Did I just play with an asshole?

havingflownout My last post told the story of my afternoon as a demo bottom for a rope class. I ended the post on a high note, knowing that I would have to write another post to talk about the lousy aftermath. As soon as we’d finished class, I told my top how much I’d enjoyed it and how impressed I was that he was a careful teacher. He said nothing positive in return. He said nothing during aftercare. He said nothing when we parted, not even thank you. I was in a very good mood, and I told myself that I wasn’t going to let his being an ungenerous idiot ruin my experience. How did I know he was an ungenerous idiot? I knew because he had said something immediately after class, something I asked him to repeat because I couldn’t believe how rude it was. “You did everything right,” he said, “but what you did is really hard to fuck up.” While we were stretched out together for aftercare he stated “All a bottom has to do is be vulnerable.” I was aghast. He might as well have said that all a woman has to do is close her eyes and think of England. I pushed back calmly, saying that this sounded like typical top rhetoric about (inevitably male) riggers having “hard skills” and (inevitably female) rope bunnies having “soft skills.” He did not recant. Nor did he elaborate. Tops are assholes, I thought to myself as I went home. Why did I think he would be different?
garejacksboroallume I didn’t have to suffer drop the next day to find myself in a funk. When he checked in by text to ask me how I was doing, I replied: “Confused why you followed our class by insisting that bottoms do nothing other than be vulnerable. Nonplussed is the word.” He replied that he was sorry if he caused offense, but he’d stated that in response to a concern I’d shared about our experience in a private class at Shibaricon, which was the first time we tied. I thought I’d fucked up the last move in the sequence we did. He texted that when he said bottoms only have to be vulnerable he was backing up his supposedly reassuring explanation that it’s always the top’s fault if anything goes wrong. This response did not inspire me to communicate further. I went to bed feeling numb, with nothing to say, partly because my experience has been that men don’t want to talk things out. Not with women who don’t matter. How could I matter? I’m just a bottom. Continue reading

Fake your own magical girl

crystalmagicgirl If you like Japanese types and characters, this is your moment to make or fake your own out of SL’s embarrassment of Japanosities. I’d love to show you tomoto’s paint-splashed kimonos from Japonica and konpeitou’s sinister gacha items from the Origami market, but thus far I’ve managed only to assemble a look from The Crystal Heart Festival. The Festival celebrates the magical girl (mahou shoujo), about whom I know nothing that Wikipedia didn’t tell me. The Festival is full of schoolgirl uniforms and variations on the same two hairdos, and yet this doesn’t diminish its charm. I was thrilled to finally find a reason to buy a hairdo from LCKY, which features three colourable parts, in a delightful signature palette devoted wholly to rose tones—not reds. Once I figured out that the SallieLanguage gacha was selling pose-packed accessories and stands, I got so giddy about joining the wand and stars club that I altered my teen av Anorak’s mouth so that she smiles…slightly. Not knowing what the fuck I was doing with all this pretty paraphernalia meant I could detour my magical girl into cyber-kink territory with r2 A/D/E’s new Seika dress, available at Collabor88, and a leash from Delicious.
savethenvironmentmakemagicUltimately, there’s something un-cotton-candyish about today’s first pic, which left me feeling that neither I nor my av knows how to have fun. That’s when I decided to go to Foxville, where I surmised that magical girls are known for leaving their cars at home.

Credits
r2 A/D/E seika[gold1]Maitreya includes panties (at Collabor88)
[LCKY] Genie Roses pack (at Crystal Heart Festival)
SallieLanguage/Crystal Heart/Wand with pose HUD (gacha at Crystal Heart Festival, but bought on Marketplace because that’s my magic)
SallieLanguage/Crystal Heart/Star pose stand (gacha at Crystal Heart Festival, bought on Marketplace)
*katat0nik* Bow Wrist Strap Darks pack
..::DeliciouS::.. Doggy Dog Leash Gold (Female)
-Glam Affair – Elvi – America – 02 A (past gacha)
NOX. Metallic Freckles GIFT [Cheek / Rainbow] (past gift)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Dark Green Eye
pic two shot at Foxville

