I always thought Zibska’s creations were for mature women who wear Glam Affair skins and luxurious, sometimes very big, hair. I thought that because I shot that! So I had to fuck with the trend by hanging the Oxana horns on a young avatar. It doesn’t work and yet I love it. It’s cheering. Because this version of my av is only about 25 years old, she had to have a tattoo to follow the social norm, but the black tattoo clashed with the pink-and-green tones of the horns. I decided to banish the black and go all out with colour. (I did have to make it odd with some rectangular white-diamond earrings—fit for one of those older women I used to shoot.) The heart-shaped picture window is part of an old rare Amitomo gacha. I didn’t find it in store but you can shoot on this set if you go to the Kawaii Night Scenes section at Backdrop City. The Oxana horns are a Hair Fair item that is now in store.
The Bobby hairbases, which also debuted at Hair Fair, are in store at Mina. They are well made, with no visible seam just above the forehead.
Zibska, Oxana Horn Full Vs. (Got this at Hair Fair and it’s now in the main store)
MINA – Bobby-03 – LeL Evox BOM-hairbase (red) (Got this at Hair Fair and it’s now in the main store)
In the United States there are 1.9 jobs available for each worker. Since the pandemic changed the way we do business, people have been less willing to go back to work at jobs with shitty pay. Right now Portia is wondering if she really wants to spend eight hours a night six nights a week with a heavy tray of sex toys hanging from her piercings. She’s a pain pro, a power bottom, but she doesn’t get special treatment—a half hour for dinner and two fifteen-minute breaks. Hardly enough time to rest her nipples. Portia caught my eye at the kink club. I watched her for hours. I couldn’t help worrying that she was overloaded. So I introduced myself as a scholar specializing in labor relations and arranged to exchange emails with Portia to hear her ideas about improving her working conditions. “It’s true that we’re allowed to hold the tray to release the strain on our nipples,” she wrote, “but if I’m processing a transaction with both hands I have to grin as well as bare it. LOL.” I told Portia about my background in labor-aware feminist sculpture, suggesting that she could carry around polyester resin casts of the toys. “Polyester resin let me make a huge sculpture called The Unknown Worker that didn’t break the art gallery’s floor because it’s so light-weight. The bigger the better,” I wrote, thinking back to the butt plug on Portia’s tray. Portia shot me a response right away, possibly because she had been waiting to hear from me. She complained that she’d have to make trips to the office to pick up the real items when people wanted to buy them. “That’s umpteen excursions back and forth in these heels,” she said. “The spikes all along the back catch on the tablecloths and the boss docks my pay every time I rip something. Blargh.” I was enjoying our correspondence, thinking a lot about the LELO magic wand that was weighing this brave worker down, so I was actually a little sorry when Portia got to the point. “It’s all about AGENCY,” she wrote. “Yas Queen” I responded. “It’s all about POWER.” Once we’d got feminist together I knew I had to see Portia in the flesh again, so I insisted she meet me at my neighborhood cafe where we could celebrate our anti-capitalist, patriarchy-fucking breakthrough with an affogato, espresso poured over ice cream. It didn’t take long for us to figure out what Portia needed to change about her job. It wasn’t just the weight that mattered, it was the mileage. Every night she circled the club with the tray bobbing from her breasts and her legs hobbled by the too-small boots her employer had provided. Her dogs needed an Epsom salts bath as much as her nips. Portia required stability. “I’ve got it,” she said in her distinctive alto as she pushed aside the affogato and ordered a black coffee. She leaned in very very close (so close that I couldn’t help but stare at her blood-red lips) and pitched her voice even lower.
“The customers can get off their asses. They will come to me.”
“Perfect,” I whispered, taking in her glorious Sintiklia hair—at Hair Fair until July 10—her bold lightning-bolt earrings by Mandala—back on the grid after years AWOL—her cute speckled eyeshadow—a weekend special by Fontaine—and her delicate liner—a group gift by The Skinnery. “Perfect.”
I’m a sucker for covers of old sensationalist lesbian pulp novels. Usually they feature two women. But Robert McGinnis’ cover for Beebo Brinker gives us fan-favourite Beebo with an improbable rattan suitcase, standing in her school uniform next to a signpost. There’s a One Way sign and it points to—dun dun—Gay Street. I’ve copied the Beebo Brinker cover blurb for my homage to pulp covers. There’s no longer any reason to imagine that a woman who wears pants is suspiciously mannish. But that suspicion was still in play when Marlene Dietrich posed like a phallic mother.
