Portrait of a glam opium eater

I’m perimenopausal. (Hmm. As openings go, that one might be less than compelling, unless you’ve never heard the word perimenopausal, which I hadn’t until a friend used it a few years ago. Technically, one is periM until menopause, which is not a phase but the moment at which one has not had a period for 12 months. It takes a long time to say periM, so I just say I’m going through “the change.”) One apparent perk of “the change” arrived two years ago: I stopped craving cola, which I’d drunk in excess since I was 20, my skin cleared up after 35+ years of spots, and PMS disappeared. Gee, I thought, free at frickin’ last. Who knew what joys would come when my body started giving up on me as a sexual being? And how ironic that it started when I decided to be a sexual being again (in the rope realm). The acne, the PMS and a teensy bit of the cola craving are back. I spent the last six weeks poking at zits again. And I am now so depressed that I spent the last two days lying on the couch doing nothing except taking pics in SL. So here you go, this is how I’ve been keeping myself occupied while I wait for a period that’s late for no sexual reason.
Apparently all the hair in the [e] store is going to be retired soon, so go now. And yeah, I know this outfit is combining Chinese and Japanese elements. Throw an abacus at me.

Credits
[CX] Fengyue – Red//Type.2 ( Maitreya ) (@ Uber, I think) NEW
*:..Silvery K..:*Japanese pipe(Lotus Gold)C be careful when you buy: two of the four pipes on display are transfer only! (@ We <3 role play) NEW
*{( konpeitou )}* sweetie – 7 – clogs (@ Lootbox gacha, bought on Marketplace) NEW
[e] Betty (Essentials pack)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 2.7
Glam Affair, Kinga applier
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
alme Modern gift pink manicure (Tres Chic birthday gift)
[Glitzz] Zania Earring (Tres Chic birthday gift)
[CX] Pierced Septum (Gold) (idk where this came from, an old gift, maybe SLB13)
MiWardrobe, Japanese coin – bracelet (OMG, so old! I loved MiWardrobe)
idk where I got the tat
Xplicit, Pet’s Cage
location: Opium Den (adult)

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Misunderstood

Again, I’ve held off on posting pix because I was trying to write about a recent scene. Each time I went back to the writing, I sucked a little more life out of it. Five minutes ago, while I was on my way home from buying groceries, I realized that I have something else to offer my readers, something more than news of a clearance sale. Not long ago, I was lucky enough to participate in an excellent GRUE (Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza, obvs). In an unconference, the participants create the classes. One session was a discussion about pain and humiliation. I love humiliation. I dislike pain. As in, pain is painful; but also as in, pain doesn’t do anything for me. I thought that taking the class might help me find a humiliating side of pain. But the the discussion leader is like me. She explained that being slapped fast and hard in the face just hurts physically. It doesn’t humiliate her. Being slapped less roughly, as if she were being rebuked for bad behavior, makes her cheeks burn with shame. That burn, by the way, comes from the inside, in the same way a blush does, not from the sting of the slap. I chimed in early in the conversation, saying that what I like is discomfort rather than pain. (Discomfort is not the right word, because it’s not strong enough, but I couldn’t think of another term.) The discussion leader nodded and then asked me how I feel when someone deals out pain, and I replied, without thinking about it, “misunderstood.” This is not “misunderstood” as in being mistaken for a snob instead of recognized as reserved. This is “misunderstood” as in experiencing a sadness that must date back to childhood because it is the sadness of a very small person. And it goes unrecognized when someone smacks me for the sake of the smack.
The pictures in today’s post took mere minutes to shoot. On both occasions, I was just goofing around with my av, who is dressed for an ordinary day as a ghoul on the grid in the image above. In the first picture, she is only half styled. Practically naked without her tattoo and cuffs and gun or cuddlebunny. And her hair, sorry to say, is now gone forever, because creator Kavar Cleanslate is bringing new textures to the Exile line. Re:Japonica and the March Collabor88 are over, so you will have to stalk the Air and R2 A/D/E shops until their goodies arrive on the shelves.

Pic 1
R2 A/D/E, Shun dress and bodysuit
Lelutka, Simone Head (Bento)
Glam Affair, Adley applier (50L Friday version)
Exile, Liaison Wildcards
Eclectic Randomness, Mesh Doll Cabinet pose prop
Pic 2
Air, Toriko pose prop
Pixicat, Ambrosia dress mini version
Red Mint, hair no 39 Fantasy o.7-9
1mm, tabi and geta (past gift)

Too many to march

standanddeliversannaWhen the organizers of the women’s march realized 50,000 people might show up, they canceled the planned u-turn route so the crowd wouldn’t run into itself. When 250,000 showed up today, they had to cancel what was left of the march, a short, straight shot from the park to Federal Plaza. We marched it all the same. This was a beautiful day. It was a rally, not a protest, but there were dozens of resistance-inspiring signs and slogans. My favourite by far was “The pussy grabs back.”
stalking-nurseWounded and without the Affordable Care Act, which the Republicans repealed in the dead of night. Now they’ll defund it. They have no plan to replace it.

