Ready to serve

I don’t have any fantasies of service submission. But Portia likes to keep her eye on the madeleines. I put this look together with discount items: I got the hair, lingerie, eyeshadow, eyelashes, and lip gloss via Fifty Linden Friday, Happy Weekend, and my favourite, SoKawaiiSundays.

I paid a pretty packet for these cuffs and collar, past gacha items by Mug, which I picked up on Marketplace. They are gorgeous creations of lace, leather, and chains. (I had to edit the cuff on Portia’s left wrist. Inworld there is no break in that chain.) This picture seems pretty tame. Until you notice the way Portia’s nipple is playing with the pointed cup of the Savannah bra.

Credits (all items are LeLutka Evo)

bonbon – nagisa hair – ombres (comes with a male fit and with a no-bangs version)

Ricielli – Savannah Lingerie Bra (M. Lara) [with collar not shown]

Ricielli – Savannah Lingerie Garter and Panties (M. Lara)

Mug – Lusty Lace – #11 Lace Handcuff Black (old gacha, try Marketplace)

Mug – Lusty Lace – #5 Lace Collar Black (old gacha, try Marketplace)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

.E l e i. – Nabi (Lipgloss) / LEL EVO-EVOX

keikumu – milano lashes

Core&Gore :: Osho eyeshadows [pink] Evo

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2 (gift)

rotten . devilish eyes . anzai

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

[LERONSO GIFT] Mesh stiletto nails “Shiny Shane” 

.DirtyStories. 69 Leg Tattoo (olde)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

poses: nyagore, Little Abigail

location: Ethereal City

I stayed up late…

…to make this for you.

Tentacio, Witch Planning
CURELESS[+] Alouqua Dress Special / MAITREYA
CURELESS[+] Alouqua Wings Bento
.E l e i. – Anya (Skin) / Tone 08 1
emotional circus, final spell (eyeshadow)
Heron, Hallow Makeup (lips)
Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2 (gift)
Nefekalum Tattoos – Spirit (Carved) // Tattoo (old gift)
pr!tty – Cho – :rigged: -Multicolor-
S&P Cuff and Collar Avery
[LERONSO GIFT] Mesh stiletto nails “Shiny Shane”
LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3
rotten . devilish eyes . anzai
Stun, Diana pose
location Ethereal City

Halloween dreamed

WordPress won’t let me use the old editor so I have no idea how to share all the
beautifully scary ideas I have floating around in my head.
I gave up on posting this a few days before Halloween because WordPress
wouldn’t let me edit or publish what I was able to toss together.
I’m trying out Safari now in the hope that it will work.
If this works you will be able to read me say “I hope you had a lovely Halloween.
Don’t hate me for having no control over line spacing.”

Credits Pics 1 and 2

CURELESS[+] Moirai Sisters / M / Atropos Torso / RARE

CURELESS[+] Moirai Sisters / M / Moirai Collar / RARE

CURELESS[+] Moirai Sisters / Fata Tattoo PINK / RARE

Zibska Rus Makeup 01 (gift at Shop and Hop)

CURELESS[+] Red Dragon Marking / L+R+Forehead

Mad’ – Infected FaceTattoo [light] [Full]

[CX] Noh Eyeliner Style 1 light black (old tattoo layer)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

[TWC]- Blossom body tattoo (past rare gacha)

#*.bunnyboo.* spooked nails red LEGACY

#187# Nose Piercing Spikes

::Axix:: Arisu Gatcha Gloves [Red] // MAITREYA (gacha)

::Axix:: Arisu Gatcha Okobos [Red] // MAITREYA (gacha)

Clawtooth: Dark Queen (Small/Med Bust) – Dark Ombre

LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1

Pic 1 pose: Mewsery, Senpai Bento Pose Pack

Pic 2 kiwi / Spooky Balloon Pumpkin

Credits Pics 3 and 4

LERONSO// Group gift/ Halloween Gift 2020 – LELUTKA (with shape)

THIS IS WRONG Baroque eyebrows BLACK

La Malvada Mujer – Dominique / red (group gift)

Mad’ – Infected FaceTattoo [light] [Full] (group gift)

Velour, Ingrid HD Lips Goth Vs. 2

CURELESS[+] Moirai Sisters / M / Clotho Dress / BLACK (past gacha)

#*.Bunnyboo.* Spooked Nails Red.