(It was Greenwich Village for pete’s sake. Who could blame Beebo?) Akeruka launched a new ADVX line with two androgynous heads, one female and one male (?). What makes the female head androgynous is a very square chin, the kind of chin I’ve always disliked in Second Life. But I enjoy this head and although I couldn’t get Portia to look very androgynous in a Glam Affair skin, I was happy that Akeruka’s ADVX heads use the same erm mapping or something as LeLutka does. That means BOM layers that you’ve used for your LeLutka EVOX heads will work with the ADVX. Appliers do not work. My one big complaint about this head is the eyes. Using the rigged Akeruka eyes meant watching the right one jump in an out of the socket. I eventually switched to LeLutka unrigged eyes but then I could not stop the eyes from moving around the socket like a swarm of ants.
The pink-and-black Duck or Swan tattoo appeals to me because the only tattoo I’ve ever considered getting is a koi fish, in honour of my love for Japanese-inspired rope. (Actually I’ve also considered getting a tattoo of rope marks but that would be difficult to make out. My future surgeons would be too puzzled to operate.) In addition to koi fish and flowers on the chest, the arms feature a femme fatale and a demon, and the back features another beautiful but deadly-looking Asian woman. I expect you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the unusual pants from Erratic. Because they’re obviously perfect..for Greenwich Village. (Well, Williamsburg…in the 1990s. I don’t know: it’s been a while since I lived in Brooklyn and the East Village [and SoHO, which was like Disneyland on the weekend, and which I try very hard to forget]. Especially in New York, where it’s very hard to meet people, my One Way sign pointed to Asexual Street.)
.[AK ADVX] – Andro Head (F)
.[AK ADVX] Andro Shape F (my edit)
/ EYES / lel EvoX 3.1
erratic / akira – trousers / pinstripe (maitreya)
`M.BIRDIE / Donna look. Top Maitreya3 (past gacha)
:[Plastik]:- Krysis-Bellychain://Bastille- Deep (n/a)
Sixx, Cross Pasties
friday – Luna Leather Ring Set (Maitreya)
friday – May Sandals (Midnight)
KMH – Hair F173 Unrigged(resize)
Last shot: KMH Hair Fair 200 unrigged (Hair Fair Gift)
Nyoko – Yoon-gi Earrings [Black]
DUCK or SWAN-Asian demon tattoo DARK
Fontaine Cosmetics, x LelEvoX – Joy Eyeshadow 
Jack Spoon. Marsha Liner (2) EvoX
Marsh – Sheila Eyebrow (Tintable) reddy brown (new)
[Glam Affair] Lyna Layer [Lelutka EvoX] Fair A
-Pretty Liars- Butt lift + Enhancements LEVEL 2
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3
First shot: Stun, Violet on set by Anxiety at Backdrop City sim
She’s both. That, at least, is the fantasy I’ve indulged all these years blogging sensational outfits from R2 A/D/E.
The jacket from the Kanu ensemble is loaded with text and symbols. “R2 Cybernetics” tells us that my av may be more human than human. If she’s roaming the grid killing people, it’s likely by assassination rather than total warfare. Especially when she’s dressed in pink and wearing a razor-sharp red bob, we get the impression that her body count can’t be that high. “R2 Defense” tells us she’s not aggressive. The number of warning signs is astounding. One adorns the crotch. This means she’s nobody’s toy. Make sure you get consent with FRIES (freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific). And then read every inch of her suit before daring to take it off. The print is very small so for all I know it’s a user’s manual.
The bathing-suit-style onesie is actually a twosie. You can strip her of top or bottom. Or both. Her gloves—courtesy an old gacha from CURELESS—are crystalline.
I added some fading bruises. These stoke the fantasy that she is a killing machine. Who wears incredible boots fashioned to look like vintage heels complete with ankle straps. Who satisfies herself with spiky pink fingers.
The rainbow lashes are a Jack Spoon free gift . The makeup is all about pride. Who said beauty-as-the-beast is straight?
