Lost love

When I was 26 I fell in love with a married man who was twice my age. I had never met anyone with such PRESENCE. He was a feast and he had a huge appetite for me. Neither of us scraped by on salad with stale croutons.

It fell apart quickly but slowly. The days between me saying “I want to stop this” and actually stopping were numerous and long. We remained friends for a while after we stopped having sex. After I learned to go a month without him it was safe to have lunch. As time wore on, however, I needed to know whether he had truly been in love with me, so I asked him if we could talk about our relationship. He said “To talk about it would be to start it again.” I had no way of responding to that—the last thing I wanted was to dive in again. My enforced silence was the first stage in a resolution to stop seeing him. For good.

Twenty-four years after I made the decision to never contact him again a very small part of me wondered if I’d regret this. He’s my mother’s age, and she’s not well. What if he dies? I asked myself. Could I live with being too late? I’m going to have to live with it. He’s not dead but he is too ill to see me. We’re really never going to talk about it. And yet I don’t completely regret my decision to stay silent for a quarter of a century. All those years ago he checked out and left me holding the bag. I decided then to put the bag down. It’s down for eternity.


Violent Seduction – The Strawberry – Maitreya (Black) and (Red) (available this weekend only) (opaque version included)

CURELESS [+] LoveSick / Love Vaccines (25L gacha till August 31)

CURELESS [+] LoveSick / MAITREYA / Bowie Plats / BLACK (25L gacha till August 31)

CURELESS [+] LoveSick / MAITREYA / Stockings / RED (25L gacha till August 31)

Kibitz – Leather collar princess (discounted gacha till August 31)

VINYL – Jello Shots Panties – Maitreya

Doe: Ingrid – Kraken pack

THIS IS WRONG Inked tattoo HW – BoM

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

STUN poses, Juliana

MD, padded room not available (I’ve signed a long-term lease)

Gacha go gone gone

The news is grim for those of us who have loved gacha lo these ten+ years. Linden Labs have banned gachas as of August 31st on the grounds that they may constitute gambling and thus likely exploit psychological weaknesses in players. I have never gone too far when playing gacha. This is partly because I let the first couple of items determine where I’m going to take an outfit and then I buy the rest of it on Marketplace. (I’d say that my obsessive time-consuming gacha mania came when people set up places to sell their unwanted gachas. I cammed acres of Second Life as Area Search glitched. Marketplace saved me from this.) So say I’m playing Dami’s Agnes at The Crystal Heart Fair and I get a pair of red shoes on the first pull and a navy veil on the second and third. I don’t like the red shoes, so I decide to build an outfit around the veil. And look what an outfit I built! Items from fave gacha creators Cureless and Zenith, a very olde schoole camera, a rare flaming lei by E.V.E, and rare tats from Fallen Gods and The White Crow.

One of the other reasons I’ve never gone too far is because I have a habit of winning rare within four plays. Either rare isn’t that hard to come by or I am blessed. I had seen the tat by The White Crow, shown above, but couldn’t recall where. I got some help from a group and they pointed out it’s rare. I got it on the first pull and Portia has worn it consistently. Here she pairs it with a gacha ensemble by Luas. The rare tabi/okobo can be seen in my Hallowe’en complaint.

Two of my favorite gacha looks are kinky Odeur de Cuir and Vintage Romance from Enfant Terrible. You can still play these gachas. As of this writing they have not been discounted. Some creators’ gachas have been discounted. Some have been turned into fat packs at high prices like L5,000.

Cureless gachas have been discounted to 25L a pull. They are also available as fat packs. Here Portia wears a Cureless gacha bodysuit with lots of room for her heart. I have won many rare Cureless items over the years and I love the sexy horror they bring to Portia’s wardrobe. See one of the rare tats in When a Witch Shoots Playboy. (I didn’t blog this Easter look and I don’t recall who made the olde booming bunny ears, but the makeup is Izzie’s on Marketplace.)

Zenith’s skillfully created Medic Gacha was another inspiring product. All Zenith gachas are discounted to 25L.

