Beauty in suffering

If you feel like this and would prefer not to, you’re a lousy masochist. For instant relief check out Chill’s free meditation sessions. Chill is hosting complimentary 10-15 min Zoom sessions every Mon, Wed + Fri at 12:30pm CDT. It’s also on IG Live every Tue, Thur, and Sun at 9am CDT, but the link for that is busted. If you enjoy seeing a lovely bottom’s distress there’s more under the cut. In addition to the nudity, you will doubtless enjoy another relaxation tip from your lovely blogger. Continue reading

Sometimes we pose

In the last few days I’ve slept 16 hours a day. It started when the governor of Illinois announced we’d be staying home until May 30. I handled the first month very well, spurred by the need to teach my students through new platforms. But that time of year is here. That time of year when I have to switch to writing and hoping that someone someday will publish my stuff. The shift always brings agony, but usually, I don’t try to sleep it away.
I’m lucky. I’m employed and I’m healthy. But I am also completely alone in my home, without any human company. No pets unless you count a lifesize ceramic cat from the 1970s. I feel as though I will never again be touched intimately. How could I? The kink scene will never survive this. How do we go back to fifty-people munches, to fifty-patron dungeons, to fifty-student rope classes? (Well, my favorite class never attracted any more than four couples, so that should work. It will just have to be more expensive on the understanding that there’s no anticipation that the right-priced class will gain more and more students. So it’ll be forty dollars a person instead of twenty. And that eliminates anyone who is not well employed, including the person who partnered with me before the virus hit.)
How do we decide whether someone is hot enough to risk getting covid-19 from? The small gains the local rope community made of expanding play beyond romantic partnerships are now lost. In the future people will be even more likely to stick with a romantic partner rather than enjoy all kinds of rope with all kinds of community members.

Zibska, Bianca Necklace Full (on sale)
Tentacio, Fan and orchid headband (was a 50L Friday item)
tram, I0825 hair1 HUD 1
*PKC* Queen Bee Bento Lip Piercing – Lelutka Cate
03~~ Ysoral ~~.:Luxe Cleavage Piercing Laureen:.(Maitreya)
Kibitz – Starry bracelet – copper – right
CURELESS[+] Hekate Dress / MAITREYA / HOLO (group gift)
LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)
Nebula – Andromeda – LeLutka Evo – T5 – No Brow – Stay at Home Club Gift (comes with body applier)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.1 (free update)
Posesion, Malena pack (Stay at Home Club Gift)

Safe bunny

Happy Easter, safe bunnies. Eat lots of eggs but stay six feet away from the rabbit who brought them. (There are nipples under the cut. Beware.) Continue reading

LeLutka evolution (or, ooh shiny!)

I bought Erin, from LeLutka’s Evolution line, because I wanted to get in on the conversation the group was having. I played with the demo for a while, not convinced I needed a new head. (I had just made friends with Korina at Xmas time.) I bought the head because sharing the technical challenge and styling adventure made me feel less lonely. I was thrilled to kit Erin out in Glam Affair’s Adele, which is the first GA skin I have bought since the tones changed. I have watched in horror as skin after skin appeared with white highlights in more and more bizarre shapes. Adele feels like a return to the good old days when we tolerated flatness because we knew we were playing with images, not trying to look real. Erin can be used with skin appliers but she is designed to be a BOM head, which means there’s a learning curve. It starts with balking at the fact that you’re going to leave all your appliers behind. The good news is that you can wear old tattoo layers if you’re working with BOM.
It’s not like I didn’t know what all those white splotches were meant to be on GA skins. Erin is great because distracting highlights can be added via the HUD rather than drawn into the skin. Getting all the shiny and all the HD requires switching on Advanced Lighting, wearing an included facelight, and muttering incantations to your graphics card. I hope you’ll appreciate the time I spent customizing Erin. I had to get used to her out-of-the-box face and body, both of which are long and lean, before I could slider her into the gal you see here, with her cute heart-shaped face and bootier body.
Things got even slicker when I picked up This is Wrong’s shine tats for the EVO head, which are free. (They’re supposed to be an update but you can grab them even if you never bought the original.) When I first tried to use a shine tattoo I couldn’t get the effect to work. Now that I am a technical wiz I had no problem grabbing all the lights This is Wrong has to offer and turning my av into a human disco. (There are moving lights, which make different parts of the tattoo appear lit at different moments.) You probably won’t be surprised to hear that I prefer my av to look more like a library. I’ll be back to flat Erin from pic one before creators can invent pulsing freckles and fluorescent moles.