R2 A/D/E Kanu in [Meta Pink]Maitreya (all sold together, available at Collabor88)
tram, L0325 hair1
CURELESS[+] Precious Gem / M / Crystal Hand / PINK (past gacha, can buy in the fatback)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3
K!odio, [Dae] – Shape LeLUTKA Ceylon Evolx 3.1 / LEGACY (I edited this for Maitreya)
:::G.ID:::. Trauma Legs and Trauma Torso (olde, n/a)
-Pretty Liars- Boobs lift LEVEL 6
/ HEAD / lel EvoX CEYLON 3.1
[Heaux] Tsuki – Browless – Blush [Purple Kisses Ver.] *VE (this was a special edition of the Tsuki skin)
Eye makeup: Sugarose, Carola
Eyes: Reverie, Jubilee Eyes #1
Lashes: Jack Spoon, Pride 22 Lashes (free gift)
Lying pose: K&S poses, Katya 4 (only 50L)
Sitting pose: K&S poses, Me, Myself and I 3 (only 50L)
Am I glad to see so many gifts for asexual pride? Glad doesn’t describe it: I feel gloomy. I am not proud of being asexual. Or proud of myself despite being asexual and not fitting in to the BDSM community, which claims to be sex-positive, in opposition to mainstream culture. This claim to be sex-positive turns into pressure to have sex. If you don’t, you’re sex-negative. I guess I am sex-negative. I don’t know whether I’m asexual because I was born this way or because having sex with men in my twenties and early thirties was traumatic. I wanted to fuck but I didn’t want to do it right away. I did it right away because men’s drive to fuck overwhelmed me and I figured I might as well get it over with. After a particularly bad streak of breakups I decided to never have sex again. Sex I believed was like cocaine. Some people did it but it was beyond my reach. Twenty years later I dipped a slightly curious toe into sex with cis/het men, but that toe didn’t stretch to penis-in-vagina sex. Twenty years ago, cis/het men believed it wasn’t sex if it wasn’t fucking. Is it the same today? (One difference is that a kinky friend of mine can state she has limited tolerance for piv sex and that doesn’t mean she has no sex. I think it’s awesome that someone can state that up front. In my youth you couldn’t say that in a way that the public would recognize and possibly be okay with.) I often wonder what’s the difference between being asexual and being a “typical” woman for whom fucking is so disappointing that she doesn’t want it and is content to not do it for long periods of time. I toy with the idea that if I had the intimacy that cis/het women supposedly crave I would be sexual. Then I think about the fact that I am indeed sexual but only with myself. (Although that has waned since the bad experiences that I’ve had with cis/het men in the past few years. I get off on some kinds of porn [and loathe others, especially porn that features face-fucking], but I can’t be bothered to get out my computer and vibrator and do it. Add to this the fact that actors aren’t getting paid when I’m watching porn clips for free and all porn becomes a turn-off for me.) Personally I find the idea of asexuality confusing. Maybe that’s another reason why I am as abashed as my av looks in the photo above. I genuinely don’t know what I’m talking about. How do you account for yourself if you were asexual without identifying as such for twenty-five years?
Here my av is brandishing two tickets for the Miss Lonelyhearts club. I shot images in which she was holding these tickets and crying. Then I decided my av and I can be lonely AF and still be as-close-to-whole people as anyone else. Ironically, one of the things that bothers me about pride campaigns is the phrase “Love is love.” Why can’t we say “Hot gay sex is hot gay sex”? I object to taking sex out of the picture of gay life even though I’ve mostly eliminated it from mine.
Safety pins and heavy chains. Some of the signs of punk looks from my youth, which I still love, but also of kink. There may be a place for asexual kinksters in the rope scene, if only because after you’ve done the rope you’re too damn tired, or too emotionally and physically satisfied, to move onto sex. The same could be said for impact, or any other kind of play. I feel, however, like I’m carving out an asexual niche on my own in the local scene. Two ace people did try to break into the rope scene before the pandemic but they disappeared…before the pandemic. I wish a wonderful pride month to LGBTQIA individuals who can feel pride. If you can’t feel it, you’re not alone. Maybe I’ll take this time to give up asexual shame. If I spent twenty years not having any kind of sex I can spend a month not feeling confounded by that.
