Goth your Loli

I’ve been longing to dress my av Gothic Lolita style but wasn’t convinced by the aristocratic confections I saw in stores. Baroqued Gothical offers some more severe looks. I fell in love with the repression and hint of evil wafting from Janire Coba’s Evangeline dress and cap for Belle Epoque. The set for these pics is one of about twenty whimsical environments for photo ops at the fair. Most of them, including this one, are on the sweet side. To cut down on the sugar just turn out the lights.

Credits
Belle Epoque { Evangeline } Black (comes with headpiece, at Baroqued Gothical)
E-clipse Design. Leyla Shoes Maitreya Black (three styles of stocking—mesh, black opaque, grey-black opaque)
Doe: Selene – Gingers
[ MUDSKIN ]_BLOODY MARI # DAY6_102
-[The White Crow]- Butoh l *Omega Heads Catwa/lelutka/6DOO*
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
::LEO-NT:: WOODEN ROSARY [mouthchain] (n/a)
poses: free pose pack 4 from Insomnia Angel (formerly konpeitou)

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Pinch me everywhere, but don’t make me go to a Halloween party (that would be torture)

I am so happy playing with this new person, someone with whom I am eerily compatible, someone with whom I am fulfilling long-time fantasies. We play early at the dungeon, do aftercare for an hour, sneakily experimenting with pinches in the social area (where playing is forbidden), and then we play again. Because I lust to submit to him and I lust for pain. Tonight we are supposed to go to a Halloween party at the dungeon. I hate parties. I freeze up and want to run away. It’s risky emotionally for me to dress up nicely. The idea of donning a costume makes me want to crawl into bed and sleep. I just texted him to say that false eyelashes and a new pair of stockings with an old, modestly sexy, dress are the best I can do. (After all, someone stole my devil horns last year.) And all I really want is to play and spend time together.I really don’t want to disappoint him.

Credits
Luas Nanako Bra White & Coral (gacha at Epiphany)
Luas Nanako Knife Headdress White & Coral (gacha at Epiphany)
Luas Nanako Obi White & Coral (gacha at Epiphany)
Luas Nanako Sleeves White & Coral (gacha at Epiphany)
Luas Nanako Tabi & Okobo RARE (gacha at Epiphany)
Kibitz – Corinne’s leashed collar – Lara – gold/blush (past gacha)
:Moon Amore: Opera Romance / Roses Tiara – Dorado (past gacha)
Clawtooth: Louise Brooks – Softest Black (n/a)
:Moon Amore: Arcano Rings Maitreya (past hunt gift)
:Moon Amore: Ukka Septum – Celtic [Gold] (group gift, still available)
[ MUDSKIN ]_BLOODY MARI # DAY6_102
Izzie’s – LeLutka Bento – Applier Glitter Freckles (this was a free bento update thingy)
Arise, Ela brow
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
9 RARE -[TWC]- Blossom *Maitreya* tat (past gacha)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

Misty miss

As usual, Rei2 Aya has conjured a hell of a lot of sex appeal with her paneled latex. The delightfully pink-and-gold bra and c-string of the Shigure outfit can be removed for R-rated activities. The derriere is of course bare. If this is how we are going to dress when we colonize space—and by we I mean males, females and all other genders—I am staying on earth until the seating is heated and immunization has eradicated butt-pimples.

Credits
NEW r2 A/D/E shigure outfit comes in three parts (top stuff, bottom stuff, boots) (at Collabor88)
NEW [ MUDSKIN ]_BLOODY MARI # DAY6_102 [the night version has a bloody nose] (Arcade gacha)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
:Moon Amore: Ukka Septum – Bat [Gold] ((group gift, 50L to join)
AMITOMO – SANARAE anniversary gift earrings (was a Sanarae gift)
ICONIC:HAIROLOGY:ROMAN::TOTAL STYLER:RIGGED: HAIR:*
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