Caboodle – Nun’s Habit (group gift)

Kibitz – Razor earrings

Peekaboo – Neon Cross

#187# Nose Piercing Spikes

phedora ~ Jezebel Boots ~ Maitreya

LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1

Pic 3 kiwi / Spooky Balloons

Pic 4 pose: Stun, Anim Pack Collection Bento Nurse 38

Classically beautiful on Christmas

This is the story of an epic struggle to style right. It began on Black Friday, a day I like to shop for big-ticket items. I made my first stop LeLutka, where I looked at their lineup of discounted heads. I could tell at a glance I’d be saying No, no, no, no. Oh. There, at the end of the line, was Korina, completely unlike the others and exactly the opposite of what I’d always liked with my long-time head, Simone—a heart-shaped face, bowed lips, the bottom one fuller than the top, the pout perfect. Korina had a long head and wide thin lips. She looked a little sporty, very American. I could imagine her…smiling. I bought her without hesitation. I wanted the challenge of making those minuses into pluses. And so began my struggle to work with a classically beautiful, fit, privileged, if modest, model. Of course, the first thing I did was shorten her torso, widen her hips, enlarge her butt and slide the breasts to 75. No no no. That was going in for the kind of cute sexy cartoony look I enjoy with Simone. I throttled the sliders. I tried to compensate for the wholesome naturalness of the Glam Affair skin in Korina’s HUD by slapping on some red lips and my go-to liner by Zibska. The first day the HUD malfunctioned, and I set about cursing Glam Affair’s proprietary ways. The next day, when it worked, it showed me that Korina was a pure Pilgrim-bred WASP. She had to look sunkissed, not human-made. I realized that I was going to need a conservative dress for this potential Pete Buttigieg voter, and Belle Epoque’s retro freebie (no longer available) in an odd shade of polyester was perfect. I found a pair of sensible Hilly Halaan pumps in my inventory and slapped on some white stockings without gold-studded garters. They. weren’t. even. fishnets.
I knew I was going to need a long hairdo to keep Korina from hitting her mid-thirties. I’ve always admired Stealthic’s luxurious textures. But my regular av’s head is too bubble-big for their controlled tresses. I felt both miffed on behalf of Simone and elated when Korina’s skinny noggin fit into a half-dozen Stealthic hairdos, each one lovelier than the last. There was no fighting it. Korina was determined to be womanly, to live life without a hint of Simone’s coed pertness and precocious sex appeal. No hitting the Whimsy button for her. Korina isn’t going past Pleased this holiday season. (After I shot these photos, I sent Korina out for a model makeover. You can see the results in my last post and in my next one.)

Credits
.LeLutka.Head.Korina 3.4 wearing the in-HUD Glam Affair skin
Leronso, Eyes/Group gift/Catwa, Lelutka, Omega, Genus
Stealthic – Purity (S Breast) Variety pack
=Zenith=2019 Christmas HeadBand (gift/group is free)
Belle Epoque, { New Chances } Dress BEAH (not available)
Kibitz – Zaris bracelet – gold
all earrings are old gifts
euphoric~Mishi Bento Nails~Maitreya and Slink
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
This is Wrong, Boho tattoo white
.Tentacio, Xmas cookies (at Kustom9)

Maybe new wavey

I think about Zib Scaggs often. I blogged for her when I blogged. And then I stopped blogging. But I never stopped stalking Zib’s Flickr photostream, waiting for just the right accessoryxtravanganza to photograph.
I saw birds. And I remembered all these years later that Zib really likes birds.

Credits
Zisbka, Korbinian at the Dubai Event till December 10 (ty Zib!)
Garmonbozia – Ragnarok earring GIFT (free to join group)
LERONSO// Group gift/ Sunglasses “Panorera” (70L to join group)
-Pixicat- Elena. outfit – BlackLeather (Maitreya) Black Friday sale
[monso] My Hair – Rhapsody Black and White pack Black Friday sale
MUDSKIN, ETC Lens, Vol 2 #9
Arise, Mana brows (olde)
SLC Bento SS Pose – unposed A Black Friday sale

