Bliss as a bottom

pale hedda This weekend I had the pleasure of demo bottoming for a shibari (kinbaku) class at the local dungeon. This is something I never thought I would be able to do, on account of my advancing age, my funny face and my generous stomach, not to mention my inexperience. (Where “experience” means two or three years participating in a committed heteronormative relationship with weekly painful, upside-down suspensions mimicking circus-style professional rope performances and/or high-end photographs of full-time bondage models.) It’s true that I wasn’t asked to bottom, but when I found out that the man I’d started playing with was going to teach a class, I volunteered by text and he responded with an (admittedly non-stoked-sounding) “okay.” In January at Shibaricon, I had stepped up as a last-minute bottom when he, a total stranger, needed a partner for a private class with a fabulous rigger. That was an extraordinary experience. I thought it was only fitting that we recreate it. We’d played a couple of times before we met for this week’s rehearsal. I had discovered that he is really mean and prefers to be brutal, and I am not someone who wants to be brutalized. (I had, it’s true, enjoyed grappling with him and trying to evade his assaults. The vicious hairpulling and unrelenting pressure-point-pushing were tough but … well, let’s just say that, if he ever asks, I will not hesitate to deny any interest in breast slapping and nipple twisting.) So I arrived at his place feeling like there wasn’t much hope that we’d be anything but teammates for a single class and thereafter wave to each other at munches. But then we rehearsed and my feelings changed.
pale dramaWe discovered that my top doesn’t have to thump me to be mean. He has the option of meanly keeping me in line, something I never thought I’d allow. The type of rope he was set to teach is derived from Yukimura Haruki’s style and philosophy. It’s designed to exercise close control over the bottom’s body, and yet because the techniques of capturing and tying the bottom use the bottom’s body “against” her, I got to be far more mobile than I could be in a typical partial suspension with impact play. An aspect of this style that I particularly enjoy—because I like to feel humiliated—is the top exposing the bottom’s body. The day we rehearsed, I was wearing a long skirt. My top reached out along my extended leg to slowly pull the skirt up till it covered only a few inches of my upper thigh. When I half-whined “My leg is cold,” he responded “Tough.” This made me giggle on the inside, so he wouldn’t hear me, because it was the perfect rebuff of a gratuitous complaint. When we taught the class a few days later, he gave me the option to demonstrate how fruitless it would be to struggle. That seemed lame, so I said “ummm” and then tried to escape completely. He brought me down easily. I yelped and groaned and knelt with my head to the mat to demonstrate my complete surrender. He rotated me 45 degrees so that the class could see the next part of the demo and then shocked the hell out of me when he smacked my foot to drive my leg back into the proper position. I deserved that, exactly that, as a correction to my behavior, and it was perfectly satisfying. He felt that way too. (There’s nudity under the cut. For realz.) Continue reading


I, embodied

boosterI went to my first-ever yoga class about six weeks ago. Okay, I went to one when I was 20-something: turning red in the face, sweating, and failing to breathe inclined me to think I was not cut out for yoga. Being instructed to feel at one with the earth almost drove me out of the room: it was the late 80s, so I was a hard-core deconstructionist, meaning that anything remotely spiritual—or just plain connection-oriented—was suspect. (Everything was opiate of the masses. I’ve softened over time. Now I would say it’s weed of the many.) Twenty-five years later, I decided to try again because I want to be a more flexible and physically stronger rope bottom. On the first day, I felt completely at home because rope classes have accustomed me to sitting on the floor wearing a pair of leggings and a singlet—and wondering if I should stretch before the lesson. I debated whether I could apply to yoga the same reasoning I bring to sadomasochistic rope—there’s no sense in stretching if it’s supposed to hurt. (There’s hurt and there’s hurt. Eustress good. Distress bad.) (Speaking of, there’s nothing dangerous under the cut.) Continue reading


swornI missed out on buying elikatira’s Stella hairstyle at the last Hair Fair and have been frequenting the shop in the hope that it would magically appear. And it did. I knew I couldn’t do justice to this phenomenal flip by dressing Portia in a pantsuit or by draping her in lame. Then it came to me. This is how Joan of Arc would have done her hair if those bastards hadn’t burnt her at the stake. (And some nun had already invented hairspray.)
chainedheat It just so happened that I saw Joan in elikatira’s hair the same day that I informed my rope bondage partner that he shouldn’t mess with me because I am descended from Vikings (on my Irish mother’s side). Eureka! Or whatever Vikings say. I dug out ye olde gacha Gudrun outfit by !Go! and headed Norse. (Do I need to add that he didn’t stop messing with me?) Continue reading