Scaring the bejeezus out of you

I love CURELESS even though I don’t think of myself or my av as the dark gothy type. The work is so accomplished and I love the idea of the creator working with other SL ghoulies. Collaboration is something I long for in my life. I love CURELESS even more because the creator participates in 50L Friday and I like a bargain. I also adore Kaorinette’s images, which offer a total vision.
Today I love CURELESS and all the other labels that share the sim because from now till Nov. 1st they’re selling selected items at 50% off, and they’re running the PoisonMe hunt, which will give you Halloween horrors. If all that wasn’t enough—phew I’m exhausted—I love both CURELESS and Moon Amore groups because they offer a passel of past gifts as well as recent ones and are only 99 and 50L, respectively, to join. While I’m at it, I confess that I am also a big fan of La Malvada Mujer’s group gifts, which become cheapies on Marketplace. That group is free to join. MAD’s group, which can supply you with more cute and funny pasties than I can count, is only 75L to join. Years of past gifts are available.

Credits

Look 1
NEW :Moon Amore: HellSpawn / Bodysuit (Group Gift Exclusive; 50L to join) colour change
NEW :Moon Amore: Arcano Rings Maitreya (Poisonme Hunt)
:Moon Amore: Ukka Septum – Bat [Gold] (Group Gift Exclusive; 50L to join)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
Glam Affair, Ilary Petal (not just not available but also an outmoded skin tone; is my av a ghost of skinning past?)
NEW *Bolson / Omega Head Tattoo Poisonme Hunt – Spiritmonger (Poisonme Hunt)
Izzie’s, Winter Eyes (Fantasy)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
CURELESS [+] Psychopomp Body / BLACK CLEAR / OMEGA (Group Gift, 99L to join)
:[Plastik]:- Fyriana Cuff :// Kadiene (olde)
PHEDORA / Kelya Boots / Maitreya (see Flickr for these)

Look 2
NEW [NANI] Kiran.Hair (-)_(rig) *33 blood blonde comes with [NANI] Kiran.Hands (-) _(rig) (blood white) (Poisonme Hunt)
NEW :Moon Amore: Arcano Rings Maitreya and Arcano bindi (Poisonme Hunt)
:Moon Amore: Ukka Septum – Bat [Gold] (group gift, 50L to join)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
Glam Affair, Ilary Petal (not just not available but also an outmoded skin tone; is my av a ghost of skinning past?)
NEW CURELESS Onibi markings (Poisonme Hunt)
ANTINATURAL[+] Hospital for Souls / Inmate Eyebags / OMEGA (gacha 50% off until Nov. 1 at Cureless)
La Malvada Mujer – Devil’s kiss (freckles, 10L on marketplace)
NEW Mad’ – Spiderweb Lips [VIP gift, 75L to join] [LELUTKA APPLIER]
Izzie’s, Winter Eyes (Fantasy)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
CURELESS [+] Carved Cherry Blooms / BODY APPLIERS (on sale till Nov. 1)
La Malvada Mujer – Like a prayer (bloody knees, 10L on marketplace)
PHEDORA / Octavia Boots / Maitreya Lara
!IT! – Happy Together Bracelet

poses Del May (pose 1 is from Mime Swag and 2 from Nevermore, which may be in the tons of old poses collections, but I didn’t check)
set ANTINATURAL[+] Hospital for Souls / Hydrotherapy room (gacha 50% off until Nov. 1 at Cureless)