Probably my favorite gacha item ever is the pygmy puffs, which are animated to stick out their tongues. They came in many desirable colours from Anya Ohmai’s Ohmai Emporium. Here Portia cuddles them in a skin by The Plastik, which is now Petrichor.

The one thing I hate is a gacha where the clothing is rare. In this case, Sweetie by Violent Seduction, I was able to gather all the accessories but not the dress. So Portia had a nude shoot. Sure, create special outfits that are rare but don’t make those the only things that keep your avi rated G. Here Portia sports a This is Wrong tattoo.

A big win for me was this fabulously bejewelled rare Gothic Queen avatar by Antielle and May’s Soul.

By far the biggest gacha craze I witnessed was the hammie frenzy when Beetlebones came out with deliciously colored small round hamster avis with the cutest butts you have ever seen. I wrote one of my best posts, Inside the Bubble, about the disparity in pricing and illogical designation of the most desirable of hammies. This was a long time ago, but I have this vague memory that the hammies could dance….

Credits for the first look

=Zenith=Shen le kimono (Cherry) -Maitreya (gacha) (discounted to 25L)

DAMI.AGNES LOOK #Veil-NAVY (gacha at Crystal Heart fair)

Fallen Gods Inc.+ THANATOS tattoo, Tintable RARE (all Fallen Gods gachas have been withdrawn already)

9 RARE -[TheWhiteCrow]- Blossom tattoo (I found no sign of this gacha instore)

CURELESS[+] Incubus&Succubus / Lilim Wings BENTO / RARE

CURELESS[+] Precious Gem / M / Crystal Leg / BLUE /

E.V.E Ink Flower Collar [Ethereal] Fire (play it for 50L)

Tee*fy, Vintage Grandpa’s Old Camera (Rare) (not available)

ionic, every day is a new house (whisper) 4 (ionic has a special section for old gachas but I don’t see this one)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

.ARISE. Ela Brows / Black (olde)

TuTy’s – black hairbase tattoo 2 (olde)

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

Embroidered in the dungeon

No, now don’t get excited. This isn’t a new thing to do to your bottom’s body with needles and thread. This is an old-fashioned way of classing up your fetish gear. The Maria Shirt by Asteroid Box was a 50 Linden Friday special: there are smooth, sweet-looking snakes embroidered around the breasts and on the back. The floral pack of the Ila boots by Lybra gives us a bouquet stitched into blue denim. This look was supposed to conjure up another one of my modern mistresses or slaves—a player who doesn’t lead with their bared breasts. I figure this girl is a budding switch, trying to give out a top vibe. She’s a conscientious player. In some of her pouches she’s carrying things like dental floss for micro-bondage, rubber elastics for nipple torture, and clothes pins for tongue trapping. But she’s also packing healthy 72% dark chocolate for aftercare and a vial of arnica so she can alleviate any bottom’s pain, swelling, and bruising. (I carried arnica until I realized bottoms don’t want any of those things ameliorated.)

This is more like it: waiting in the dark at Sole, a femdom dungeon.

Legacy makeup my lovelies: old tat layers of bitty brows and face paint from ARISE.


AsteroidBox. Maria Shirt – Maitreya – FLF Exclusive

[CX] Hell’s Harbinger (Black Out+Silver) Maitreya collar

VINYL – Jello Shots: Panties – Maitreya

VINYL – Nerves Shorts – Maitreya Belt Pak Navy

LYBRA . ILA (maitreya) Floral Collection boots

.Olive. the Korine Hair Fatpack

Kibitz – Phoebe’s cuffs

Le Forme, Bento Nails Dk Blossom [MAITREYA]

La Malvada Mujer – The den of snakes  tattoo/1 (on Marketplace)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

.e l e i. Nabi (lipgloss)

.ARISE. Drift Tattoo HARD (tintable) (olde)

.ARISE. Ela Brows / Black (olde)

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2 (gift)

