared about our experience in a private class at Shibaricon, which was the first time we tied. I thought I’d fucked up the last move in the sequence we did. He texted that when he said bottoms only have to be vulnerable he was backing up his supposedly reassuring explanation that it’s always the top’s fault if anything goes wrong. This response did not inspire me to communicate further. I went to bed feeling numb, with nothing to say, partly because my experience has been that men don’t want to talk things out. Not with women who don’t matter. How could I matter? I’m just a bottom. Continue reading