Credits
r2 A/D/E tsubaki[white&red]Maitreya (at Collabor88: the two items are sold separately; there are also cool armwarmers)
r2 A/D/E tsubaki boots[white&red]Maitreya (at Collabor88: the two items are sold separately)
Violetility – Voodoo Doll Heart and Spine CHERRY (at Memento Mori)
Nox, Spanked butt (includes butt, chest, vag and vag and butt, classic layers, TMP and OMEGA appliers) (at ROMP)
Suicide Gurls, Asrid Unisex tattoo (VIP group gift—fee to join)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
La Petite Morte, india v2 albino lelutka applier tone 1 (on sale for 100L—go upstairs to find it)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
[LeLutka]-BRIGITTE hair – Marilyn (on Marketplace)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Shot at Insilico

Hot for the holidays

homefortheholidaysShooting half-naked avs stresses me out, so I figured I’d keep this holiday post clean. I feel discouraged about shooting sexy pics because I know my audience will be limited, and I can imagine all the people out there who think nudity and eroticism are dirty. I also know that there are plenty of people who tolerate representations of heteronormative sexuality but condemn all other kinds as perversions. I’m a pervert. Although it wasn’t a goal, I’d like to think that my posts on Pleisure have “put a human face” on kinksters. This is not easy to do. I’d been seeing my therapist for two years before I began exploring BDSM. I told her about it right away—finally I had a reason to leave my house! She could have freaked out, could have tried to pathologize me and treat me, but she didn’t. One day, after we’d talked once again about the trouble I was having negotiating successfully with my partner before our scenes, she said, by way of conclusion, “It’s very human.” At first I was shocked that she had thought it might be inhuman. But then I realized that I hadn’t expected the humanness either, hadn’t understood that I would be entering into ordinary frustrating and/or fun relationships with ordinary people. In my ignorance about BDSM, I had imagined that a bad person and a good person go into a room and have a harrowing experience without sharing anything else. That’s what I get for reading all that D/s kidnap erotica! (Which I am not throwing out. Or lending to you.)
bunnbunsThat adorable heart-shaped butt comes from the bunny outfit, which is an old group gift you can still pick up at COCO. It predates mesh avs, but I managed to get it to work with my Lara. If I hadn’t stumbled across this outfit I would not have been inspired to blog for Xmas this far in advance. The end of the year always makes me sentimental, so I decided that for this post I would try out one of the many skins I didn’t have time to blog when Sopha Portal was doing MUDSKIN. Unfortunately, she shut down her shop and didn’t come back as promised. Check your inventory and see if you’ve got some of her skins stashed away. Or check Marketplace where you can buy gachas on resale. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, no matter which one you are celebrating.

Credits
*COCO*_ChristmasBunny_ group gift (no fee to join)
MUDSKIN/My Ugly Dorothy, MIDO Lelutka applier (not available)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.6
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
Katatonik, arm tattoo, an old Oz Easter gift, not available
tram, F623 hair(L) / bluegray group gift (no fee to join)
{S0NG} :: Cupid~ Blue Eye
Pic 1: Opulence Poses, Sweet Tooth [comes with candy canes to hold] (at Second Level)
Pic 2: OOO Studio, Allegory pack (probably not available)
shot at December will be Magic Again and a private location near Frisenland (yah, I trespass when I find good interior design)
Windlight: Tricolour Sky by Annan Adored, tweaked by me