Rosier, Fragile eyes

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

Lyrium, Val Idle Stands Breathing Poses

Make Pride

I’m marking Pride month with every celebratory heart in my inventory. Pride has expanded beyond the gay male community to represent multiple gender and sexual communities. This year I learned that the kink community is not friendly to asexuals. It’s great to see virtual rope classes that are dedicated to “LGBTQ” students. But where does that leave the I and the A students? The online asexual munch listed on FetLife consistently drew only two or three RSVPs. A recent Dating Kinky event on asexuality was canceled and has not been rescheduled. I like to joke that an asexual event will only work if it’s geared towards their allies. If the allies show up a few of us ace-types can sneak in. Read “Making Space for Ace (Asexuals) at Your Sex and Kink Parties.”

See you on the beach with this bag, a gift from Belle Epoque at Shop & Hop, where merchants are celebrating SL18B as well as Pride. My av’s hair is Mina’s gift at Shop & Hop. Limos below.


Belle Epoque, Candice Bag Pride Edition (gift at Shop & Hop)

MINA Hair – Shop & Hop 2021 hair (gift at Shop & Hop)

-[ vagrant ]- Monica Shirt – Maitreya – Rainbow Heart

Tee*fy Myla Shorts – CBlue – Maitreya

[RHUDE] Easy Earring 

Mad’ – Pride Rainbow Tattoo [Gay] (VIP gift at the shop)

namo. aine eyeshadow – periwinkle (evo)

Jack Spoon .Prue lashes (duo tone) – Lel Evo

.lovelysweet. cheekie accents pink hearts

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2

Blood +Fallen Gods Inc., Touch of a lover tattoo (olde)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

Stun Poses, Diana

Going nowhere slow

In December of 2020 I decided that I was tired of seeing female tops and bottoms wearing almost nothing. Enough with the flesh, I thought. I pumped out two solidly clad mistresses but lost steam before I got to this submissive. Believe it or not, I have been hobbling around the grid in ballet boots and straitjacket for more than five months.

The Duchesse boots by Voluptas Virtualis are gorgeous sleek treats, the first high-quality boot I’ve seen in 14 years inworld. The fat pack is affordable, so you can play with colour combos until your top cries red. The boots come in matte and glossy versions. Sadly, Faina Cortes has closed her inworld store, La Malvada Mujer, but you can find goods like the Rhea tattoo on Marketplace.

The highly detailed straitjacket—with the lovely name of Sealed Entity—is by CerberusXing. It comes with a bloody version. There is also a male version.

This pic gets closer to the feeling of fearful anticipation I’d like to experience in the dungeon. It’s too dark to be a fashion photo but too static to capture the energy of a scene, so it’s not winning any awards from kinksters or fashionistas over at Flickr. It is, however, bigger, so go savor the shadows. Thank you to Twizsted Cynaiade, who helped me find the legacy Windlight I used for this, my first shoot with the souped-up environment settings.


V/.VoluptasVirtualis – Duchesse/Glossy – {ML} + ankle_lock

[CX] Sealed Entity – Female (Clean) C

=Zenith=Harnesses Short (Black) Maitreya (shorts only)

tram, K0129 hair

La Malvada Mujer – Rhea Tattoo / N1

.Shi : Journey Earring [Unisex.Left] (n/a gift)

[Glam Affair ] Anika 003

[Glam Affair ] Anika Asian Eyes Layer 003

Harana – Mei Brows 03 – Black // LELU EVO with Mewsery, CryBaby Eyebrow [SHAPER]

La Malvada Mujer – Atropo lipstick

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2 (gift)

I lost the info for the lashes and eyeliner (soz)

LeLUTKA.Head.Lilly.2.5 (static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

Rosier, Fragile Eyes

[GOS + o0o] Pouffe small black (available at GOS)

Another thoroughly modern mistress

I quarantined to see my mother, who has dementia and who I haven’t seen since March. That meant daily anxiety miraculously cured enough by clonazepam that I stopped thinking about throwing myself off the balcony. I didn’t have a problem not leaving the rented apartment for 14 days. I did have a problem functioning. Things are only marginally better now. I can no longer stand to go for the walks that have sustained me thus far through COVID. I am just too discouraged and aimless.

