Undeserving

nopenopenope Vulpinetta wrestles in a kinky circus called erm…. Hmmmm. I’m not good with fiction. Let’s start again, getting straight to my account of a difficult scene. It’s not safe for work. Continue reading

Leather and leash

built to last I’ve been aching to wear one of UC’s impressive creations, so I snapped up this classic leather bondage dress when I saw it at Cosmopolitan. Today’s post is actually a public service: the vendor image doesn’t display the range of ways one can wear this item, so I am doing my bit to raise awareness of the options. You can add fur sleeves to transition in an instant from fall to winter or from a cosy bedroom to a damp dungeon. You can also switch from lady to lout—drop the skirt and you’re left with a many-belted jacket. Finally, you can earn a moderate rating on Flickr by stripping out the panels that oh so cruelly imprison your avi’s beautiful breasts. (What comes next is NSFW.) Continue reading

In the hanging garden

all mod cons bwHe called to cancel our date on Friday afternoon. His father is seriously ill. He wouldn’t see him till Sunday. He couldn’t think about anything else. I cried on public transportation for 75 minutes. If it had been a crowded rush-hour train all the bodies would have afforded me some privacy. (One very nice man did give me a napkin and encouraged me to open it to get the most out of it.) In texts, I tried to suggest alternatives to the elaborate rope scene my top and I had been planning. I was selfish, but… I don’t know him very well. It’s possible a little light bondage is the perfect thing to relieve his stress. Tops are said to lack control in their lives and enjoy controlling the bottom’s body; for rope tops this extends to the intense focus of the tying. (Bottoms are said to seek relief from obligations to act. [Obligations to act might be called “power” if most bottoms were men.] My career as a professor saddles me with more responsibility and authority than I want. And yet I’ve never been in a scene that freed me from making decisions. The possibility of nerve damage keeps me alert.) (There’s RL lingerie and, yes, some tasteful avatar nudity after the dreaded cut.) Continue reading

If humiliation spoke

dangerousnerves In today’s post I try to put into words the feelings I experienced in a D/s scene of erotic humiliation. Writing this post was not easy because it’s partly about life with my father, who was a jerk. You are going to be reading an abridged version of a longer piece I couldn’t finish because I couldn’t resolve my thoughts about him. As I intimated in my August 4th post, I am following Freud’s dictum that adult neurosis—of the kind that makes for ordinary misery—can be traced back to childhood experiences. (That is, it’s normal to be unable to resolve one’s thoughts about one’s parents.) If this doesn’t sound like your type of read, resist the compulsion to click.   Continue reading

Crises at midlife and midnight

cracklingIs there a difference between my sudden embrace of kink and anyone else’s midlife crisis? I don’t believe so. I can’t be the only person to regret time lost or wasted, to claw my way out of a moribund state, of years-long depression and more than a decade fearing sex. Over the past year I have become capable not only of “extreme” and “perverse” acts and emotions but of acts and emotions PERIOD. I have rediscovered sociability, friendship and intimate relationships. I leave my house at night to spend time with people. (Weeks of tracking my insomnia show me that I sleep best when I come home from an outing and go straight to bed.) I have the peace of mind and confidence to reconnect with professional peers and my mother. I even started shopping again. Now that I am buying lingerie, sex toys and rope for my dungeon nights, a pair of completely unnecessary brightly striped loafers might seem like a comparatively conservative and practical addition to my wardrobe. (Reader, I purchased them.) Continue reading

(Sw)itch it up

notkidding Now in my fifth week of insomnia, I am attempting to trick myself into exhaustion by blogging. Unable to get to sleep some nights until 4AM, but also unable to do anything else, I am being reprogrammed into the world’s least productive “night person.” I am also being transformed into an enraged matron because some nights the hemorrhoids get in on the vampirification protocol, itching like a million mosquito bites at a hen party. (Prefer undersharing and a nip slip? Venture below the cut.) Continue reading

Green, I am envious

hungup I Flickr follow a number of talented SL photographers who favour BDSM themes. I am envious because I can’t figure out where they source their bondage outfits and props. For years Prairie Kawashima has unknowingly taunted me with her androgynous naked Asian av, who poses modestly in perfectly snug delicate rope harnesses. Driscol Byron’s subs, Laura, a Surprise Package in the Kink Department, Sacha Audeburgh, Ash and Laura Demonista appear latexed and leathered, wrapped and strapped, and bound and gagged to within an inch of their corsets. But with the exception of the gifted Surprise Package, who has begun to blog, none of them names her sources. This leaves me searching for kinky gear on the Marketplace, where I was finally rewarded for my submissive patience (or obstinacy) when I found some affordable fetish wear from DRBC. Continue reading

Oblivion is all you crave

can'tsleep Portia can’t understand why she isn’t able to fall asleep. Me either. Continue reading

Waiting so long (I’ve been)

beenalongtime Quitterie is the latest lacy lingerie from Yukachoco Magic for Chocolate Atelier. It’s available at On9 in black, red, white and green, worn here. There are system layers and appliers for bodies by Maitreya, shown here, Slink, TMP and Wowmeh. I was curious about the origin of the name and discovered that Quitterie is both a rabbit-headed manga character and an obscure virgin martyr. The French female name Quitterie means “quiet.” That’s perfect for poor muzzled Portia, who awaits the return of her master, not because she longs to be freed but because she is impatient to be punished and petted. Continue reading