Bliss as a bottom

pale hedda This weekend I had the pleasure of demo bottoming for a shibari (kinbaku) class at the local dungeon. This is something I never thought I would be able to do, on account of my advancing age, my funny face and my generous stomach, not to mention my inexperience. (Where “experience” means two or three years participating in a committed heteronormative relationship with weekly painful, upside-down suspensions mimicking circus-style professional rope performances and/or high-end photographs of full-time bondage models.) It’s true that I wasn’t asked to bottom, but when I found out that the man I’d started playing with was going to teach a class, I volunteered by text and he responded with an (admittedly non-stoked-sounding) “okay.” In January at Shibaricon, I had stepped up as a last-minute bottom when he, a total stranger, needed a partner for a private class with a fabulous rigger. That was an extraordinary experience. I thought it was only fitting that we recreate it. We’d played a couple of times before we met for this week’s rehearsal. I had discovered that he is really mean and prefers to be brutal, and I am not someone who wants to be brutalized. (I had, it’s true, enjoyed grappling with him and trying to evade his assaults. The vicious hairpulling and unrelenting pressure-point-pushing were tough but … well, let’s just say that, if he ever asks, I will not hesitate to deny any interest in breast slapping and nipple twisting.) So I arrived at his place feeling like there wasn’t much hope that we’d be anything but teammates for a single class and thereafter wave to each other at munches. But then we rehearsed and my feelings changed.
pale dramaWe discovered that my top doesn’t have to thump me to be mean. He has the option of meanly keeping me in line, something I never thought I’d allow. The type of rope he was set to teach is derived from Yukimura Haruki’s style and philosophy. It’s designed to exercise close control over the bottom’s body, and yet because the techniques of capturing and tying the bottom use the bottom’s body “against” her, I got to be far more mobile than I could be in a typical partial suspension with impact play. An aspect of this style that I particularly enjoy—because I like to feel humiliated—is the top exposing the bottom’s body. The day we rehearsed, I was wearing a long skirt. My top reached out along my extended leg to slowly pull the skirt up till it covered only a few inches of my upper thigh. When I half-whined “My leg is cold,” he responded “Tough.” This made me giggle on the inside, so he wouldn’t hear me, because it was the perfect rebuff of a gratuitous complaint. When we taught the class a few days later, he gave me the option to demonstrate how fruitless it would be to struggle. That seemed lame, so I said “ummm” and then tried to escape completely. He brought me down easily. I yelped and groaned and knelt with my head to the mat to demonstrate my complete surrender. He rotated me 45 degrees so that the class could see the next part of the demo and then shocked the hell out of me when he smacked my foot to drive my leg back into the proper position. I deserved that, exactly that, as a correction to my behavior, and it was perfectly satisfying. He felt that way too. (There’s nudity under the cut. For realz.) Continue reading

I, embodied

boosterI went to my first-ever yoga class about six weeks ago. Okay, I went to one when I was 20-something: turning red in the face, sweating, and failing to breathe inclined me to think I was not cut out for yoga. Being instructed to feel at one with the earth almost drove me out of the room: it was the late 80s, so I was a hard-core deconstructionist, meaning that anything remotely spiritual—or just plain connection-oriented—was suspect. (Everything was opiate of the masses. I’ve softened over time. Now I would say it’s weed of the many.) Twenty-five years later, I decided to try again because I want to be a more flexible and physically stronger rope bottom. On the first day, I felt completely at home because rope classes have accustomed me to sitting on the floor wearing a pair of leggings and a singlet—and wondering if I should stretch before the lesson. I debated whether I could apply to yoga the same reasoning I bring to sadomasochistic rope—there’s no sense in stretching if it’s supposed to hurt. (There’s hurt and there’s hurt. Eustress good. Distress bad.) (Speaking of, there’s nothing dangerous under the cut.) Continue reading

Sworn

swornI missed out on buying elikatira’s Stella hairstyle at the last Hair Fair and have been frequenting the shop in the hope that it would magically appear. And it did. I knew I couldn’t do justice to this phenomenal flip by dressing Portia in a pantsuit or by draping her in lame. Then it came to me. This is how Joan of Arc would have done her hair if those bastards hadn’t burnt her at the stake. (And some nun had already invented hairspray.)
chainedheat It just so happened that I saw Joan in elikatira’s hair the same day that I informed my rope bondage partner that he shouldn’t mess with me because I am descended from Vikings (on my Irish mother’s side). Eureka! Or whatever Vikings say. I dug out ye olde gacha Gudrun outfit by !Go! and headed Norse. (Do I need to add that he didn’t stop messing with me?) Continue reading