Fantasy fulfilled

Last night I fulfilled a fantasy I’ve entertained for several years of being leashed, gagged and naked. A fantasy in which I am on my hands and knees, my back arched, my pussy exposed, in the dungeon, on display. A fantasy in which I am a degraded object for anyone and everyone to see. At the beginning of the scene, my partner told me to strip, to turn slowly so he could see my completely naked body for the first time. He held me by the neck and groped me, instructed me to get up on a table and sit in a submissive posture—my palms turned up on my thighs, my eyes cast down. (It was very Gor.) He twisted my nipples and striped my back and stomach with a miniature dragon’s tail. Then, when I was on my forearms and knees, he hit my exposed cunt with a multi-cane. During negotiation, my partner and I agreed that at some point he would stand ten feet away while I held the degrading pose for three to five minutes. (I was inspired by yin yoga, where you hold poses to get into the fascia rather than bounce through an unending flow of sun salutations.) I doubted he would remember to do this, but he did, and it turned out that I held the pose for 12 minutes, and could have gone longer if he hadn’t called the scene. It felt like only a couple of minutes to me, even though it was hard physically—I was very tense. It was also unnerving because I was facing a wall and couldn’t see if anyone was looking at my outthrust ass and cunt. I’ve only just started doing impact. I’ve discovered that after an impact scene, as much as during it, I resent my partner hitting me. I need to be alone for a while before I can go and sit with him for aftercare. I was freaked out the first time this happened when we didn’t know I needed him to leave me alone. I did not want to be touched and it was very hard to tell him that. I did want desperately to go home and shut my door against the world. (It reminded me of being an unhappy teenager.) This time we agreed that I would take the alone time I needed. He led me to the social area but I couldn’t stand the light and the noise of people small-talking, so I retreated to the dungeon, where I curled up in an out-of-the-way corner and let the loud music bathe me. I wanted to curl up under the table we’d played on, but that would have been rude to anyone else who wanted to use it. Maybe next time I will indulge myself. Or crawl into the dog cage. It would be nicely womb-like. I soon started to feel bright and happy about the scene, but I didn’t feel enough affection or generosity to my partner to tell him that. I couldn’t actually remember much of the scene, but it’s coming back to me now. I can’t believe I did that! I need to text him thank you.

Credits
NEW CURELESS[+] Cadavre Exquis / GROUP GIFT
CURELESS [+] Sterile Undies past group gift, still available
Doe: Mollie – Colors pack hair
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
MICHAN – Moon Choker old GIFT
E C R U: “Adalind” set Vermilion. (old gift)
[Dreamlight] Septum Diamond Ring (gift at Sanarae)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
Zibska Paule eyemakeup (gift at Sanarae)
MICHAN – Ciara Lashes [Lelutka] HUD
Go&See * Tears * GIFT Tintable (gift at Sanarae)
prop pic 2: flowey, baroque revisited (olde)

Am I “evolving in my kink”?

After a year’s hiatus during which I labbed a little as a rope bottom but mostly learned, labbed and scened as a top, I’ve had two chances to play. In both cases, I went nowhere near headspace. I could express this as having trouble suspending my disbelief. I was very aware that we were doing things that are supposedly fun, hot things, and I was wondering too much whether people in the dungeon thought we were awesome doing these supposedly fun, hot things. And I was disappointed in the moment because they weren’t really fun and hot and we weren’t really charming the pants off the other dungeoneers. I felt none of the disoriented spaciness or psychological transformation that I expect from scening. I wonder if I couldn’t go there because I have found a kind of safety and control in topping and I’m now not willing to risk that. I wonder if I couldn’t go there because my partners and I are not suited to each other. Agreeing easily about what to do is not the same as chemistry. But I’ve had good enough chemistry with most people who are good enough players.