Pretty smitten

brightrosiedayMy second Shibaricon was nothing like the first, where I took about a dozen classes, tying with a different top each time and learning all I could about the practices, histories and philosophies of rope bondage. This year attendance was down, so there were almost no spare tops. I was lucky enough to meet a cool couple who both wanted to top. I prefer floor play to suspensions, and I don’t like extreme pain, but I surprised myself the first day by taking two suspension classes and a torture class. (Leg binder over-layered with an unlocked futo momo to fashion a partial suspension. Why, eh?) In one of those classes I had intended only to observe but I was summoned into bottoming by a rigger whom I recognized from her stage performance in 2015. She appeared coolly sadistic on stage and I discovered, somewhat to my relief, that her onstage command translated into a no-nonsense attitude in class rather than torture and cackles. Still I could not relax, and when I asked the translator to tell her I was nervous, the rigger’s attitude did not soften. We did not bond. After the third and final suspension she sat crosslegged on the floor bundling her rope. Lying at some distance from her I was surprised to find myself slipping into sub space. And then I was astonished when she noticed and slapped her thigh to direct me to lay my head on it. I obeyed. Being ignored while she kept rebundling her rope snapped me right out of my swoon. I hope this doesn’t sound like kvetching. She was highly respectful of my comfort in the ropes and did not overwhelm me with the lightning-fast tying I’d seen her perform on stage. Now that I think about it, it may have been the ordinariness of the encounter that left me disconcerted. An experienced and focused top is exactly what I needed as I faced my frustration with suspension. But it might have been nice if she’d also hypnotized me and reduced me to a groveling whip-crazed slave. (Still frustrated with suspension, btw. I can’t get over how much the ropes hurt my tender widdle arms.)
wellbredOn the second day I was lucky enough to bottom for a four-hour-long private lesson with my favourite rigger and his glorious partner. The top who needed a bottom for the class posted a message on FetLife and got only two responses. It amazes me what people miss out on. I can only assume that a person with a top thinks s/he doesn’t need any other kind of experience at Shibaricon, and a person without a top isn’t confident enough to take a chance on doing a class with a stranger. The rigger who taught us subscribes to the idea that tying should be a dialogue between the top and bottom, a corporeal call and response. He also insists that whenever possible the rigger should have one hand on the bottom’s body and one on the rope instead of both on the rope. In addition to using the rope to move a bottom’s body, he applies gentle hand pressure at key points on the body: one touch on my lower back straightened me out of a slump! It felt like a magical form of control. Any rigger who likes her/his bottom to be enthralled should learn it.
cradleUnfortunately, the physical and emotional demands of all this rope took a toll on me. I dropped into a terrible depression and had to sleep the afternoon away. I had a nightmare that I was in a mostly empty museum without any pants. Out the window I could see eight lanes of highway standing between me and my hotel. I reasoned that I had somehow gotten to the museum half-naked and should thus be able to leave and get back to my hotel without any fuss. I wrenched myself awake before my dream self had to steal a museum guard’s pants. This was my first experience of drop, and it was so awful that once I was back into circulation I acted as though I would explode if anyone tried to put rope on me. (I was rope-open the next day, although a bit wary.)
carrotmeetsstick Without doubt the best part of Shibaricon was my regular play partner, who I’ve written about before. He took care of me when I was struggling with drop. He agreed to a dinner-time cuddle and made me feel perfectly at ease when I showed up at his polyamorous pad. He and I snuggled while his primary partner and her play partner ordered Chinese food—and no one fell into a jealous rage (possibly because we were united in hunger). I learned that I have been underestimating him. I’d figured that like many men I’ve met before he is reserved and taciturn because he has little to give and express. I even assumed that he would never make eye contact with me while we played. It turns out he has just taken a reasonable amount of time to open up to me; and during that time I have come to trust him and thus be more open and affectionate with him. Our eyes are meeting left and right. These days I’m goofily delighted to be his bunny. But I’m also apprehensive. Now that I know how sweet he can be and how much I like it, I may find it tough to encounter the reserved and taciturn version of him when we play. This could make for a thrilling dynamic but it could also leave me as confused as I was during childhood when my father would shift into asshole mode on the slightest pretext.