Pride At Home is featuring a Shop & Hop for 99L items as well as offering a lot of group gifts. To see the items for sale and the gifts check out their Facebook. To get the gifts take this scooter (just don’t cut corners when you’re turning on a red light you maniacs).
*NeverWish* Pride Glitter Heart Top – Maitreya (Pride at Home gift, free to join)
SEKA’s Almost Skirt (Maitreya) PRIDE [undies not included] (Pride at Home gift, free to join)
KMH – Hair F194 Rigged(S) v1.1 (comes in multiple sizes) (Pride at Home gift, free to join)
Izzie’s – LeL Evo X – Pride Face Hearts (asexual) (mainstore gift)
.Fontaine Cosmetics, Kween Eyeshadow 8 (BOM)
Reverie, Sakura Matte Lipstick (applier)
Emotional Circus – Spring makeup – Pop color Blush (this ended up just above my av’s forehead because it’s not Evo X and I liked the effect)
Portia’s Rabbita makeup is from Hanzel. It allows you to mix and match white and pink features.
I finally made the switch to LeLutka Evo X. Portia’s wearing the Ceylon head with the included skin and a divine shape from Toinha. Her color-change ribbon earrings are from Stoic. Her eyes are from rotten. And her flower-strewn blue nails are from Ascendant.
When Easter’s over Bunny goes home to the moon. Portia’s Fiona outfit is by Pixicat, my favorite line. (But it’s not available in this special 50 L Friday color.) Portia’s stockings are by Caboodle. She can wear them with or without flowers on either leg as she chooses.
Caboodle – Ruffled Bunny Ears (group gift)
. Hanzel . Rabbita Whiskers, Nose, Mouth Sides, Mouth Lips, Freckles and Blush [Lelutka Evo X]
Content warning: suicidal ideation. I just got out of the psych ward. Whenever a therapist asked me in the past if I was suicidal I would say no, so as to avoid being hospitalized against my will. Sometimes I had to admit I was suicidal. That meant I had to say no to the question “Do you have a plan?” Again, to prevent being sent to the loony bin. About six weeks ago I admitted I had a plan. But my therapist took this as a sign of increased depression as opposed to a sign I was going to harm myself. In the past I had resisted the plan I’d devised by imagining that the driver would be traumatized when I threw myself in front of their train. Then one day I didn’t care about the driver. The impulse to commit suicide is more like a compulsion, so when I found myself feeling especially compelled to kill myself I checked myself into the hospital. My psychiatrist had told me that my therapist felt she couldn’t give me the level of support I needed. (COVID being the main reason. Therapists are wrung out dealing with clients dealing with the end of the world as we knew it.) With my therapist tapped out I knew I had to get myself somewhere “safe.” I thought that if I checked myself in I could leave whenever I wanted. Wrong. The five days I thought I needed turned into ten as the doctor tinkered with meds and everyone else observed whether I kept up my hygiene and played nice with other mentally ill people, many of whom scared me. I was still suicidal on my first full day in there. They had given me a notebook and small pencil so I could journal my way to health. I was sure I could do something to my jugular with that pencil.
Ironically, the last straw was my reaction to the first day of a post-hospitalization program that my shrink recommended. Let’s call it Haven. Five days a week for six hours each day for three to four weeks. Can you spell overkill? How about unbearable? On the first day of the Haven program, I could not see the other patients in Zoom but knew they were much younger than me. And I could not handle the exercise we were doing. The question was “What is comfortable for you and what requires courage?” The obvious answer to me was “Everything for me requires courage and I don’t want to talk about it.” I was pulled out of that meeting to meet the Haven psychiatrist I would be working with and then pulled out again to meet the therapist. It was sometime during that meeting that I said I needed to go to the hospital and they called 911 and stayed online with me till a trio of rescuers appeared. Long ago I promised myself that I would never take an ambulance to emergency again because I had once paid $500 for one. This time it cost me $450. I found the neatly folded receipt for payment in my bag when I was given my belongings at discharge. I had packed so carefully when the rescuers came: this was out of some kind of conscientious instinct to be prepared. I had no idea that the hospital would take away everything, including my computer and phone. I managed to send some samizdat texts before they took my phone. My friends, along with visits to cafes, had been keeping me sane. I only made five phone calls when I was in the psych ward. Two were for business, two were to my therapist. Only one was for friendship’s sake. I was very much alone, except when I went to the low-stakes goals and art therapy sessions. (I drummed, people, I drummed.) And to the giant meals and regular snacks of soothing carbohydrates. There was not enough coffee so I had to get bold enough to ask for leftovers. That became my comfort zone. I was careful enough to make sure that I didn’t hog it because the person I most liked was also a coffee fiend. He could carry on a conversation with himself and one with me at the same time. On different topics.