I was particularly disappointed in these last two scenes because classic ways of making a bottom feel exposed didn’t work: dress pulled down, dress hiked up, spanked, silly gag, but no shame. Oddly, what disappointed me most was not being hit hard enough. The rope bundles in the first scene were stimulating and they left marks on my inner thighs, but they didn’t hurt. I know that some bottoms like marks because they’re signs that they have taken a lot or that they have been beaten by a top who cared enough to be brutal. The cane in the second scene marked my lower butt and upper thighs, but I mark easily and the marks were minor. Again, although I enjoyed the surprise of the unpredictable rhythm of the caning, it didn’t hurt enough and it didn’t drive me into an altered state. What, I wonder, do I want? What do I need?
I have never thought of myself as a physical masochist (psychological yes, in my desire to be shamed), so wanting physical pain and finding it not painful enough surprises me. I think it has to do with meeting someone who inspired in me the desire to suffer his sadism, which involves risky and physically demanding suspensions as well as humiliation and, most of all, a kind of absolute, insurmountable stance of distance. “I want you to hurt me”—that’s what I would have said to him if there was world enough and time. I have to admit it wasn’t these elements, not even in combination, that truly kicked my desire to play with him into high gear. No, it was an intuition—probably just a fantasy—that he would play slowly, giving me time to explore predicaments and only gradually determine they were psychologically harrowing. This came to me when I demo bottomed for him in class. His goal was to manipulate me gently rather than aggressively until he conquered my resistance. I wasn’t very resistant because instead of making me want to get away, his moves drew me towards him, as though we were dancing. Finally, and I’m a little proud of this, he overcame my cooperation by getting me on my knees on the floor, bent right over, in a headlock I can only describe as deviously sensuous. He gave me time to figure out that I didn’t like the feeling of his wrist on the right side of my neck or, when I turned it, on the left side. The process of slowly rotating my neck was awful because I could feel the pressure on my windpipe. Seeking relief from the pressure, which was actually very subtle but nonetheless alarming, I shifted to what seemed like the roomy crook of his elbow, only to find that I was trapped by much thicker parts of his arm. I had that feeling of taking a step too far into the deep end of a pool and being frightened by the water suddenly rising above my chin and over my mouth. I heard myself making little distress noises that were new to me. So much so that I was surprised to hear them coming from me. After it ended, my mood went black. There had been no resolution to that distress. I had not come out the other side. I bounced back as the group moved on to other things, but that dark feeling stayed with me through the next day. I still don’t know how I feel about this.
What works for me, I think, is surprise. If a scene is too predictable (I’m tied, so now comes the traditional Japanese gag), I don’t sink into it with my body and mind. The one thing I loved about the last scene I did, with someone I am about to scene with again, was that he used rope in spite of not being a rope person. He didn’t really know that I am a rope bunny, so he was pretty casual when he said that if he was going to tie my wrists, he might as well start the scene with a simple chest harness. He made an impression when he yanked hard to lock off the harness, drawing me close to him, forcing me to find balance by hooking my chin over his shoulder and eliciting an exclamation that went something like “Gah! Oh…mmm—unf—whimper.” He later tied my hair to the rear of the harness so that I was bent backward in a difficult position, unable to move forward but also unable to move further backward because of the limit of my flexibility. I couldn’t see where he was or what he planned to do. I just knew that my chest was out so my breasts were vulnerable to a new kind of toy that I ended up loving. It’s a cunning small silicone simplified dragon’s tongue. And it stung my nipples. (The right one was still humming an hour later.)

I was very conscious afterward that I had just done these things with someone I don’t really know. That didn’t make me feel that it was a risky thing to do, but it left me flailing for a way to be connected during aftercare. Having not gone into headspace I had also not hit cuddly euphoria. I think we spent too long talking so that the feeling of awkwardness dominated and it escalated in a way the scene hadn’t. It wasn’t until the next day that reflecting on what we’d done had me breathless and shaking. Is this typical? I always feel disappointed when it’s my solitary memories that move me, not the scene—or the sex—as it unfolds.

As I said, we are going to play again. He concluded from the first scene that I REALLYREALLYREALLY like rope, like REALLY; and we have agreed that he is going to hit me harder and with a much bigger stick. I concluded from the first scene that the key to feeling shame is not the exposure of my body but the unwilling revelation that I am enjoying being controlled and manhandled. This is probably going to be the part that’s hardest to engineer, if only because it means being open to accident instead of engaging in a strategic activity. I never really understood what people meant when they said: “I’m evolving in my kink.” Maybe instead of worrying that I am no longer a (good) bottom, I should just assume that, after four years, I am moving beyond the first phase of kink frenzy and need to wait and see what surprises me next.

This is nominally an SL blog and I’ve posted some pics I haven’t used before. Please forgive me for not providing details. See, however, yesterday’s Sweet Witch post for details about the last pic.

Sweet witch

I am still giggling about Zenith’s Sweetie gacha outfit. The dress is rare so my av had no choice but to run around half naked. The hat is finished with a heart-shaped tail.Note to picky people (like me): the boots come with garters that terminate suddenly without finish because they are meant to be covered by the dress.