Luckily, I managed one day to escape to SL, where I shot another of my modern mistresses. Yes it’s possible to top without wearing only straps and heels! For those of you who do not possess a bio-cock, Abrasive’s inexpensive strap-on fat pack allows you to change colours of the panties and the prick. I have to say that none of the colors looks that appealing in darkness. Experiment with all the lights on!

I find this Zenith top (and panties not shown) incredibly sexy. It’s made of a very fine translucent and oh-so-touchable material. Neither it nor the loose harness (that can be worn alone) is constricting. I’m a rope top so I understand the need to move in my outfits. Sexy is not about what we show but what we don’t show. The body is there and it’s almost within reach. Unless one has to be a good boy or girl or non-binary bottom and NOT TOUCH.

Winter is always a good time to start with some sensation play.


[ abrasive ] Passion Strap-On – Maitreya – Fat Pack

*COCO*_ThighHighBoots(Black)_MT NEW

=Zenith=Harnesses Top (Black) Maitreya 

Avada~ Ballerina Matrix Nails – Maitreya (Materials)

e.marie // Lia Earrings  – VIP gift

etham – Leather Cuff Bracelet – Heavy Duty (old)

.: Fiore :. High Expectations Pony (back) NEW with

.: Fiore :. Wispy Corner Hairs – Tone 1 / Chestnut

.: Fiore :. Slick N’ High Hairbase – Tone 1 / Chestnut

Jack Spoon . Presley Gloss – Lelutka Evolution (at Sultry)

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS2 (group gift)

[Glam Affair] Anika Layer [Lelutka] 003 E

LeLUTKA.Head.Ryn.2.5 (static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.3

last shot: Fashiowl – Are You Home

most shots: Stun, Melani

I want to be her

I stopped blogging kinky outfits because of the glut of hyper-sexualized heteronormative outfits I was seeing everywhere on the grid. 50 Shades of Grey must have sold many more copies than I thought. Delicate-looking lingerie with plenty of straps was feeling v. lite, like bedroom bondage babewear. The sight of thongs made from pearls bound to slide up one’s hoohaw had me worried about realism.

Happily, I found the Pretzel lingerie and straps from Vinyl, which look solid, comfortably contemporary. There is no underwire in that bra, no big bazooms boasting soft power. If not perfectly non-binary, the outfit at least swings butch with the right pair of practical boots from Asteroid Box. They are perfect for stomping and a bootblack’s dream. The semi-concealed knife could work well for fear play. C’est la vie’s wool over-the-knee socks keep cold dungeon air at bay and aren’t going to tear during a scene.

And then there’s Moon’s Noeky hair with feathery bangs. In the 1940s, my paternal grandmother threatened to disown her daughter when she got her hair cut in bangs. Because only the bad girls wore bangs on the silver screen.


VINYL – Pretzel Bra , Panties, Harnesses- Maitreya Lara

AsteroidBox. Obsidian Boots – Maitreya Lara

C’est La Vie—Jody rib socks #2 (these are an olde version—look for the new version)


Zibska, Cynthia ~ Crop (olde)

Kibitz – Elle’s choker – onyx

itGirls -HAKU (Lelutka Nova Head) 1

La Malvada Mujer – La Marchesa Lipstick /Lelutka BoM N7

Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS1 (group gift)

La Malvada Mujer – Love  / Brows  N2 Lelutka (group gift)

LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)

Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1

Psycho Pills – Usagi Shape edited 

MUDSKIN, Softy Lens 7 Lelutka (ARCADE gacha)

Poses: 1 and 3 Mewsery, Senpai poses; 2 [x] Schoolgirl 1 (olde)

LOTD at last

I am becoming a Look of the Day blogger. The looks are going to be varied because Portia’s style is eclectic. One day she’s a lazy space-warrior. Today she’s a Loli lite and a lot uptight in her establishment pinstripe dress by Pixicat. There’s actually going to be a lot of black in the coming days but not a lot of flesh.
I love this skin from It Girls, so much so that I didn’t add a lippy, just colourful brows and greyish liner, group gifts from the fabulous Faina Cortes of La Malvada Mujer. Honestly, adding a lippy is not easy. Either the lipstick doesn’t cover the lower lip or it makes the mouth wholly round, killing the cute v-shape in the top lip. The Rain hair from Tableau Vivant comes with a dry version but I figured it’s okay for one part of Portia’s body to be wet and the rest dry. This isn’t after all Real Life.