A lovely picture and a heartbreaking story

My mother has dementia. Her doctor says she could easily live ten more years. I don’t want her to suffer that. I watched her memory deteriorate over the past decade, attempting over and over again to alert her and my brother to what I saw. They teamed up to shout me down. Now my Mom is paying the price. Ten years ago she might have had time to devote herself to her health, at the very least find some kind of stimulation in outings and people instead of living like a hermit. I think it was two years after my father’s death in 2007 when she suffered a psychotic depression. She ended up at CAMH in Toronto after a suicide attempt. From there they enrolled her in an inpatient program that allowed her to spend weekends at home. So I moved to Toronto, where I hadn’t lived for ten years, and did nothing for the month my Mom was in residence. By nothing, I mean that every morning I would get up around nine, go to a cafe with a shady patio, read one of Foucault’s lectures, which are page-turners, and then do none of my own work. I never read a second lecture on any given day, never channeled what I had read into my scholarship. I think I was on Second Life for hours every day, putting in the time until I could make my 90-minute walk to visit my Mom at the loony bin, as I called it. Native Torontonians of a certain age will remember it was referred to as “999,” after the street address. They changed the number to 1001 to combat the stigma conjured by a number as ominous as 999. (What’s scarier than the Beast? Mentally ill Torontonians!) Mom didn’t see the point of the program, refused to talk about herself, and not-so-secretly admired the teenage depressives who told the clinicians that they were full of shit. In the end, the depression receded but not because Mom did the work of getting better. She just lucked out.

Now there is neither work nor luck in the offing. Over the weekend I encountered for the first time a woman who was hopelessly confused about taking pills and who kept trying to get things sorted with no success. No notes, neither hers nor mine, can keep her focused. She writes the same note every day on the same piece of paper and it only registers while I’m dictating it. Phone call reminders worked for a few days, but then it became apparent that Mom was taking pills when she wasn’t supposed to. And denying she’d had calls from the care worker, and bitching about the calls being ineffectual when she wasn’t denying. In the early summer, I spent ten glorious days with her. This was longer than the five I’d planned because she went into Emergency the day before I was going to leave and it would have been rude to say “Good thing that wasn’t a stroke, Mom, because I’m leaving town tomorrow.” She was so sweet and open. I used eye contact and gentle touch when she was sad or worried, and it helped. I left Toronto loving her and loving the city. Her mood changed once the caretaker and the cleaning person and the nurse started their shifts. Eight hours a week of contact with other humans in her home has been enough to turn my mother into a bear. She’s threatening to move out so that the others can move in. Funny that, since it looks like her resistance to in-home care is going to lead to living in a retirement home, something she has always sworn she would never do. She’s also threatened to throw herself off a bridge. There’s nothing funny about that.

Mom rejects the diagnosis of dementia and won’t accept that her memory is bad. She just wants this problem of taking her pills to be resolved. She gets no comfort in knowing she will be called and talked through the process each time. Earlier this summer, when I loved my mother and Toronto, I considered moving there for the warm months, taking a room in a student house in the Annex. I thought these could be the last few months Mom would know who I am and that I should be there to enjoy them with her. Tomorrow I am going to spend a week with her, holding down the fort until my brother, who lives in England, can stay to “train” her to take her meds and convince her to go into a residence. I don’t know if he can pull that off in three weeks. I do know that one day soon I am once again going to be staying in her apartment while she is somewhere else in the city, being ill. The residence we’d like to see her settle into is only five minutes away, so I won’t be excusing intellectual inactivity by taking exhausting healthful walks. And I hope I won’t be so sad for her and so depressed myself that I spend all my free time on Second Life. I’ve built a better first life for myself in the years since that summer Mom was in the loony bin, fighting my own mental illness, finding a kind of calling in rope, finally completing—just today—an essay I’ve worked on for four summers and a couple of Christmas breaks. I didn’t read all of Foucault’s lectures, just enough to know he never really discusses biopolitics, just gets bogged down in governmentality, so there’s no point going back to that cure-all. I will instead read about person-centered care for people with dementia, find ways to be kind to my mother, and fight my instinct to run the fuck away.

Credits
Violent Seduction – Iki’s Look Dress (rare gacha at epiphany)
Violent Seduction – Iki’s Look Bag (Pink) (gacha at epiphany)
Violent Seduction – Iki’s Look Beret (White) (gacha at epiphany)
tram, D428 hair / maroon
LERONSO// Lelutka/Group gift/ Skin “Minori” – snow (with makeup)
Zibska, Poly eye makeup gift (gone, over, ended, where were you?)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
Pure Poison – Pointy Nails – Hearts – Maitreya – (VIP group gift)
THIS IS WRONG, Koi tattoo UNISEX (LUCKY CHAIRS)
location: Hitogata