LeLUTKA.Head.Erin.1.0(static ears)
[Glam Affair] Adele Layer [Lelutka] 004 A (at Collabor88)
Izzie’s – Blush / Contour Remover 02 (65%)
THIS IS WRONG, Melody shine tattoo LeLutka Evolution HUD
pic one: tram, H116 HUD A
pics two and three: DOUX – Melinda Hairstyle [M]
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

We’re gonna give it some of our all

Whoever finds this boring can come back for the rat tat.

.HERA – 2020 Mesh Prop. (WEAR) (cheap on Marketplace)
[RNK]Japan NewYearNail_Okinawa gift (gift at Okinawa fair)
.::Supernatural::. Milena Necklace Gold [Linked]
[Cynful] Cropped Bomberjacket – Maitreya Lara
tram, I0706 hair HUD C
.LeLutka.Head.Korina 3.4
[ MUDSKIN ] ETC Lens, Vol 2 #9
[ MUDSKIN ] Anna tone 102
[ MUDSKIN ] Pumped lipstick
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
location: U.F.O (under construction)

Double time and a half peep show

I swear I was going to discuss what sex workers do for double time and a half on Xmas.
But I was just looking for an excuse to make my avi look silly and saucey at once.

Credits (as complete as I could get)
::Axix:: Xmas Maiden Dress [Red] // MAITREYA
Doe: Ornament – Pastels (at Epiphany)
erratic / satin scarf / xmas red (rigged) (gift at Shop and Hop)
r2 A/D/E hiten Pasties Maitreya
S&P, Story of O cuffs
Sweet Thing. Clockwork Doll Panties – White (Maitreya) (past gacha)
C’est La Vie, Socks
NX-Nardcotix Lola Heels Glitter Red (MAITREYA) (old gift)
Pichi, tattoo on Marketplace
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
.LeLutka.Head.Korina 3.4
[ MUDSKIN ]_Anna skin 102 shade
blusher is a gift at Okinawa festival but I don’t recall creator
[SB] *Lelutka* Eyebrows Standard (free gift; check Teleport Hub for listing)

Classically beautiful on Christmas

This is the story of an epic struggle to style right. It began on Black Friday, a day I like to shop for big-ticket items. I made my first stop LeLutka, where I looked at their lineup of discounted heads. I could tell at a glance I’d be saying No, no, no, no. Oh. There, at the end of the line, was Korina, completely unlike the others and exactly the opposite of what I’d always liked with my long-time head, Simone—a heart-shaped face, bowed lips, the bottom one fuller than the top, the pout perfect. Korina had a long head and wide thin lips. She looked a little sporty, very American. I could imagine her…smiling. I bought her without hesitation. I wanted the challenge of making those minuses into pluses. And so began my struggle to work with a classically beautiful, fit, privileged, if modest, model. Of course, the first thing I did was shorten her torso, widen her hips, enlarge her butt and slide the breasts to 75. No no no. That was going in for the kind of cute sexy cartoony look I enjoy with Simone. I throttled the sliders. I tried to compensate for the wholesome naturalness of the Glam Affair skin in Korina’s HUD by slapping on some red lips and my go-to liner by Zibska. The first day the HUD malfunctioned, and I set about cursing Glam Affair’s proprietary ways. The next day, when it worked, it showed me that Korina was a pure Pilgrim-bred WASP. She had to look sunkissed, not human-made. I realized that I was going to need a conservative dress for this potential Pete Buttigieg voter, and Belle Epoque’s retro freebie (no longer available) in an odd shade of polyester was perfect. I found a pair of sensible Hilly Halaan pumps in my inventory and slapped on some white stockings without gold-studded garters. They. weren’t. even. fishnets.
I knew I was going to need a long hairdo to keep Korina from hitting her mid-thirties. I’ve always admired Stealthic’s luxurious textures. But my regular av’s head is too bubble-big for their controlled tresses. I felt both miffed on behalf of Simone and elated when Korina’s skinny noggin fit into a half-dozen Stealthic hairdos, each one lovelier than the last. There was no fighting it. Korina was determined to be womanly, to live life without a hint of Simone’s coed pertness and precocious sex appeal. No hitting the Whimsy button for her. Korina isn’t going past Pleased this holiday season. (After I shot these photos, I sent Korina out for a model makeover. You can see the results in my last post and in my next one.)