I, embodied

boosterI went to my first-ever yoga class about six weeks ago. Okay, I went to one when I was 20-something: turning red in the face, sweating, and failing to breathe inclined me to think I was not cut out for yoga. Being instructed to feel at one with the earth almost drove me out of the room: it was the late 80s, so I was a hard-core deconstructionist, meaning that anything remotely spiritual—or just plain connection-oriented—was suspect. (Everything was opiate of the masses. I’ve softened over time. Now I would say it’s weed of the many.) Twenty-five years later, I decided to try again because I want to be a more flexible and physically stronger rope bottom. On the first day, I felt completely at home because rope classes have accustomed me to sitting on the floor wearing a pair of leggings and a singlet—and wondering if I should stretch before the lesson. I debated whether I could apply to yoga the same reasoning I bring to sadomasochistic rope—there’s no sense in stretching if it’s supposed to hurt. (There’s hurt and there’s hurt. Eustress good. Distress bad.) (Speaking of, there’s nothing dangerous under the cut.) Continue reading

Devolution of an image

what? “Why not break out of the bondage mould?” I thought to myself. Instead of heading to the dungeon in the three-piece Risa ensemble by Violent Seduction, I would create a fun, colourful character. Whom I promptly photographed in a serious environment—the lovely .anc. staircase with its lone window, where ethereal avs go to look otherworldly. It’s a rare gacha and takes pride of place on many an upscale sim. This one is It All Starts with a Smile. [We get kinky sexy under the cut.] Continue reading

BDSM isn’t sex, but it is

thisistheendTwo posts ago I wrote about being dumped by my top. I said I would try to write about the problem of sexual reciprocity. Follow me under the cut.  Continue reading

Well suited

frugging No, Anorak is not doing the frug. She’s skating, thanks to the magic of Alyx Aerallo’s Street Skater poses for Grafica. She’s wearing an adorable new leisure ensemble from R2 A/D/E for Collabor88. This month you can choose from three, rather than two, ways of flashing, or not flashing, or kindof flashing, your av’s nipples. There’s also a choice of shorts, transparent or opaque. Don’t think I’ve let you down by covering everything up… Continue reading

Kasumi at Collabor88

spacedivasmAll you really need to know is that the metallic bra and u-string set is sold separately from the playsuit. That means you can combine colours—pink and gold or blue or black instead of pink and pink. It also means that your avi can wear the armored unmentionables without the vinyl suit. Most importantly, it means that your avi may be able to defeat an evil empire with peekaboo play, baring her breasts and bits like a latter-day Baubo.
rebel

Credits
NEW r2 A/D/E kasumi top[gold]Maitreya and r2 A/D/E kasumi under[gold]Maitreya: bra and panties sold together (at Collabor88)
NEW r2 A/D/E kasumi[pink2]Maitreya dress r2 A/D/E uruo heels[gold] (these only work with Slink feet)
Slink, Female Feet (AvEnhance) XXS – High
little bones. Hexxed (L) (gift)
NEW **RE** Bad-Kitty Cuff – Common – Brown (Epiphany gacha)
MONS / Giftmas Day 12 (bindi) (n/a)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
-Glam Affair – Sasha skin – India 02 A (past gacha)
Inhale, Inspire tattoo unisex (group gift)
[RUBY] – DOOMED PRINCESS BLOOD ROSES FACE TATTOO
NEW [theSkinnery] Sona eyes – 8 (at Chapter Four April)
pose one: Nantra, Requiem pack [gun not included]
pose two: Del May, Mime Box (n/a)
shot on the Doomed Ship

Sway in the swarm

ushas wings Suspended awkwardly from her thighs and ankles, Portia is thrilled when licorice allsorts take to swarming around her body, until she realizes that she’s already got something in her mouth. Portia wears Zibska’s Usha, which comprises a headpiece and pieces for the upper and lower arms and hands. They can be copied, so there’s no reason not to bury your avi in baby blocks. The HUD allows you to change the colour of two separate batches of black-striped blocks and to blow them up or shrink them down.
twisting Surrealia Anatine of Stockholm & Lima has just released the RLV compatible Nightingale Cage at ROMP. There are perch, bondage and shibari options. (And probably sex. Sex shmex.) The shibari poses are animated (with a pleasing variety of head positions) so you can watch your bunny swing vigorously until she tosses her licorice allsorts. (Or use the slow motion option in the Developer menu of Firestorm.) There are fewer bars in the cage, and they disappear for some of the perch poses. This affords you the new thrill of snapping a picture of every inch of your imprisoned av, as opposed to the nipple or nose you can glimpse between the bars. As with previous Stockholm & Lima props, the dressing process, though streamlined in permission requests, is involved, and if you crash you have to start again. The leg straps are still too big, even though Portia is not a barely-thighed beauty, so I hope that there will be a resize option in the future.

