On the manster wheel

worship-meIn a rope class, I topped a guy, a small quiet guy who I didn’t know, although I’d seen him around, bottoming for other women. What was I doing, topping a strange bottom?I recall him telling me two things: that he’d been in the scene for 9 months and had stumbled into it when he started dating after the end of his marriage. A day after the class, I translated this into “he’s inexperienced and vulnerable.” I ran through all the reasons I wouldn’t ask to top him again. I didn’t find him sexually attractive. Being in the scene has inspired me to follow my desire for “masculine” men. Big ones, preferably with largish personalities. Besides, I don’t want to tie men. Unless they are at least medium size, reasonably confident and playful. Unless they’re a switch and start by topping me. I would enjoy teasing someone into submitting to me. I would use words more than rope if I were topping someone I desired. I can think of dozens of deliciously cruel things to say to a man I have in my power. I need to think of dozens because I anticipate, I long for, resistance. Topping that guy in class, seeing and feeling him roll over into ropespace, offering no resistance, made me nervous. I started thinking that way. That way that I hate. I started thinking the way a heterosexual man thinks about sex with women. And, I suspect, the way het male tops think about het female bottoms. It took a session with my therapist to chase down the man-thoughts tip-toeing around in my head. I offer them here for your entertainment and edification. (The rest is hidden, so hidden, so deep deep deeply hidden, under the cut, but it’s not because the breasts are any bigger than usual. It’s because the manster wheel is obscene.) Continue reading

Hot for the holidays

homefortheholidaysShooting half-naked avs stresses me out, so I figured I’d keep this holiday post clean. I feel discouraged about shooting sexy pics because I know my audience will be limited, and I can imagine all the people out there who think nudity and eroticism are dirty. I also know that there are plenty of people who tolerate representations of heteronormative sexuality but condemn all other kinds as perversions. I’m a pervert. Although it wasn’t a goal, I’d like to think that my posts on Pleisure have “put a human face” on kinksters. This is not easy to do. I’d been seeing my therapist for two years before I began exploring BDSM. I told her about it right away—finally I had a reason to leave my house! She could have freaked out, could have tried to pathologize me and treat me, but she didn’t. One day, after we’d talked once again about the trouble I was having negotiating successfully with my partner before our scenes, she said, by way of conclusion, “It’s very human.” At first I was shocked that she had thought it might be inhuman. But then I realized that I hadn’t expected the humanness either, hadn’t understood that I would be entering into ordinary frustrating and/or fun relationships with ordinary people. In my ignorance about BDSM, I had imagined that a bad person and a good person go into a room and have a harrowing experience without sharing anything else. That’s what I get for reading all that D/s kidnap erotica! (Which I am not throwing out. Or lending to you.)
bunnbunsThat adorable heart-shaped butt comes from the bunny outfit, which is an old group gift you can still pick up at COCO. It predates mesh avs, but I managed to get it to work with my Lara. If I hadn’t stumbled across this outfit I would not have been inspired to blog for Xmas this far in advance. The end of the year always makes me sentimental, so I decided that for this post I would try out one of the many skins I didn’t have time to blog when Sopha Portal was doing MUDSKIN. Unfortunately, she shut down her shop and didn’t come back as promised. Check your inventory and see if you’ve got some of her skins stashed away. Or check Marketplace where you can buy gachas on resale. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, no matter which one you are celebrating.

Credits
*COCO*_ChristmasBunny_ group gift (no fee to join)
MUDSKIN/My Ugly Dorothy, MIDO Lelutka applier (not available)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Katatonik, arm tattoo, an old Oz Easter gift, not available
tram, F623 hair(L) / bluegray group gift (no fee to join)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Pic 1: Opulence Poses, Sweet Tooth [comes with candy canes to hold] (at Second Level)
Pic 2: OOO Studio, Allegory pack (probably not available)
shot at December will be Magic Again and a private location near Frisenland (yah, I trespass when I find good interior design)
Windlight: Tricolour Sky by Annan Adored, tweaked by me

A ring around my neck

The text and pics in this BDSM post are not safe for work. The pics may be upsetting to some people. The asphyxiation play they evoke is very dangerous. If you want to do this kind of play with your partner(s), take the time to become a part of the local kink community, and find a mentor who is recognized widely as safe and experienced. Bottoms /subs/slaves, you can read more about keeping yourself safer— not one hundred per cent safe—in the post.  Continue reading