Pretty smitten

brightrosiedayMy second Shibaricon was nothing like the first, where I took about a dozen classes, tying with a different top each time and learning all I could about the practices, histories and philosophies of rope bondage. This year attendance was down, so there were almost no spare tops. I was lucky enough to meet a cool couple who both wanted to top. I prefer floor play to suspensions, and I don’t like extreme pain, but I surprised myself the first day by taking two suspension classes and a torture class. (Leg binder over-layered with an unlocked futo momo to fashion a partial suspension. Why, eh?) In one of those classes I had intended only to observe but I was summoned into bottoming by a rigger whom I recognized from her stage performance in 2015. She appeared coolly sadistic on stage and I discovered, somewhat to my relief, that her onstage command translated into a no-nonsense attitude in class rather than torture and cackles. Still I could not relax, and when I asked the translator to tell her I was nervous, the rigger’s attitude did not soften. We did not bond. After the third and final suspension she sat crosslegged on the floor bundling her rope. Lying at some distance from her I was surprised to find myself slipping into sub space. And then I was astonished when she noticed and slapped her thigh to direct me to lay my head on it. I obeyed. Being ignored while she kept rebundling her rope snapped me right out of my swoon. I hope this doesn’t sound like kvetching. She was highly respectful of my comfort in the ropes and did not overwhelm me with the lightning-fast tying I’d seen her perform on stage. Now that I think about it, it may have been the ordinariness of the encounter that left me disconcerted. An experienced and focused top is exactly what I needed as I faced my frustration with suspension. But it might have been nice if she’d also hypnotized me and reduced me to a groveling whip-crazed slave. (Still frustrated with suspension, btw. I can’t get over how much the ropes hurt my tender widdle arms.)
wellbredOn the second day I was lucky enough to bottom for a four-hour-long private lesson with my favourite rigger and his glorious partner. The top who needed a bottom for the class posted a message on FetLife and got only two responses. It amazes me what people miss out on. I can only assume that a person with a top thinks s/he doesn’t need any other kind of experience at Shibaricon, and a person without a top isn’t confident enough to take a chance on doing a class with a stranger. The rigger who taught us subscribes to the idea that tying should be a dialogue between the top and bottom, a corporeal call and response. He also insists that whenever possible the rigger should have one hand on the bottom’s body and one on the rope instead of both on the rope. In addition to using the rope to move a bottom’s body, he applies gentle hand pressure at key points on the body: one touch on my lower back straightened me out of a slump! It felt like a magical form of control. Any rigger who likes her/his bottom to be enthralled should learn it.
cradleUnfortunately, the physical and emotional demands of all this rope took a toll on me. I dropped into a terrible depression and had to sleep the afternoon away. I had a nightmare that I was in a mostly empty museum without any pants. Out the window I could see eight lanes of highway standing between me and my hotel. I reasoned that I had somehow gotten to the museum half-naked and should thus be able to leave and get back to my hotel without any fuss. I wrenched myself awake before my dream self had to steal a museum guard’s pants. This was my first experience of drop, and it was so awful that once I was back into circulation I acted as though I would explode if anyone tried to put rope on me. (I was rope-open the next day, although a bit wary.)
carrotmeetsstick Without doubt the best part of Shibaricon was my regular play partner, who I’ve written about before. He took care of me when I was struggling with drop. He agreed to a dinner-time cuddle and made me feel perfectly at ease when I showed up at his polyamorous pad. He and I snuggled while his primary partner and her play partner ordered Chinese food—and no one fell into a jealous rage (possibly because we were united in hunger). I learned that I have been underestimating him. I’d figured that like many men I’ve met before he is reserved and taciturn because he has little to give and express. I even assumed that he would never make eye contact with me while we played. It turns out he has just taken a reasonable amount of time to open up to me; and during that time I have come to trust him and thus be more open and affectionate with him. Our eyes are meeting left and right. These days I’m goofily delighted to be his bunny. But I’m also apprehensive. Now that I know how sweet he can be and how much I like it, I may find it tough to encounter the reserved and taciturn version of him when we play. This could make for a thrilling dynamic but it could also leave me as confused as I was during childhood when my father would shift into asshole mode on the slightest pretext.

Credits to creators
Now that I am no longer a dedicated SL fashion blogger I feel free to use old items in my av’s wardrobe. If you’re coveting that carrot you will be disappointed.
-Pixicat- Malignant.Dress – Pink (Maitreya) (I GIMPed some severe damage to the bottom of the corset where it meets the skirt. It seemed to be visible no matter what pose my av took. Caveat emptor.)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
White Widow, Deadman tat
(epoque hair) Sharp – Heat
Zenith, Lolita Rose Hat (epiphany gacha—check Marketplace)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.3
Skinnery, Love Spark Milk applier for LeLutka (may have been an event exclusive)
[F]oil- Wing Chains Hoop Earring Gold (not available as [F]oil but see if you can track down creator Tracei Moore’s latest line)
{Meghindo’s} ~ Vintage pink satin rosette ~ bracelet (very old gift)
pose pic one and three: [[RH]] Design House, Old Rose Bouquet -Red (bouquet comes in three colours with choice of three poses)
pose pic four: Ma Vie, Mistress pack (in pic three I added Schadenfreude, Motivation on a string carrot (freakishly old prop))
Mesmerize Dungeon, Padded Cell Hospital
outdoor pics shot at Mercy Falls

Incurable

at it again Institutionalized.
irradiated Irradiated.busyasabeaverIncurable.

Credits
Zibska, Rhoda dress (NEW at Frost till January 3rd; ty Zib for another wonderful year!) See it look like a real dress on an av who can stand up straight
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.3
Glam Affair, Triss 12 India (NEW gacha at Shiny Shabby)
Pure Poison – Gray Knitted Wedge Boots – Maitreya Lara (gacha)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
.HW. Neve – Choker (dark)
NOX. Giftmas – Day 23 [Indo Septum – Black]
[CX] Kunai Earring Left (Silver & Black String) (past gift)
Kleineschwein, Pompadour Cheveaux Simple Glace Noire (not available)
Adorkable Poses, My Padded Room (on Marketplace)