~Tableau Vivant~ Rain hair – B – B+W (NEW at Uber I think)
-Pixicat- Rowan Dress – PinStripeBlack (Maitreya)
itGirls – HAKU (Lelutka Nova Head) 1 – Pearl Face (BOM)
Jack Spoon . summer BEAUTY MARKS1 (group gift)
La Malvada Mujer – Love / Brows N2 Lelutka (group gift) (BOM for Genus, Catwa and LeLutka)
LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1
e,marie-Bailey Earrings silvers pack
Pure Poison – Le Ballet Flats – Black for Maitreya (ye olde footweare)
Violent Seduction – Midi Latex Gloves (old gift)
Horntail—Maitreya Maku stockings (gift)
some old stockings underneath the mesh stockings (tat)
Pose Maniacs, Breathing 5


I have a confession to make. I spend my weekend mornings happily shopping the sales, picking up enough cheap stuffs to compile and style a look. I’m talking about Fifty Linden Friday, which yielded the delectable CURELESS tattoos worn here, The Saturday Sale, Happy Weekend. Sometimes I’ll spy something from Wanderlust Weekend, which is aimed at role players. My fave is So Kawaii Sunday, which is like a vein of cute and sexy gold. In this photo Portia is sporting 8 steals. Thanks to these sales I’ve been able to experiment with skins from Pyscho Pills, which Portia is wearing with green hair, and Heaux, which Portia is wearing with a fetching fascinator. Because the skin is 75 L at most, paying for the body to match the tone feels like a sweet deal. These newer skin lines are doing wonderful work for LeLutka Evo.
I loved slipping on Wen, a fascinator with choker (not shown) and delicate orbits. The earrings from Hate Me and Eat Me are so cool that I used them again for my green-haired girl. The fatpack is only 150 L at Lybra. I learned to do a thing where I can make Portia’s eyes glossy! These are a gift from La Malvada Mujer. Faina Cortes makes excellently odd eyes.
It’s hard to believe that we’re back to layers. I saved all of mine. They aren’t high-def, but I was pleased with my pale-green tinted Noh brows, an oldie from [CX]. Portia’s hair by Doe is the fabulous Kraken pack.

Credits (I have very little control over WordPress’s new editor so the spacing is borked)

Look Gold and Green and Miffed

R2 A/D/E sou bottom[Gold]Maitreya (at Collabor88)
R2 A/D/E sou top[Gold]Maitreya (at Collabor88)
Psycho Pills x A.Doutzen – Usagi Skin Eyelid 2 W/B (icecream)

Psycho Pills – Usagi Shape edited
{S0NG} :: Ada Eyes – Lime Green (Omega applier)
[CX] Noh Eyebrows (Tintable)
+FATHER+ Flutter Shadow – Greenblue – BOM
CURELESS[+] Moonlight Revenge / Pelvis
CURELESS[+] Moonlight Revenge / ChestPsycho Pills x A.Doutzen –
Doe: Lynn – Kraken
RAWR! Cuban Bracelet
Secrets, Sweet Butterfly Piercing
Mug – Aysha Sandal
LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1
pose: Stun, Tai (with gun)
pose: Stun, Diana (medium shot)

Look Fascinating

Zibska, Wen Headpiece
Zibska, Eveline Lips 18
La Malvada Mujer, Alpha Eyes (past gift, now 45 L)
[Heaux] Kate Skin – Light Brows – Shell
Psycho Pills – Usagi Shape edited
-Pixicat- Rebel Jacket – Mint (Maitreya)
LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1
pose: Fox City, Portrait pose