Till you come

creepingdawn A couple I met at Shibaricon moved to my town. Suddenly I have two people, both of them tops, to tie with. I’ve played twice with the male half. He describes his topping style as murderous. That’s definitely the right word. Playing with someone rough has helped me to realize that my relationship with my first, oh-so-gentle top was quite romantic. On my way home the first night I played with the new man, I was overwhelmed with vivid sense memories of playing with my top. I remembered the pleasure I took in his company. I especially enjoyed the cute way he smiled and said “uh huh” any time I told him I was going to kill him when I got out of the rope. He was dear to me.  I wish he hadn’t changed that.
learning patience This colour-change bondage set by Phedora looks lovely. But when I first put on the straps locking the wrist cuffs to the thigh cuffs, they were nowhere near where they should be. Editing the set was a fiddly, frustrating business, and I had to default to my curvy av, rather than the skinny model I wanted to shoot, in order to expedite the process. Although someone told me that hers worked out of the box, the product includes a notecard from the creator stating that it requires editing skills. This warning should have been on the vendor. Or the product should not have been released. Or the straps should have been scrapped.

The best pic from this shoot is on the Pleisure Flickr.

Credits
PHEDORA. Isidora set Maitreya Lara v.2 (was at Romp)
(r)M Hair No.39’16 fantasy (0.7-9) HUD
#14 Blueberry – Energy – Boots – Maitreya *Sky* (gacha)
[CX] aka [CerberusXing], Melted Hearts tattoo (red ass optional) (at Uber)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Glam Affair – Sia skin ( Fairy Tales ) – Jamaica 08 A
shot at Japan BDSM

BDSM isn’t sex, but it is

thisistheendTwo posts ago I wrote about being dumped by my top. I said I would try to write about the problem of sexual reciprocity. Follow me under the cut.  Continue reading

Undeserving

nopenopenope Vulpinetta wrestles in a kinky circus called erm…. Hmmmm. I’m not good with fiction. Let’s start again, getting straight to my account of a difficult scene. It’s not safe for work. Continue reading

Leather and leash

built to last I’ve been aching to wear one of UC’s impressive creations, so I snapped up this classic leather bondage dress when I saw it at Cosmopolitan. Today’s post is actually a public service: the vendor image doesn’t display the range of ways one can wear this item, so I am doing my bit to raise awareness of the options. You can add fur sleeves to transition in an instant from fall to winter or from a cosy bedroom to a damp dungeon. You can also switch from lady to lout—drop the skirt and you’re left with a many-belted jacket. Finally, you can earn a moderate rating on Flickr by stripping out the panels that oh so cruelly imprison your avi’s beautiful breasts. (What comes next is NSFW.) Continue reading

In the hanging garden

all mod cons bwHe called to cancel our date on Friday afternoon. His father is seriously ill. He wouldn’t see him till Sunday. He couldn’t think about anything else. I cried on public transportation for 75 minutes. If it had been a crowded rush-hour train all the bodies would have afforded me some privacy. (One very nice man did give me a napkin and encouraged me to open it to get the most out of it.) In texts, I tried to suggest alternatives to the elaborate rope scene my top and I had been planning. I was selfish, but… I don’t know him very well. It’s possible a little light bondage is the perfect thing to relieve his stress. Tops are said to lack control in their lives and enjoy controlling the bottom’s body; for rope tops this extends to the intense focus of the tying. (Bottoms are said to seek relief from obligations to act. [Obligations to act might be called “power” if most bottoms were men.] My career as a professor saddles me with more responsibility and authority than I want. And yet I’ve never been in a scene that freed me from making decisions. The possibility of nerve damage keeps me alert.) (There’s RL lingerie and, yes, some tasteful avatar nudity after the dreaded cut.) Continue reading

If humiliation spoke

dangerousnerves In today’s post I try to put into words the feelings I experienced in a D/s scene of erotic humiliation. Writing this post was not easy because it’s partly about life with my father, who was a jerk. You are going to be reading an abridged version of a longer piece I couldn’t finish because I couldn’t resolve my thoughts about him. As I intimated in my August 4th post, I am following Freud’s dictum that adult neurosis—of the kind that makes for ordinary misery—can be traced back to childhood experiences. (That is, it’s normal to be unable to resolve one’s thoughts about one’s parents.) If this doesn’t sound like your type of read, resist the compulsion to click.   Continue reading