Credits
Zibska, Usha (at We <3 Roleplay; ty Zib!)
[theSkinnery] Sona eyes (at Chapter Four)
-Glam Affair – Sasha skin – India 02 NB
.random.Matter. – Misery Brows
~Tableau Vivant~ Curly hairbase (tintable)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
creator unknown, BoltedXMetal v1.2 gag (As usual I don’t recall where I got this, though I thought it was Marketplace. I know I didn’t pay for it.)
shot at The Bower, Hollowtree

Kinky photo fiasco

leashedforreleaseWhen I saw the photos my play partner took of me, I was stunned by how ugly I looked. At first I conceded that two were okay for posting on FetLife, but I changed my mind as soon as I saw them online. I felt humiliated (in a bad way) by the public exposure of my lumpy body and homely face and by my awkward and lazy rope-bound posing. In the last few months, my top’s primary partner has been falling in love with an idiot and has taken on idiocy as a lifestyle, so he’s feeling vulnerable. Taking the pics was his way of getting back some rigging confidence and exercising creative impulses that he’s had little time to indulge because of a stressful job. We talked about our mutual disappointment when I asked him to remove the photos. But our feelings of inadequacy and fears of rejection take different forms, so we don’t really understand each other. I asked if he would Photoshop one of the pictures we shot to improve my looks, and he said he doesn’t do any manipulation because he wants the raw experience and emotion to show. (I was certainly emotional because he was hitting me while we shot. Turns out my chin quivers in a particularly unphotogenic way.) At first I thought we could try again, covering my whale belly with rope to distract from the blubber and not shooting my squirrel-cheeked face. But given the intensity of my panicky reaction to the first set of pictures, I doubt that I would ever feel good about any pictures of me. I can get naked in the dungeon and know that I might not be appealing to people around me. But I’m too involved with my partner to notice other people’s judging eyes. (The kink scene is neither liberal nor liberated.The narrow focus on the BDS and M means that evaluation is highly concentrated and thus more exacting.) More significantly, when I play I’m not making a claim to being a photo-worthy subject, so my physical defects don’t matter as much. To pose for photos is to propose openly that I am attractive enough to repay perving. It’s a form of hubris.
kitten, hold the whip I couldn’t have anticipated my reaction. I honestly didn’t think I’d look so hideous, partly because the internet is not exclusively populated by photos of young skinny girls in rope. There are sexy pics of women who are older and bigger, but the best of those use flattering lighting or natural light that bathes the whole body. The lighting my top used was harsh. The angles make me look awkward and the highlights and shadows fall haphazardly on my body. There was no way of avoiding this. We were so in the moment. He was shooting frame after frame very quickly. I couldn’t see where he was standing, or where the light was, because I was blindfolded. I haven’t shared this criticism with my top, and I won’t unless we find ourselves thinking about trying again. I can imagine working on one or two poses and getting the lighting right so that my body can carry the strain and beauty of rope without looking unequal to it and without looking defeated by the demands of photographs. We may be able to negotiate something or we may take a lesson from polyamory and agree that our photographic needs can be met only by others.

..::PaperDoll’s::.. Leash tits [Black] (NEW at Kink Monthly) [Love these. Tug tug.]
[theSkinnery] Sona eye collection – 8 (NEW at Chapter Four)
Analog Dog [aka AD] – Delta – SPLASH pack (NEW)
..DirtyStories. Diamond Chest Heart
SIIX//Chrome Lingirie // Black
Maitreya Lara Mesh Body
MONS / MESH – Septum Rings (style23)
poses both pics: W. Winx and Flair, Temptation Lounge
The following are past gachas I bought on Marketplace:
=Zenith=Wood Elf Ranger Leather Arm/Gloves -Maitreya
=Zenith=Wood Elf Ranger Leather Leg Belt (Black)-Maitreya
=Zenith=Wood Elf Ranger Leather Long Boots (Black)-Maitreya
-Glam Affair – Sasha skin – India 02 A