Crises at midlife and midnight

cracklingIs there a difference between my sudden embrace of kink and anyone else’s midlife crisis? I don’t believe so. I can’t be the only person to regret time lost or wasted, to claw my way out of a moribund state, of years-long depression and more than a decade fearing sex. Over the past year I have become capable not only of “extreme” and “perverse” acts and emotions but of acts and emotions PERIOD. I have rediscovered sociability, friendship and intimate relationships. I leave my house at night to spend time with people. (Weeks of tracking my insomnia show me that I sleep best when I come home from an outing and go straight to bed.) I have the peace of mind and confidence to reconnect with professional peers and my mother. I even started shopping again. Now that I am buying lingerie, sex toys and rope for my dungeon nights, a pair of completely unnecessary brightly striped loafers might seem like a comparatively conservative and practical addition to my wardrobe. (Reader, I purchased them.) Continue reading

(Sw)itch it up

notkidding Now in my fifth week of insomnia, I am attempting to trick myself into exhaustion by blogging. Unable to get to sleep some nights until 4AM, but also unable to do anything else, I am being reprogrammed into the world’s least productive “night person.” I am also being transformed into an enraged matron because some nights the hemorrhoids get in on the vampirification protocol, itching like a million mosquito bites at a hen party. (Prefer undersharing and a nip slip? Venture below the cut.) Continue reading

Green, I am envious

hungup I Flickr follow a number of talented SL photographers who favour BDSM themes. I am envious because I can’t figure out where they source their bondage outfits and props. For years Prairie Kawashima has unknowingly taunted me with her androgynous naked Asian av, who poses modestly in perfectly snug delicate rope harnesses. Driscol Byron’s subs, Laura, a Surprise Package in the Kink Department, Sacha Audeburgh, Ash and Laura Demonista appear latexed and leathered, wrapped and strapped, and bound and gagged to within an inch of their corsets. But with the exception of the gifted Surprise Package, who has begun to blog, none of them names her sources. This leaves me searching for kinky gear on the Marketplace, where I was finally rewarded for my submissive patience (or obstinacy) when I found some affordable fetish wear from DRBC. Continue reading

Oblivion is all you crave

can'tsleep Portia can’t understand why she isn’t able to fall asleep. Me either. Continue reading

Waiting so long (I’ve been)

beenalongtime Quitterie is the latest lacy lingerie from Yukachoco Magic for Chocolate Atelier. It’s available at On9 in black, red, white and green, worn here. There are system layers and appliers for bodies by Maitreya, shown here, Slink, TMP and Wowmeh. I was curious about the origin of the name and discovered that Quitterie is both a rabbit-headed manga character and an obscure virgin martyr. The French female name Quitterie means “quiet.” That’s perfect for poor muzzled Portia, who awaits the return of her master, not because she longs to be freed but because she is impatient to be punished and petted. Continue reading

It happened

restful moment This is one of those posts that’s hiding the very very naughty bits under the cut. It’s also hiding the latest accessories from Zib Scaggs for Zibska. Not to mention an account of what I mean by “it” when I say “it happened.” Continue reading

How goes the metaphorical war?

rail at all his servants These days it’s tough to tell the difference between SL’s warrior women and masochists, both of whom wear bits of metal on their breasts and look exhausted but satisfied après guerre. Add a pair of goggles and you can throw space maidens into the mix, as you will see under the cut. Please be advised that you’ll see more than goggles, so this is NSFW. (Let’s put it this way: in the beginning there were pants, but as the shoot progressed I saw that they were bad.) Continue reading

Making a scene

plotting It’s only just recently that I’ve realized that I can get to know people first, perhaps over a period of many months, before playing with them. And that the people I have known for a while might be good play partners. It’s tough, nevertheless, to see a friend who started in the scene a few months after I did (in August 2014) already have a dom with whom she plays regularly and with abandon. The only taste of submission I’ve had came just last week with a man I’ve been gladdened and maddened by for six months. Before it happened, we had another one of our tussles over intimacy (in which I cry and soak his shirt because getting angry is too risky, and he holds me and broods until he admits to some kind of performance anxiety.) I was close to angry this time, close enough to change out of my sexy outfit, which I’d had on for a matter of minutes, don my street clothes and flats, pack my bag and put on my coat. (I’d waited so long to wear my black suede Mary Janes with their 4.5 inch heel. I was crushed.) We both sat in our coats in an empty playroom while we stewed in our own juices. Once we were cooked through, we moved to a room where people were scening. That was too much for frustrated me to ignore, so finally I said “I want to sit at your feet and put my head in your lap,” and he assented. As he stroked my hair I turned into a pussycat enjoying a nice spot of sun after a thorough grooming and a good meal.
mistress commands Later, when I was back to my usual self, he described the submissive me as demure, and I wanted to argue about his adjective. But then he said he felt intense affection for me while he was stroking my hair, and I decided that I’d give him a pass…this time. In the hope, of course, that there will be a next and I will get to wear a collar and leash while I sit between his legs. There’s nothing too demanding in this scenario for either of us, which is probably the best way to play it right now. I cannot afford to sit and wait for the arrival of the lightning-bolt dom who will make me his slave. Meanwhile, I have time enough to wait for my relationship with my friend to grow into something more intense.

Credits
h.m.a.e.m. – The small faces necklace – two (NEW; comes in five variations on the faces; ty Riri! glad to have you back!)
Dead Dollz, Malice Poudre (only the blouse): on sale prior to retirement, comes with a black pencil skirt
Zaara, Trishna Leggings (these are old but wonderfully spring-like)
MONS / MESH – Septum Ring (style22) bronze (at TDRF)
MONS / MESH – Septum Ring (style23) [L and R nostrils] – bronze (at TDRF)
REIGN.- POINTED TOE BOOTS-(SLINK) BLACK
Essences [Storm TDRFusion03] pale02 *brunette* (at TDRF)
[KOOQLA] Nico – beauty marks tattoo
MIA14 … BEAUTY MARKS 1 Face Only
-Glam Affair – Gloss 04
.Birdy. Simple eyeliner
[monso] My Hair – Yong/ Black Brown
Clemmm, Damaged Hands *Bruises and grit* 1
Slink Avatar Enhancement Hands – Casual – Small
pose one: flowey (with a prop whip from Zibska’s Cynthia dress)
pose two: Ma Vie, Mistress
location: Hollowtree

Bad scene

strungouting I found someone to scene with (as the kinky say), and it went wrong, albeit not horribly or irreparably. You will find my story under the cut. If you don’t click onward, do take a moment to note that the Femdom V hunt is running a little while longer. I am still ambivalent about SLatex, but I was pleased to see how cute infernal Anorak looks in this coral-red number from Say Nothing. Continue reading