Credits
Sweetie gacha and DAMI hair are at Kustom 9
=Zenith=Sweetie Witch Boots (Rose)-Maitreya
=Zenith=Sweetie Witch Collar (Rose)
=Zenith=Sweetie Witch Gloves (Rose) -Maitreya
=Zenith=Sweetie Witch Hat (Rose)
DAMI_MIMIHAIR_[resize]
[YumZ]Blindfold*Pink (OWNED) (so damn old)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
THIS IS WRONG Chat noir tattoo – (doesn’t seem to be available any more)
[ME] Owned Tattoo (Marketplace)
[Gos & oOo] Pouffe – Small – Black

Things are rough in the future

I am going to play without rope this weekend. It will be only the second time I’ve done that. The first time was two years ago with a woman who usually bottomed to men who played hard. It was in an ugly, grey-painted local dungeon. I was dressed in black lingerie and thigh-highs. I was treated to a matching collar and cuffs, told to get on my hands and knees and then made to walk in too-high heels with a Judith Butler book balanced on my head. I was slapped a dozen times on my right cheek. The top said she’d do it over and over until I managed to keep my eyes open. This inevitably turned into over and over until I yellowed. Eventually, I was cuffed to a St. Andrews cross where my tormentor persistently whacked the outsides of both my thighs with a cane. It was unbearable and once again I yellowed. This weekend I will play in the nicer dungeon, which has velvet curtains and oriental rugs. I will wear a sweet-looking pink diaphanous hippie dress. The top will tie my wrists in a comfy way (!), have me kneel, expose and maul my breasts, and then push me down so that he can cane my ass.
I have never been an impact person, and the last caning I received REALLY HURT FAR TOO HURTILY. But thanks to a new crush on a rope top, I have been fantasizing more about physical masochism (rather than the usual emotional masochism like exposure shame). The thought “I want you to hurt me” comes from my gut when I think about negotiating with this rigger. I imagine it’s the only thing I’d need to say. I would say it, would ask to be tied in order to be beaten by him, if he didn’t live thousands of miles away. I found myself pretending that this rigger was tying me when a friend and I were lab tying last weekend. I think it’s good there won’t be rope this weekend because I’d much rather be present with the person who’s topping me. If I can stand it!

Credits

NB: the r2 A/D/E ensemble comes in three pieces and I’ve simplified the names to make this more clear. It’s available in the mainstore.
r2 A/D/E seiga boots[pink]Maitreya
r2 A/D/E seiga bottom[pink]Maitreya
r2 A/D/E seiga[pink]Maitreya

Jewels
[Since 1975] – Treear Accessories (Gold) (subo gift)
-SU!- Nose Piercing Set (Click To Resize) (VIP group gift)

Body
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
This is Wrong, Musicorama tattoo [Lucky Letter (one board for female and one for male)]
alme. Summer Glam – Black nails

Makeup
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.0
CURELESS[+] Noel Set / Holiday Hunt Prize (now a group gift)
La Malvada Mujer – Dream Powder
#adored – spellbound brows – molten metal edition {omega}

Pose
Ama & Nais – Cuffed Standing – 06 {Unscripted} I used the cuffs not the pose

Location pic 2: Insilico sick bay

Ice cream, money and she

I toured the Fetish Fair and Romp, where I saw a lot of harnesses and elaborate lingerie sets. I chose this little number from Kinky Monthly because it was different. Nah, that’s a lie. I chose it because it doesn’t cover my av’s hoo ha. This wasn’t a question of aesthetics. This was a question of the throb with which my hoo ha greeted the sight of hers. Of course, you can’t see any hoo has here. I’m noticing a lot more censored bits in Second Life these days, perhaps because of FOSTA and SESTA. And I wanted to get in on the trend. (I also decided to buck it. you can see the uncensored version on Flickr if you accept restricted pictures and you can venture under the cut if you’re 18+.) Continue reading