Now that I’ve been hospitalized I am excitingly more qualified for the post-hospitalization program. I’m considering the face-to-face version of Haven. When I say considering I really mean considering. You see after the disastrous first day at Haven I decided I needed to do some shopping around, so I called Haven to cancel a second intake interview. They told me they were going to charge me a $125 cancellation fee because I didn’t give them 24-hours notice. It was 11 am. 24 hours would have been 9:30. It was my first day back from the hospital. My radically shrunken world did not contain 24-hour notices and cancellation fees. I was so angry. I told them I was done with them and may have shouted “fuck off” into the phone. Now I have to go crawling back because another program I was looking at wants a twelve-week commitment, as opposed to three, and another runs a mind-boggling seven days a week as opposed to five. What am I going to get out of one of these programs? A vacation from me for my therapist. And coping skills. I would like the meds to spare me the daily despair and thoughts of suicide and efforts to cope. But meds have never really worked for me. Looks like my only option is learn how to Venn diagram “comfort,” “courage,” and “fuck me sideways with a chainsaw you fucking fuck.” Unless there’s art therapy—as a post-hospitalized person I have mad skills on the frame drum.
[The Forge] Drina Bodice, Black. Maitreya. comes with [The Forge] Drina Harness, Black. Maitreya. They can be worn separately.
Zibska, Ballard Ruff (colour change; comes with cuffs)
Rowne.Dovile Leather Gloves – Onyx.Lara
THIS IS WRONG Winter tattoo BLUE FRESH – BoM
(epia) – Spank Paddle (n/a)
LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)
The lashes are by Jack Spoon and I forget where I got them as a gift. Perhaps they’re in the main store by now.
Core&Gore :: Osho eyeshadows [pink] Evo
Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2
TuTy’s Adorable – Hair base Black (older than Methuselah’s tortoise)
I don’t have any fantasies of service submission. But Portia likes to keep her eye on the madeleines. I put this look together with discount items: I got the hair, lingerie, eyeshadow, eyelashes, and lip gloss via Fifty Linden Friday, Happy Weekend, and my favourite, SoKawaiiSundays.
I paid a pretty packet for these cuffs and collar, past gacha items by Mug, which I picked up on Marketplace. They are gorgeous creations of lace, leather, and chains. (I had to edit the cuff on Portia’s left wrist. Inworld there is no break in that chain.) This picture seems pretty tame. Until you notice the way Portia’s nipple is playing with the pointed cup of the Savannah bra.
Credits (all items are LeLutka Evo)
bonbon – nagisa hair – ombres (comes with a male fit and with a no-bangs version)
Ricielli – Savannah Lingerie Bra (M. Lara) [with collar not shown]
Ricielli – Savannah Lingerie Garter and Panties (M. Lara)
I’m marking Pride month with every celebratory heart in my inventory. Pride has expanded beyond the gay male community to represent multiple gender and sexual communities. This year I learned that the kink community is not friendly to asexuals. It’s great to see virtual rope classes that are dedicated to “LGBTQ” students. But where does that leave the I and the A students? The online asexual munch listed on FetLife consistently drew only two or three RSVPs. A recent Dating Kinky event on asexuality was canceled and has not been rescheduled. I like to joke that an asexual event will only work if it’s geared towards their allies. If the allies show up a few of us ace-types can sneak in. Read “Making Space for Ace (Asexuals) at Your Sex and Kink Parties.”
See you on the beach with this bag, a gift from Belle Epoque at Shop & Hop, where merchants are celebrating SL18B as well as Pride. My av’s hair is Mina’s gift at Shop & Hop. Limos below.
Belle Epoque, Candice Bag Pride Edition (gift at Shop & Hop)
MINA Hair – Shop & Hop 2021 hair (gift at Shop & Hop)