BDSM meets the moon

I had a wonderful experience at a recent rope convention with a man who needed a partner and advertised on Fet. I really liked him, to the point where I thought I might be finally meeting someone I could date. We spent some meals together and scened three times. He introduced me to breath play in the most moderate way possible and thrilled me in several other hot/mean ways. Things did go wrong at the con. I was triggered by a trigger warning. He did not handle that well, could not even empathize with me when I told him about being assaulted. But it was the last day, and he was already pulling away. A few days later, he wrote to check in and told me he was disappointed with the con and with missing the classes that I was unable to hack.

I tried over the past two weeks to be patient and let him go through drop and job stress and come out with positive feelings. But I stopped short of telling him he was an amazing top. I wanted to spare myself the humiliation I’ve experienced in the past: I would PM a top to tell him he was wonderful and describe the parts of our scene I loved, and I would hear nothing in response. I ended up humiliated anyway, because eventually, all my con partner could say was “Don’t worry, you were very good within the parameters.” I sent him an angry message in response to that, and he replied by saying that he’d reread all his messages and didn’t know what he’d said wrong. And felt sad. I then sent a conciliatory message, telling him that from my perspective we had been very lucky to find a partnership that was so enjoyable. We are both intellectuals. He likes good art, not Renoir. I found him attractive without wanting to have sex with him, which is perfect for rope and coincided with his limit on sex. He wore appealingly odd outfits, and would randomly touch my ankle or knee in an affectionate way during class. This was lovely because I wanted to touch him too, and that’s unusual for me: if there’s no connection and chemistry with a stranger, I have no way of faking it. Many times I have sat on mats separated from partners by two or three feet, feeling envious of the cuddling couples in the classes. This time I was with someone who invited me to get close without pressing for it, who even welcomed me when I asked if I could climb into his lap on a morning I was particularly stiff and tired. He stroked my back while I lay there and asked me if I purred. (Be warned: below the cut is a big bare butt.)
Continue reading

Jazzy at Japonica

pierobymoonlightI don’t know why it’s traditional in Japan to buy a new kimono in January each year. I do know that it’s one of my favourite personal traditions in SL. I skipped it last year because I didn’t see anything I liked, so I was thrilled to find some gorgeous kimonos by Piero at Japonica. They’re all fashioned from playfully patterned and riotously colored fabrics, and yet they don’t look garish. The patterns are overscaled, but that just makes the garments all the more charming. I chose this one because it feels like the jazz age.
facets
I can’t even talk about my life right now. Bleh.

Credits
+PIERO+Taisho Roman kimono/navy / Maitreya (also has a non-Maitreya version in one size) [NB hands cannot exit the kimono] (at Japonica)
!1mm*** tabi/geta2016 (free at Japonica) [I took off my Maitreya Lara feet]
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5
(r)M Hair No.39’16, fantasy o.7-9 pack
LODE Head Accessory, Eden Deep Red (gacha at Chapter Four)
CURELESS [+] Anemic Deers Tiara [Coal] (comes with a light blue version)
[Haste] Collared Harness White S (old gacha)
-Glam Affair – Amberly II – Polar – Red Ice G (old gg)
La Malvada Mujer – Cinema Muto #5 [lips] (n/a)
{S0NG} :: Chibi~ Abyss Eye
pose Di’s Opera, Exquisite pack (Xmas gift at previous Cosmopolitan)
location The Guardians gacha event

Express yourself

scarlettebutt After the wretched experience with the asshole rigger—who still hasn’t apologized for actively neglecting to affirm my performance when I bottomed for his class—I was feeling miserable. This is a wound that has been opening up every other day, surprising and devastating me every time. I can’t seem to inure myself against it. I haven’t confronted the asshole because he asked for time and space. Both have been expanding at a rate that Dr. Who would find alarming. I haven’t confronted him because I know that he will never play with me again if I require him to deal with his incapacity for generosity. I’m a desperate idiot, trying to keep that possibility of play open because I believe that no one else could want me. Meanwhile, it’s his behaviour that has left me feeling that way, like a lousy bottom who doesn’t deserve appreciation. Over Labour Day weekend, I managed to distract myself by devoting ten hours to K. Kieslowski’s excellent Dekalog. I traveled for business soon after. In a strange town, the universe smiled on me, sending me a rigger who is capable of showing respect and appreciation. Like the asshole, this rigger is a devotee of Yukimura ryu, but he has studied more extensively in Japan. He is considered to be one of the top riggers in his community. He determined from my FetLife profile that we share a love for Yukimura ryu and that we would be at the same event—and he contacted me to ask if I’d like to tie. He contacted me! He clearly enjoyed sceneing with me, was attentive and playful during the rest of the evening, and took me out for coffee the next day. Instead of saying, as the asshole did, “all a bottom has to do is be vulnerable,” he said “the way you express yourself in rope is awesome.” scarletteeyes

Credits
NEW DE Designs – Scarlette Corset – Maitreya – Vintage 3 [with colour change laces] (at We <3 Roleplay)
NEW *LODE* Head Accessory – Grapes and Roses [merlot grape roses] (Chapter Four gacha)
NEW Asteria, Scratches [Omega] Blood and Burn versions in pics one and two respectively (was at Fetish Fair, not sure if it's still on)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5Kin-Cricket-[Black] hair
-Glam Affair – Eles Asia 04 NB
fri. – Kendall.Platforms (Pewter) – Maitreya
S&P [Salt & Pepper] Avery cuffs
(r)M ~ Posture Collar ~ No.07 (Size M) (an oldie but a goodie, so well made)
cage: Dutchie/Rustica, La Signora Della Pazienza
shot at Ethereal City [join the group for access to group areas]

Bad scene

strungouting I found someone to scene with (as the kinky say), and it went wrong, albeit not horribly or irreparably. You will find my story under the cut. If you don’t click onward, do take a moment to note that the Femdom V hunt is running a little while longer. I am still ambivalent about SLatex, but I was pleased to see how cute infernal Anorak looks in this coral-red number from Say Nothing. Continue reading

Lunge or languish

lunging
I’ve been shooting and not showing. Partly because, with the exception of the owl tattoo, nothing here is brand new. I do recommend that you join the Kooqla group and snap up the many gifts still available. The makeup you see here comes in a pack with a white variation. Both are beautiful in-world.  Continue reading

She was horrid

swampm2 The Couturier’s Docks offers fantastical limited edition creations. If you want to deck your av out in a chain-mail bodysuit and pearl-and-cross collar, scurry out and snag one of 50 copies of Riri Nini’s Nemesi outfit.
swampc

Credits to creators
.h.m.a.e.m. – nemesi corset and nemesi necklace (NEW at The Couturier’s Docks; ty Riri!)
(r)M {aka red mint} Hair No.14’13 ~ o8.1-Fantasy
Abyss, Oxide_Ballet_Heel_
Clemmm – ReSnick eyes .black sclera.
-Glam Affair- Leah Grey skin D (not available)
pose from exposeur, puddle jumper pack
location: NV Madworld