Credits to creators
Now that I am no longer a dedicated SL fashion blogger I feel free to use old items in my av’s wardrobe. If you’re coveting that carrot you will be disappointed.
-Pixicat- Malignant.Dress – Pink (Maitreya) (I GIMPed some severe damage to the bottom of the corset where it meets the skirt. It seemed to be visible no matter what pose my av took. Caveat emptor.)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
White Widow, Deadman tat
(epoque hair) Sharp – Heat
Zenith, Lolita Rose Hat (epiphany gacha—check Marketplace)
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.3
Skinnery, Love Spark Milk applier for LeLutka (may have been an event exclusive)
[F]oil- Wing Chains Hoop Earring Gold (not available as [F]oil but see if you can track down creator Tracei Moore’s latest line)
{Meghindo’s} ~ Vintage pink satin rosette ~ bracelet (very old gift)
pose pic one and three: [[RH]] Design House, Old Rose Bouquet -Red (bouquet comes in three colours with choice of three poses)
pose pic four: Ma Vie, Mistress pack (in pic three I added Schadenfreude, Motivation on a string carrot (freakishly old prop))
Mesmerize Dungeon, Padded Cell Hospital
outdoor pics shot at Mercy Falls


at it again Institutionalized.
irradiated Irradiated.busyasabeaverIncurable.

Zibska, Rhoda dress (NEW at Frost till January 3rd; ty Zib for another wonderful year!) See it look like a real dress on an av who can stand up straight
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.3
Glam Affair, Triss 12 India (NEW gacha at Shiny Shabby)
Pure Poison – Gray Knitted Wedge Boots – Maitreya Lara (gacha)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
.HW. Neve – Choker (dark)
NOX. Giftmas – Day 23 [Indo Septum – Black]
[CX] Kunai Earring Left (Silver & Black String) (past gift)
Kleineschwein, Pompadour Cheveaux Simple Glace Noire (not available)
Adorkable Poses, My Padded Room (on Marketplace)

Evil queen is evil

2nd light evil queen in cave These pics just rolled off my screen. I had so much fun shooting my av in the new makeup appliers from La Petite Morte. These are for Lelutka (worn here) and Catwa heads. There are seven variations on sinister wintry looks for the Quinn skin. Best of all? It’s a VIP group gift and the join fee is a mere 100L.
penguin plebesThe Meva advent calendar is my favourite this year—even though I joined late and that meant missing out on everything leading up to the 16th. This headdress is a recent gift, no longer available alas. Again there is a 100L join fee, but based on what I’ve been seeing from Meva creator Mea Carnell, the gifts are going to be more and more gorgeous as we scamper unto Xmas. I love the real-life advent calendars too, in a resolutely atheist “mmm chocolate” way. Opening those little numbered doors takes me back to childhood happiness. A child can take pleasure in having small fingers. Adults are too clumsy to work the windows, so there’s only one’s little brother to squabble with over the prizes.

Maai, ” Dominatrix ” mesh dress
.LeLutka.Mesh Head-STELLA v1.3
La Petite Morte, Quinn Lelutka head applier (VIP gift; see above)
Exile::Hazy Days (naturals pack):ieQED dragon.pauldron.titanium.
:ieQED dragon.pauldron.titanium.
Zaara : Banjara silver choker
Maitreya, Mesh Body – Lara V3.4
MONS / Giftmas Day 3 (piercing-upperlips) (still available; free group join)
::Sn@tch, Suede Wristband cuff (old gift)
pose: flowey, from an old 50L Friday pack
shot at The Cove public cave

what’s different in the second pic?
Meva, Medi Flower Headpiece (advent gift; see above)
shot at Meva sim

Camilla in the cold

effin cold n bright Every year I swear that I am not going to freeze my av’s bits off by posing her in a winter wonderland. Then something tempts me into it. This year it’s Nevery Lorakeet’s Camilla for LpD, a classic tweed coat with a full skirt. It’s available in Smoke, Green, Red (shown here) and Prune versions. Each pack contains an indoor dress as well as the coat. Check out today’s last pic for a peek at the Prune dress.
cinnamon girl sanna The Love Spark applier from Umazuma Metaluna for The Skinnery is the loveliest I’ve seen for the LeLutka head. Adding the new Coral hairdo from Wasabi Pills brought out the roaring twenties feel of the cute bow-shaped lips. Continue reading

Leather and leash

built to last I’ve been aching to wear one of UC’s impressive creations, so I snapped up this classic leather bondage dress when I saw it at Cosmopolitan. Today’s post is actually a public service: the vendor image doesn’t display the range of ways one can wear this item, so I am doing my bit to raise awareness of the options. You can add fur sleeves to transition in an instant from fall to winter or from a cosy bedroom to a damp dungeon. You can also switch from lady to lout—drop the skirt and you’re left with a many-belted jacket. Finally, you can earn a moderate rating on Flickr by stripping out the panels that oh so cruelly imprison your avi’s beautiful breasts. (What comes next is NSFW.) Continue reading

Code red

light meltdown Continue reading