.LeLutka.Head.Korina 3.4 wearing the in-HUD Glam Affair skin
Leronso, Eyes/Group gift/Catwa, Lelutka, Omega, Genus
Stealthic – Purity (S Breast) Variety pack
=Zenith=2019 Christmas HeadBand (gift/group is free)
Belle Epoque, { New Chances } Dress BEAH (not available)
Kibitz – Zaris bracelet – gold
all earrings are old gifts
euphoric~Mishi Bento Nails~Maitreya and Slink
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
This is Wrong, Boho tattoo white
.Tentacio, Xmas cookies (at Kustom9)

Alternative season’s greetings

Oh how I struggled to style Korina, the head I bought from LeLutka last month! I chose Korina’s small long head with wide, lean lips because I needed to break my habit of Simone’s big heart-shaped head with full, bow lips. You’ll see soon enough how freakishly normally I had to style Korina in her native LeLutka skin: my Christmas card will have the kick of a kitten. Today I am congratulating myself on denorming Korina just by switching to MUDSKIN’s Anna and slapping on some free Adored brows in rose gold. Okay, I also gave her La Malvada Mujer’s Soap eyes and a colour-change blinking collar from Ama.
The cane wards off mistle-toe mongering prepsters.
.Shi’s haute apocalypse couture does the rest.

Ama. : Light The Way Collar : Blinking
.Shi : Midnight . Dirt / Maitreya dress
.Shi : Tabi and Geta. Black
Magika, Let it Snow hair fatpack (gift at Shop and Hop)
// Lueur // – Prism Nail Set, Square Bento Nails – Maitreya (gift at Shop and Hop)
+Half-Deer+ Cozy Deer Tumbler – Pink (gift at Shop and Hop)
MUDSKIN, Anna tone 102
#ADORED – noelle brows – molten metal edition (gift at Shop and Hop)
alaskametro, Times Square eyeshadow (gift at Shop and Hop)
.LeLutka.Head.Korina 3.4
La Malvada Mujer, Soap eyes (cheapie)
Kibitz – Zaris bracelets gold
[Deadwool] Goat cane – (gift at Shop and Hop)
Doe: Merry Lights Necklace – Bright (not available)
Alchemy – Abominable Snow Baby – Hold – White (not available)
TAOX MAITREYA – Joy tattoo (2018 Women Only Hunt)
earrings and septum ring not available

Merry Christmas is for Mom

I’m doing my blogging early this year because there won’t be wi-fi where I’m going for the holiday. That’s not entirely true. There’s wi-fi in my mother’s new apartment in the retirement home, where she moved recently because of increasing dementia. Meanwhile, down the street, back at her old condo, where I will stay, there is no wi-fi, cable or phone. Almost all the furnishings are gone except for those in the guest room, which is a comfy oasis in a very spooky abandoned space. This was my home away from home for 15 years, and being there without Mom, even if she’s nearby, is going to hurt like hell. I imagined that after she moved she would demand every day to be allowed to return. I was surprised to discover she doesn’t do this. I have been assuming that she doesn’t recall her former home, but she probably does. The old version of my mother would miss it but never admit it—she always insisted that everything was fine. She’s changed in the last couple of years. She has started to show her pain. She no longer holds back her tears when I’m leaving. It’s not just that she’s going to miss me when I’m gone. It’s that she doesn’t know how she’s going to live without me. “How am I going to fill the time?” she asked me last visit, sobbing. (Somehow she pulled herself together. I was shaken for days. Partly because being alone and at wit’s end is a predicament I know well.) I’ve never understood how my mother has been able to spend her days doing nothing since she retired 20 years ago. How did she deal with the feelings that come with isolation and idleness? I wonder if her fear of being in the world and among people was so powerful that it blotted out the pain. If the pain bubbles up now it may be because it’s safer to feel it: it’s dispelled by the presence of a care worker, who for four hours a day gives my Mom the companionship she missed out on in so many periods of her life. She would never have asked for companionship, never sought it out, before she was ill. If you asked her, she would say she doesn’t want it now. But she loves it. And I am grateful that she’s happy. Merry Christmas is for Mom.

r2 A/D/E hiten [sheer] (should be in store some day soon but no longer at Collabor88)
CURELESS, Atropine skin Porcelain v.3
bonbon – kaori hair — comes with horns
Salt & Pepper, Story of O cuffs
La Malvada Mujer, Soap eyes (45L on Marketplace)
AsteroidBox. Ayla Necklace – Fatpack (past gift)
amias – DEVI earring (past gift)
.LeLutka.Head.Simone 3.3(static ears)
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
GingerFish, Frost poses (at Liaison Collaborative)